My Science School

I'm a student of Class 9. I love my friends but they feel that I'm ignoring them, but I know I'm not. If I'm with one of my friends, the other gets upset. I just don't know what to do.

Put on a smile and be available to talk with any one of your friends. Tell them how happy you are to have good friends in your class. If you talk and spend of your time with a particular friend, the others may feel you are ignoring them. Do not worry too much about what people feel about you; what really matters is that you are a good and loving person. They will appreciate your approach and may change their attitude.

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I am a 16-year-old girl. I am a very reserved kind of person. Many boys in my school have proposed to me but I didn't accept any of them. But one day a boy proposed to me; again I refused. But from that day onwards, I cannot forget him. I can't understand what is happening to me - I keep thinking of him the whole day and night. I can't forget him but I want to forget him. What should I do?

Though at the age of 16 you are "a very reserved kind of person" and have been able to reject the proposals of "many boys" in your school, you have now fallen into an infatuation with a particular boy who proposed to you, and now you "keep thinking of him day and night". You are now confused and disturbed. This means that you got emotionally attracted to him. This is common during the teenage. Keep focusing on your family, your studies and the good friends you have. Emotions come and go during the teenage and you will learn to control them with the good advice of a school counsellor or a trusted family friend. Don't forget also to pray to God to guide you in all the decisions you take in life.

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I'm too addicted to social media. I am on Instagram and over there a boy likes me. I know that boy personally but I don't know what to do. My friends are forcing me to date him but I have never dated anyone yet. I want to focus on my studies. Please help me.

Your "addiction" to social media may lead you into wrong relationships and bad results. All addictions are bad. The fact that a boy likes you on Instagram does not mean that you should "date him" as your friends are forcing you to do. Keep focusing on your family, your studies and good friendships. At your tender age of 14 this is what matters. Be close to your parents and good friends. With them you will not make mistakes and they will not lead you in the wrong direction.

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I have a massive crush on a girl who lives in my colony and I think that she also has a crush on me. I want to propose to her but I cannot because I think she may break her friendship with me. I am stressed out. What should I do?

What you call "a massive crush" is also called infatuation. It is a mixture of romantic feelings and sexual attraction that surfaces during adolescence. Infatuation is an exciting experience but can be also troublesome, because it can make people depressed if rejected by the one they feel they are in love with. True love relationships are deeper than infatuation and imply the capacity to forgive and sacrifice; they also imply dedication, respect, fidelity and compassion. The more mature we are, the more we are capable of loving. At this point of your teenage life it is better for you to keep your relationship with that girl in the limit of a good friendship: sharing your experiences, plans for the future, family life, friendship, etc. If she feels comfortable to share her life experience with you, your relationship with her will grow and I may lead in the future to a mature decision of sharing your life. Marriage is the final and full expression of true love. An early proposal may break her friendship with you.

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I am confused regarding my love life. I loved a guy and he loved me, too, but due to some reason we lost contact. After a few months another guy came into my life and he really loves me. He says he wants to be serious but somehow I don't want him to get serious because we don't know where the future will lead us. But he doesn't understand this. I am scared that if I tell him that I no more believe in relationships he might misunderstand me. I don't want to break his heart. Moreover, the first guy is back again in my life. We had a talk online and he now says that he loves me. I don't know whether I still love him or not but the second guy really loves me. I am stuck between the two of them. What should I do?

You are utterly confused about your feelings, emotions and relationships. This is common at the age of 15 when life experience is limited. You are "stuck" between two guys whom you hardly know. With one of them you only talk online and with the other you have lost contact for a long time. What you should do is to stop dreaming of boys loving you and rather start focusing on building good friendly relationships with young people of your age. This is not the time to be dreaming about a life partner.

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I am 15 years old. I met a guy online and we were in a relationship for 8 months. But I had lied to him about my age. A few days ago I told him the truth and he accepted me. But some days ago my parents got to know about this and they totally oppose all this. So, I told him that we should end it and move on in our lives. But now I miss him very much and I love him. Help me.

Be thankful to your parents for preventing you from entering into a deeper relationship with a guy you met online. You know about him only what he writes to you online; this may not be the truth. As you lied to him about your age so he too could have lied to you about himself. At the age of 15 you should have many friends of your age rather than longing ("I love him") for an unknown guy you do not know and could be much older than you.

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I am 13 years old and I am facing problems with my family. Everyone tries to correct my mistakes and it does not end there. I always score good marks to fulfil my parents' expectations. But their expectations never end. And when I expect anything from everyone they do not meet my expectations. My mom does not give me her time and my dad has always tried to take my mom's place. But whenever I make any 'mistakes' they always take their temper out on me. And my mom takes her frustration out on me. I stay with my grandparents. But they believe that I make a mess in the house. I agree I do craft work but I don't make a mess. They don't let me stay alone, go alone anywhere nor do they let me access the internet when alone. My father is a doctor and he believes that staying alone will make me go crazy. Please help!

The "problems" you are facing with your family are caused by your lack of life experience. You are just 13 years old and your parents and grandparents have a much longer experience of life and its problems. Correcting your mistakes is a sign of their love and concern for you. They are right in not allowing you to "go alone anywhere" or "access the internet when alone" because there are dangers you do not know. Do not forget that your father is a doctor and knows well about human nature. What is necessary is that you should be humble, trust your family members completely and accept any corrections as signs of their love.

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There's a girl in my class with whom I want to be friends. I do not have any feelings of attraction or infatuation towards her. I just want to be her good friend. The problem is that she is so good and polite that I am unable to gather courage to talk to her. I just want to make her realize the feelings I have for her without hurting her. What can I do?

The girl you want to be friends with is already a good friend as "she is so good and polite" with everybody and also with you. As you "do not have any feelings of attraction or infatuation towards her", behave in the same way with her. This is what a good friendship is all about. She will understand your 'feelings' and be happy with you. Friendship is experienced through mutual help, respect and care. If she is in need of something try to help her and be truthful. She will always be your good friend.

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I'm addicted to smoking. It helps me to forget my troubles and tension. It also helps me to work out hard physics and math problems. I enjoy smoking even though I know it's a very bad habit. How can I get rid of this devil?

At the age of 16 you are "addicted to smoking". You feel that smoking helps you to forget your troubles and tensions and also helps in solving problems in your studies. I wonder who gives you the money for supporting this addiction; do your parents know that you are smoking? The problems of life should be solved by sharing with your family and good friends. Prayer to God also helps. Smoking is not just "a very bad habit" but a cause of sickness as it may lead to cancer of the lungs and death. Your life is a precious gift of God; do not waste it on this addiction. Share your problem with your family doctor, a college counsellor or a family member whom you trust and they may help you. Trust God and He will help you get rid of this devil.

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Many years ago I had a good friend whom I like now. But since the past 2-3 years we don't talk to each other. In Std VIII, a mutual friend started teasing both of us. At that time he used to blush when someone used to tease him with my name so I thought he liked me. My friends noticed this and asked me whether I like him so I told them that I did. In Std IX, they told him that I liked him which ruined everything. After this he started ignoring me and if anyone teased him about me he would get angry and shout at that person. But now I really like him. Because of this I can't concentrate on my studies. I know he doesn't like me but I still like him. I want to forget him and concentrate on my studies. Please help me.

Many years ago you enjoyed a good friendship with a boy but now everything is finished because in Std IX your friends told him that you like him. From that moment he started ignoring you and getting angry if anyone teased him about you. Obviously he was interested only in a friendship with you, not in a different relationship. He thought you were running too fast and got upset. Respect his feelings and concentrate on your studies. Love cannot be forced or imposed on anyone.

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I'm in love with a 16-year-old guy who is a friend of mine. I really like him and I know he likes me too as he said so to my friends. He used to tell his friends that he likes me but he never asks me out. I am dying to be with him and I can't live without him. But I can't ask him out because I'm a girl and it would be very odd if I did that. If I'm not with him I can't do anything properly. Please tell me what to do. How will I tell him that I love him?

You are in a relationship of friendship with a 16-year-old guy. You "really like him" and he "likes" you too. The problem is that you are changing your approach to him; you are upset because "he never asks me out", you "are dying to be with him" and "can't live without him". You have moved out of friendship and entered into a deep attraction and infatuation towards him: without "him I can't do anything properly". That boy is still looking at you as a friend but you have moved on to a different kind of relationship. If you will tell him openly that you love him, he may be shocked and surprised. He may decide that he is not ready for that and you will lose his friendship. Love should be borne in the hearts of two persons and grow with time. Presently, only you have this kind of feeling; he does not seem to be interested in going beyond a friendship. Wait patiently for him to make up his mind.

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I am in love with a girl since the last three years. I love her very much and she knows this, but she loves another guy from a different school. I am 16 now and studying in Std XI. She doesn't talk to me because her boyfriend doesn't allow her to. What should I do so that she at least starts talking to me?

Since the age of 13 you feel that you are "in love" with a girl. "She knows this but she loves another guy from a different school". Presently you are no more in contact with her as she doesn't talk to you because of her present boyfriend. She has made a choice of someone else and there is nothing you can do about it. Trying to place yourself in-between her and her boyfriend will annoy both of them and further alienate her from you. It's better for you to concentrate on your studies and new friends in college.

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I'm in love with a girl, 8 months older than me. I'm 16 years old. She told me that she is older than me only recently because she thought I would leave her if she had told me this earlier. I want to marry her when we grow up and she also wishes the same. My mother has no problem about the age difference but I don't know about my father, and her family. She says her family is very stubborn. I don't want to lose her. Please help.

At the tender age of 16 you are running too fast in thinking of getting married in the future with a girl who is 8 months older than you. Marriage is for mature adults who can take responsibility for their choices and actions. There is nothing you can do now except to be good friends; nothing more. When you are grown up, the difference of 8 months in her age compared to yours will not matter.

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I am a 15-year-old boy. I like a girl who is 13. She is my neighbour and a very good friend of mine. I proposed to her, but she didn't give me an answer. I think she likes me but is not able to give an answer. She comes to my house often to meet me and my brother. My parents also like her as her nature is good. I am crazy about her. How do I get to know about her feelings? I am not able to concentrate on my studies.

You are enjoying a very good friendship with a neighbour girl who is just 13 years old and is sweet-tempered and good-looking. At this point in your life this is the best relationship you can have with her. If you run too fast with unwanted proposals of a deeper relationship she will get upset and confused about what you want. She is also a good friend of your parents and brother. Do not spoil this beautiful situation. Give her time to grow and mature because she is just 13 years old. Cool down your emotions and concentrate on your studies and family relationships. In future, both of you will mature physically and emotionally and will be able to decide what to do in your lives.

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I tend to be very depressed because of my real world social life. Due to some unnecessary issues between me and my friends, I am alone, except for a handful of friends. As I am a lover of life, I don't think of suicide. I'm an average, introvert student. So, other classmates and friends don't help me to cope with these issues. I don't like to share my feelings with my parents or family members. I like talking to people but I have no one to talk with. I don't know what to do.

Due to some "unnecessary issues" between you and your friends you feel left alone. Remember that God gave you loving parents and other family members in order to guide you in the best way. You should trust them and be guided by them, especially during your teenage years. Open up a dialogue with some friends who come to you for favours or help, without falling into "unnecessary issues". Friendship is a give and take relationship. Be available to anyone who meets you and put on a smiling face. If you smile at others they will smile back at you and you can talk and share with them slowly building up a friendly relationship and avoid falling into depression.

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