My father is a smoker who smokes several times a day. When we ask him not to do so he gets upset with us. We told him that we love him and are concerned for his health, and that he should stop this bad habit. But he got angry and stopped talking to us for a week and continued smoking. Please tell me what to do.
You are understandably concerned about your father’s smoking habit, and it upsets you and your family that he won’t stop even though you have tried to explain to him that it is for his own good.
By telling your dad that you love him and are concerned for his health, he may feel guilty for a short while. However, it looks like he sees it as ‘nagging’, and so probably feels defiant. Only he can decide whether he wants to quit or seek help to quit smoking and he will do this only when he realises the ill effects for himself.
From your side, set some boundaries and negotiate with your dad so that he at least does not smoke in your presence. For this, first research the effects of ‘passive smoking’. Tell your dad that you want to work out an agreement with him that is satisfactory to both sides and ask for time to meet. Indicate that while you respect that it is his choice whether to smoke or not, you request him to smoke outside the house/in an area away from you all since passive smoking is dangerous. Share the ill-effects with him. In return, you will stop requesting him to quit. Also say that you hope that one day he will give up smoking and that if he needs any support, you all will be happy to help him. See how he responds. Good luck!
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