My Science School

      Even though the relationship between parents and caregivers is less intense during the early elementary years, it often remains strained. Ideally, both sides should extend themselves, and parents and caregivers should relate in a cordial, informative way. However, many parents and caregivers are uncomfortable with each other and try to avoid contact. This leaves all parties feeling dissatisfied.

      To some parents, a caregiver may be an intimidating figure. She has influence and power over a child, and parents may hesitate to alienate her with questions or complaints. They may feel that inquiries about their child will bother her, and they fear that she’ll take out anger and frustration on their child or threaten to drop the child from the program.

      Some parents stay distant from a caregiver because of guilt. They feel bad about leaving their child with another adult and avoid any contact that will make them feel worse. They drop her off and pick her up as quickly as possible (“I’m so busy!”) and never extend themselves to the adult in charge.

      There’s another reason parents remain detached from their child’s caregiver. They may not take her job seriously, viewing her as a baby-sitter and treating her as they might a neighborhood teenager. They come and go from the day care center, the caregiver’s home, or their own home with barely a nod. Since many caregivers are younger than the parents they work for, it may seem natural for parents to act this way. Yet, regular caregivers do much more than occasional sitters do. They plan activities and programs, help with homework, and offer comfort and advice.

      Sometimes it’s the caregiver who’s reluctant to form a friendly relationship. She may feel uncomfortable with parents because she’s younger and less experienced than they. She may feel awkward telling them about their child’s behavior, giving them advice, or discussing the differences between their standards and her own. She may be generally unsure of herself around adults. Many child care workers enjoy being with children but are not as positive and confident with adults. In addition, caregivers who see parents rush in and out may hesitate to talk to them for fear of holding them up.

      Here are some things you can do to improve your relationship with your child’s caregiver. Take the first step and offer a friendly hello and good-bye each day. Smile and wave if the caregiver is busy when you arrive. If she has a few minutes to chat, have a brief conversation. Talk about the weather, an upcoming weekend, children’s artwork on the wall. Try to leave a few minutes at the end of the day to stay and watch your child finish a project or to talk to the other children. If you seem unhurried, the caregiver will consider you more approachable.

      Most importantly, let your caregiver know you appreciate her services. She’ll find it easy to talk to you about your child if she believes you take her seriously. Listen carefully to her observations and suggestions, respect her standards, and work cooperatively with her. It takes time to build trust, but effort and consistent friendliness will enhance your relationship.

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      Since early elementary-aged children are not fully ready to take care of themselves, working parents have to arrange before- and afterschool care. The alternative - having a child spend mornings and afternoons alone - is neither safe nor appropriate. Most parents recognize that six- or seven-year-olds should not be left on their own, but many parents consistently leave eight- and nine-year-olds to care for themselves. Some of these children even supervise younger siblings.

      Parents who leave young children alone spend much of their working time worrying, and with good cause. Eight- and nine-year-olds have trouble remembering and following rules. They may open the door to strangers, go outside, use the stove, look at inappropriate TV shows or websites, or have a friend over against their parents’ wishes. Kids this age are not equipped to handle emergencies, including ones involving younger siblings.

      In addition to physical supervision, children need emotional support, which they can’t get when they’re alone. Before school, a child needs a caregiver to offer a good breakfast and a cheerful, “Have a good day at school. Hope your science project is a success.” After school, he needs to talk, have a snack, hear someone say, “How was your day? Did you work things out with your friend? Do you need help with your homework?”

      The caregiver can be a relative, neighbor, teenage sitter, or day care center worker. Many public schools lease space for independent day care operations. Since the programs are convenient and presumably screened by the school administration, parents often sign their children up for this before- and after-school care.

      Private schools also may provide care, operated according to the school’s standards and values. The school’s administrator usually has responsibility for the program. Since the quality of the day care reflects upon the school, private schools sometimes show a particularly strong commitment to providing good programs.

      A problem with all day care, whether in an institutional setting or a private home, is finding educated staff to work with early elementary-aged children from 7:00 to 9:00 in the morning and 3:00 to 6:00 in the evening. Child care workers are notoriously underpaid and receive few benefits. Qualified caretakers are hard to find and day care administrators must spend considerable time training inexperienced staff and coping with frequent turnover.

      Before settling on any type of arrangement, get recommendations from people you trust. If you hire a sitter for your home, check her references carefully. Determine how responsible a neighborhood teenager is before allowing her to stay regularly with your child.

      Whether your child is being cared for in a day care program, a private home, or your own home, pay attention to the kind of care he’s receiving. Don’t feel complacent if he’s enrolled in a public or private school program. Although all such programs should be carefully screened and supervised, they often aren’t.

      To reassure yourself and help your child, evaluate the quality of his day care. For a morning program outside your home, find out what kinds of activities are offered. Can your child bring his own toys or projects? Can he finish his homework before school? Is breakfast or a snack served? Is the atmosphere friendly? If a sitter comes to your home in the morning, is she pleasant while helping your child get ready? Your child’s school day will be influenced by the start he gets each morning.

      Learn about the after-school program. Is a snack provided? Are there active and quiet activities? Indoors and out? Can he go to an organized sport or activity in the school building or elsewhere? Is there a quiet place to do homework? What is the staff/child ratio? Is the staff warm and helpful? Can you use the center on a drop-in basis? If he spends the afternoon with a sitter, is he well supervised? Does he watch too much TV or spend too much time on the computer?

      You can tell a lot about the quality of care by talking to and observing your child. He may complain about his baby-sitter or his day care program, especially if he sees other children going home from school each day. Yet, he may be happy when you see him in the evening, and he may talk excitedly about the activities and kids he’s been involved with. If you’re pleased with the sitter or program and your child seems content, you can feel confident he is well taken care of. If you aren’t pleased, talk to your caregiver and ask for and offer solutions. Eventually you may consider seeking alternative arrangements, rearranging your own schedule, or cutting back on your work hours to better meet your child’s needs.

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Many parents are dissatisfied with their child’s public school education. They know her potential and they’ve seen her enthusiasm and capacity for learning. Yet, in public school she may be consistently unhappy, bored, or unchallenged. Parents who feel that their local public school is failing their child can consider transferring her to a better public school or a public magnet or charter school. If these choices are unavailable or unsatisfactory, parents can look at other alternatives.

The most common are private schools. Many parents don’t consider private education because of the costs. Yet, some private schools are less expensive than others, many offer scholarships, some are co-ops accepting volunteer work in place of tuition, some help arrange loans, and some offer free or reduced tuition for parents who are employed by the school. When considering costs, parents should evaluate their priorities. Some people decide to invest in their child’s education and accept a simpler and less costly lifestyle in exchange.

Some parents are wary of private school for another reason. They fear their child will lose the social benefits of attending a neighborhood school. While most private schools encourage a strong sense of community and plan many social activities for their students, it is true that a child who does not attend his neighborhood school will probably have a smaller social circle. However, private school students can still play with their neighborhood friends after school and on weekends in organized activities and on sports teams.

Parents who choose private education do so because they want a social, moral, academic, or religious atmosphere they can’t find in public schools. Some parents have always known—either because of their own backgrounds or because they have firm preferences for a particular type of education—that they would send their child to private school. More often, they choose private school because they’re unhappy with their child’s public school. They may want their child to experience smaller classes, less emphasis on preparing for standardized tests, and a more challenging curriculum. While some parents plan on a full thirteen years of private education, some only want private school for the early elementary years. However, many parents find it hard to put a child back into public school, since they often find private school more effective and individualized.

There are many kinds of private schools: religious, Montessori, Waldorf, college preparatory (strict or liberal), academically accelerated, and schools for children with learning disabilities or emotional problems. In large urban areas there are many choices, while small cities or rural areas have fewer options.

Parents who don’t know what they want should begin by visiting private schools. They can talk to each school’s principal or admission counselor, attend an open house, and sit in on a class. How structured is the work'? What are kids expected to achieve? How does the teacher present material? How does she relate to the class? Do the students seem happy and interested?

Parents should ask other families for advice about private schools and, if necessary, consult an educational specialist who can test and observe a child, interview parents, and then recommend likely school.

For parents who choose not to look at private schools but who are unhappy with the public ones, there’s another alternative—home schooling. A growing number of families have children who learn at home, taught by their parents. Many local school districts allow home education, and some districts cooperate with home-schoolers, letting them use school resources.

People are often shocked when they first hear of home schooling: “How can parents teach their child?” “How will she learn to get along, with other kids?”

The fact is, most parents who are able to make the significant time commitment can teach their child successfully. Kids in school spend part of each day marking time. They wait in line, wait for their turn to read, and wait to have their questions answered. They do “busy work” while the teacher works with other students. They sit while she disciplines others. In some schools, little of the typical school day is actually spent learning. In contrast to this type of situation, when a child is schooled at home, she can master material quickly and efficiently.

Home-schooled children usually get along fine socially. Like private-school children, they still play with neighborhood friends and join them in organized activities such as classes, teams, and scouts. They don’t miss out on much socializing at school because socializing is generally discouraged at school. Students are rewarded for being quiet, and reprimanded for talking to friends during class. During recess, interaction may be competitive, fueled by students’ need to be smarter, better, faster than classmates. A child learning at home doesn’t get caught up in that competition and for that reason may get along better with other children.

If you’re considering home schooling, explore the many resources available. There are supportive national and local home schooling organizations. There are also curriculum guides available able from school systems, local libraries, the Internet, and educational bookstores. You might decide to follow the plan offered by a correspondence school, or get together with other home-schoolers to share material.

Since you’re familiar with your child’s learning style and interests, you can individualize her work. Sometimes you can use books; other times you can do hands-on projects with her. Her schooling can include frequent trips to museums, libraries, performances, and nature centers.

Most home-schoolers give their children standardized tests once a year to be sure they’re making good progress. Find out what tests your school district gives and either ask to have your child tested with other students or ask for a copy of the test to administer at home.

One of the hardest parts of picking an alternative to public school, whether private or home schooling, is dealing with the criticism of other adults. Families who are satisfied with public school may be intolerant of your choices: “I think it’s crazy to keep your child out of school!” “Why spend all that money for private school? I’d never do that!” They also may feel threatened because you’ve chosen a path different from their own.

It’s unpleasant to be judged. But the unpleasantness is more than made up for by the satisfaction of seeing your child blossom in a new school environment. Because of the choices you’ve made, your child may flourish in ways she never would have otherwise.

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Learning is not just something that happens at school, and learning is not dependent on textbooks and formal lessons. A family that is involved, interested, and curious can learn all the time.

The best way parents can encourage learning at home is to he learners themselves. When they read, their kids read. When parents have many interests, kids develop interests and hobbies too. Parents show positive attitudes toward learning whenever they try to master a skill, research a new topic, or spend time at a museum or concert.

An important way parents can enrich their child’s education is to follow up on his interests by providing materials, books, and experiences. With imagination and a creative use of available resources, even parents on the most limited budgets can offer active encouragement.

For example, if a child is interested in rock collecting, here are some of the activities his parents can help with or suggest: he can look for colorful picture guides in the library or on the Internet, go on nature walks to locate specimens, visit collections in local museums and nature centers, and write away for catalogs and free educational materials put out by many corporations and nonprofit organizations. He can join a rock collectors’ club, talk to teenage and adult collectors, trade specimens with his friends, and go to local gem and mineral shows. In addition, he can collect and organize pictures of rocks and minerals from magazines and advertisements. He can subscribe to a specialized magazine, watch educational programs and videos related to geology, keep his own “scientist’s journal,” or arrange his collection in a home-made display case. There’s no limit to the ways parents can follow up on his interest. They should help him find activities that meet his needs and allow him to explore a hobby or skill as fully as he desires.

If he wants to pursue an academic subject, they can encourage him to go beyond the school’s lessons. A child who likes the challenge of math can be introduced to puzzles, brain teasers, chess, new computer software, or topics in logic. There are many math games, puzzles, and curiosities for children available in libraries, book stores, and on the Internet. All will stimulate a child more than the “educational workbooks” often marketed to parents.

Parents can help by talking regularly to their child about his schoolwork, their own interests and work, and current events. Discussions can revolve around sports, the environment, history, popular entertainment, space exploration, fashion, music, or animals. As long as the subject is interesting to the child, the talk will be valuable. Parents should listen carefully to his opinions and questions. That way, he’ll come to see himself as an important participant in family talks.

Sometimes learning at home supplements inadequate learning in school. If a child finds a school subject boring, his parents should try to show that the subject has another side. A child who dislikes creative writing may enjoy hearing about the early experiences of well-known writers, or may enjoy seeing his parents’ own attempts at creative writing.

If he’s having difficulty mastering a school subject, parents can help at home. Sometimes it takes only a few minutes to answer a question; sometimes parents have to do research of their own before they can assist their child. Either way, parents’ involvement will help him do better in school and may spark n new interest for him.

Learning doesn’t have to be parent-initiated. A child can teach his parents and siblings a new skill or share a new fact, and he can learn from his siblings. One child wanted to try cursive writing, a subject not taught in her grade. Her older sister showed her how, using an old workbook for practice.

To enrich your child’s education at home, follow some of these suggestions. Have your child keep a diary or journal, writing in it as often as he likes. Make regular trips to the library and find books your child can read as well as ones you can read to him. Encourage him to read whatever and whenever he can. Have him go online (to sites you approve of). Scan newspapers and magazines together, or get your child his own subscription to a children’s magazine. Collect reference books, dictionaries, an encyclopedia, and educational software for your home library. Periodically post a new vocabulary word on the refrigerator and challenge your child to use it during the week. Go to museums, nature centers, concerts, and plays together. Watch educational programs, particularly ones on nature.

Make learning a pleasurable, shared experience and your child will join in. Don’t give negative judgments about his progress or compare his achievements to his siblings’. He’ll do better without pressure.

If you sense that he’s losing interest in a particular subject or hobby, try a new approach, wait awhile, or look for alternative ways to involve him. There are so many possibilities for learning at home that you’re sure to continue finding interesting and challenging activities.

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Parents often don’t know how their child is doing in school. While they certainly hope her work is average or above average, they have only a vague notion of what the school expects. Curricula vary from school to school, even from class to class. One school system may introduce multiplication tables in second grade while another waits until third or fourth grade. Schools offer only minimal information about coursework and expectations. This makes it difficult for parents to judge how well their child is mastering the material.

If you’re having trouble evaluating your child’s progress, first check the work she’s bringing home. (You may have to search the bottom of her backpack for crumpled papers.) What kinds of assignments is the teacher giving? Are directions clear? Does the level of work seem appropriate?

See what kinds of comments and grades the teacher is putting on the papers. You may be dismayed to find red “X”s and negative comments. Such markings don’t necessarily mean your child is doing poorly. Many teachers single out mistakes, ignoring the many correct answers on a page. Sometimes make your own evaluation of your child’s written work.

Talk to your child about her classwork. Does she feel she’s doing well? Keeping up? Kids usually know where they stand in the class. You may hear, “I keep getting bad grades on my spelling papers,” or, “I finish reading before anyone else does.”

You can learn about the school’s curriculum and standards by talking to your child’s friends—those in her class and those in other classes. Ask what they’re doing in school. Be specific: “Are you on subtraction? Have you studied the planets? Do you write reports?”

Whenever you have questions, talk to your child’s teacher. Find out specifically what material is covered in class. Ask for suggestions to improve your child’s performance and offer any suggestions you may have.

Report cards are the standard means of teacher-to-parents communication. Yet, a series of check marks or letter grades without written comments is often not enough. Does a “B” in social studies mean your child is truly mastering the subject, or does it mean she’s a cooperative student who hands in her worksheets on time?

You want your child to get good marks and you also want to know that she’s learning. Unfortunately, grades don’t always reflect mastery. One second-grader, for instance, had neat, legible handwriting. Her teacher wanted her to write on paper with oversized lines. The girl had trouble making exaggerated letters and therefore was given a low grade even though her writing looked like that of an older student. Another child was good at math, but balked at doing repetitive, easy drill work. He got a low grade that did not reflect his high mathematical ability.

At times you may feel your child is receiving a mark that’s too high. You know she doesn’t understand her science book, yet the teacher gives her a high grade for being neat and paying attention. Since grades may or may not accurately reflect progress, rely on your instincts as well as on graded papers and report cards when judging your child’s achievements.

You can sometimes learn more about how she’s doing by examining the results of standardized tests. After she’s been tested at school, ask if you can see the results, including a comparison of her scores with those of her peers. If the school isn’t required to disclose results, consider having your child tested by an educational specialist. If the testing shows she’s learning well, you’ll feel reassured. If it shows less favorable results, the specialist may be able to discover the reasons your child is not doing as well as you’d like.

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Learning should be an exciting part of a young child’s life. Children these ages are striving to be competent and successful in school. Yet, they often say, “I hate school. It’s so boring!” They drag their heels when it’s time to go in the morning, and they come home with nothing to report.

There are many reasons why a child might find school boring. The work may be too easy and presented too slowly, too much time may be spent preparing for standardized testing, or there may be too much paperwork and not enough hands-on experiences: “The teacher does all the science projects and we just get to watch.” A child with an active mind needs a challenge, and a curriculum geared toward a child with average intelligence will not meet the needs of brighter students. Since many school programs are inflexible, teachers often give faster students “busy work”—coloring, additional workbook pages, cleaning chores __while the rest of the class catches up. Naturally, someone in this situation will be frustrated and bored.

A slow learner also may claim to be bored. The work may move too quickly for him to understand or so slowly that he loses all interest. After a few tries, he may give up and daydream. School seems boring, and he may easily view himself as a failure.

Children may feel distracted and disinterested if they’re unhappy with themselves. A child feeling parental pressure to succeed may dislike school and say it’s boring. Likewise, a child experiencing problems at home may be too preoccupied to focus on learning. And, if at any point during the day he’s hungry or tired, he may complain of boredom.

Since “school’s boring” can mean so many things, parents have to find the cause of their child’s complaints. Occasional dissatisfaction is normal, but repeated claims should be taken seriously.

Talk to your child about the problem: “Can you tell me why you’re bored?” Try to assess the situation from his response. Is class work too easy? Too hard? Is something bothering him socially or at home? Does he have school friends? Do children tease him? When you’ve isolated the probable causes of his boredom, ask what changes he’d like to see: “How could your teacher make reading more interesting?” “Would you feel better about going to school if Dad and I were calmer in the mornings?”

If you discover that problems at home are the root of your child’s unhappiness, you can try to remedy the situation yourself or seek professional guidance. Often, a few changes—spending more time with him, easing up on parental pressure—will make it easier for him to concentrate on schoolwork.

If the school curriculum is causing boredom, talk to the teacher. If the material is too difficult, ask how she can accommodate your child’s needs. Perhaps he requires more concrete examples or more time to complete classwork. Ask if the teacher can involve you with teaching certain material at home.

If your child is bored because the work moves too slowly, let the teacher know that busy work is not acceptable. Ask if he can go to the library, use the computer, read a book, write a story, help another student, or go on to the next lesson when he’s done his work early. If you don’t push for such changes, the teacher won’t see the need to stimulate him and he may finish the year with a sense of loss and frustration.

If you’re dissatisfied with the teacher’s response to the problem of boredom, discuss the matter with the principal. Ask for suggestions and seek ways you and the school can work together to have your child’s needs met.

Ultimately, you may not be able to make your child’s school experience less boring. Yet, you still have choices. You can talk to school district officials, you can work with an advocacy group that pushes for improvements in education, you can investigate transferring your child to another public school, or you can enroll him in a private school. The expense of a private school has to be weighed against the dramatic improvement you may see in his educational development.

School boredom is a major problem. Kids spend their formative years in school—precious time that should not be wasted. Parents have the responsibility to monitor their child’s education and do all they can to ensure quality in the classroom.

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Parents feel dissatisfaction at times with their child’s teachers; the teachers may not be meeting the child’s needs or may be cold or inattentive. Parents become aware of problems through their child’s complaints: “The teacher wouldn’t let me go outside today because I laughed at Matt’s joke.” “Every time anybody talks she says ‘shhh.” “My teacher wouldn’t let me finish my math problems because she said I was taking too long.”

Parents get to observe the teacher themselves during field trips and classroom visits. The teacher sets the tone in a class; her personality and teaching style determine how the standard curriculum will be taught. When parents are unhappy with her manner or approach, they often feel helpless. Yet they have more power to initiate classroom changes than they realize.

If they suspect a problem, they should listen carefully to their child’s description of what goes on in the classroom. Are her complaints consistent? Is her work or self-esteem hampered by the teacher? What seems awful to a child one day may be insignificant the next, or may have no lasting negative effects. Also, kids sometimes exaggerate, especially as a way of avoiding a reprimand. For example, a child who did not complete an assignment may blame the teacher: “It’s not my fault. She never gives us enough time.”

If a child’s complaints seem to have merit, parents should call or email the teacher: “My son says you’ve been dissatisfied with his social studies work and he doesn’t understand why.” Parents also can plan to meet with the teacher. Either option can be difficult for parents who dislike confrontation or who fear that an angry teacher will retaliate against their child. While some teachers may do this, most will listen to parents and try to work out solution to classroom problem. As long as parents present their concerns in a respectful way, they have little to fear. However, regardless of the teacher’s response, it’s the parents’ right and responsibility to set up a conference and try to improve their child’s classroom experience.

If you request a meeting with the teacher, prepare ahead of time. Gather facts and notes and have suggestion and solutions in mind. Begin the meeting on a positive note: “You and I have best interest in mind. What can we do together to improve her schoolwork and make her feel better about herself?”

Make reasonable requests: “If you give Andrew a little more notice about his assignments, he’ll have an easier time finishing them.” “I think Mia would feel more interested and challenged if you moved her to another reading group.” Tell the teacher about approaches that work at home: “John generally does better when he gets some positive feedback.” Ask for her ideas and suggestions. She should be willing to make the changes you request or to explain why such changes are impossible.

 Throughout the conference, remember to speak mildly and respectfully. Many teachers feel vulnerable talking to parents and become defensive if they perceive parents to be hostile or aggressive. Let the teacher know you sympathize with her workload and the difficulty of teaching so many students at once. You aren’t there to attack her teaching methods, but rather to come up with solutions and compromises. Give careful thought to her opinions and recommendations since she may offer valuable insights. You should leave the conference with a clear understanding of how you and she will work together to make changes.

Let your child know ahead of time about the conference. She too may be afraid the teacher will “take out” her anger in the classroom. Assure her that it’s fine for teachers and parents to meet. Ask if there are some things she’d rather you not mention during the conference and as much as possible, respect her wishes. If she’s very worried, tell the teacher during the conference: “Kara is afraid you’ll be angry with her after this meeting.” When the conference is over, let your child know something of what went on: “Your teacher was glad to meet me.” “She answered my questions and is going to give you more time to finish your reading.” You should also pass on the teacher’s suggestions.

After the conference, you’ll have to wait and see if the teacher makes the changes she promised. You’ll also have to see if she does, after all, react negatively to your child. If you aren’t satisfied, contact the principal to discuss your concerns. Gently but firmly pursue your child’s interests. If you’re unhappy with the principal’s response, you might want to contact her supervisor.

 You can resolve many school problems if you’re persistent. However, in spite of your best efforts, you may eventually fail to improve your child’s situation. Many teachers, administrators, and school systems are inflexible. If you can’t get improvements, you have several choices: you can accept the facts and offer more home enrichment and encouragement; you can hope that next year will be better, or you can consider enrolling your child in another public or private school. Let your decisions be guided, as always, by what’s best for your child.

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As children enter elementary school, they have their first experience with homework. Kindergartners and first graders usually have minimal assignments, while older children are gradually given more. Some teachers assign work every night and some give homework every Monday to be completed by Friday. Many kids resist doing their homework, causing family struggles and frustration.

“Why won’t she finish her reading and be done with it?” “Why do I have to yell before he’ll get started?” “Why does she wait until the last minute?” Parents want their child to be responsible and do her work carefully and on time. They don’t like resorting to arguments, bribes, and threats.

There are many reasons why children struggle with homework. Assignments may be confusing: “Did she say finish page thirty-three or thirty-six?” “I don’t remember what to do with these math problems.” A child who has difficulty in school or who lacks the skills to complete her work may become angry and refuse to do—or even acknowledge—assignments: “I hate homework!” “I don’t have any homework.”

Many kids are bored with their assignments and are therefore reluctant to do them: “I already know how to spell these science words.” Common weekly tasks have students copying spelling words over and over or coloring in mimeographed pictures. Even to parents, assignments can seem time-consuming and pointless.

Some children have problems with homework because of their schedules. They go from school to after-school activities or child care and may not arrive home until early evening. With limited time to eat dinner, be with family and friends, and relax, a child may put off homework.

Parents may find that struggles intensify in the evening. If a child is too tired or too distracted to do homework at night, her parents should encourage her to get some or all of it done after school. Most child care centers provide a quiet workspace. If she comes home in the afternoon, her parents can arrange a flexible schedule of play and homework. This is usually better than a rigid requirement to finish homework first.

To help your child become more responsible about homework, try some of these suggestions. Have her write down assignments in a special notebook. When she comes home from school, find out what her homework instructions are. That way you’ll learn what she’s doing in school and when she has long assignments. This will help you avoid late-night surprises: “I just remembered. My book report and poster are due tomorrow.” One father found himself at the drugstore at 9:00 at night buying supplies for his son’s school project.

Sit with your child while she does homework. Since the kitchen is often the center of family activity, have her work at the table while you prepare food, read, or pay bills. Take short breaks together. Offer your help, but be prepared for possible arguments about assignments. Kids often take their anger out on parents since they can’t yell at a teacher. Your child might resist your suggestions: “It doesn’t matter if it’s neat.” “That’s not the way my teacher said to do it.” “I know my vocabulary words. I don’t need to go over them.” Be gentle when pointing out mistakes, and, if necessary, set limits on your child’s way of expressing herself: “When you can explain what you need in a calmer way, I’ll be happy to help you.” Occasionally, if she’s bogged down with repetitive work you know she understands, it’s all right to help her out with answers.

If she has trouble with a particular subject, consider offering more intensive help yourself or hiring a tutor. If your child consistently struggles to complete assignments, speak to the teacher. The work may be inappropriate or too difficult. You should work with the teacher to improve your child’s academic experiences, including homework.

Your child will probably continue to need reminders about homework. At times you’ll have to be firm: “You have to start your homework right now.” By third or fourth grade, although she’ll still need some help, she will be more responsible about getting her work done independently.

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First grade is very different from kindergarten and preschool, with new demands, expectations and experiences. Parents and children look forward to first grade because it’s the beginning of “real school” and a sign of growing up. They also feel anxious and uncertain, however, and in the case of parents, nostalgic about the passing of the preschool years.

Some children are better prepared than others for the increased demands of first grade. Age is an important factor, since children sometimes aren’t developmentally ready for first grade until they’ve almost turned seven. Children just turning six at the beginning of first grade may not adjust as well as those with earlier birthdays.

A child’s adjustment is also affected by his home situation. If he has a new sibling, if his family has just moved, or if there’s tension between his parents, he may enter first grade feeling insecure or fearful. Any negative experience outside of school—including a bad time at summer camp—can interfere with his school performance.

On the positive side, he will have an easier time adjusting to first grade if he has friends in his class and if he has a warm and attentive teacher. A caring teacher knows that first graders arrive with varying academic skills, social skills, and experiences. She will patiently help her students get over their fears and hesitations and offer them support and encouragement.

Most kids feel better about first grade if they’re familiar with the school and the classroom. Ideally, kindergartners should be invited to their future first-grade classrooms to meet the teachers. If this doesn’t happen, parents can prepare their child by talking about first grade and encouraging him to ask questions.

Once first grade starts, some kids say, “I love school!” and go off happily each day. Others have a hard time getting along. They may be unhappy and hesitant, or they may resist going. They may feel insecure if other students seem able to read and write. They’ll feel inferior if they’ve been placed in the low reading group. Although parents want to be sympathetic, many get angry and frustrated with their child’s complaints about going to school: “Why can’t he just be like the other kids?”

You may find yourself intolerant of your child’s attitude if you feel guilty or embarrassed. But if you lose patience and pressure your child to do well in school, such pressure puts him in a bind. He wants to please you, yet he can’t fully control his feelings and actions. Often, if you are understanding and supportive for the first few weeks of school, your first grader will get over his initial anxiety.

If your child is having trouble adjusting to first grade, there are many ways to help. First, stay in close contact with the teacher. She may give you a fuller picture of his behavior. While you see him go off hesitantly, she may see him joining in class activities and getting along with other children. Even the most reluctant first-graders have good periods during the day. They feel sad or lonely sometimes, but at other times they’re fine.

Help him connect with another child who rides the same school bus. Consider telling the bus driver or the parents you carpool with about your child’s reluctance to go to school. If you usually drive him yourself, consider asking another parent to give him a ride in the morning. Some kids have an easier time separating if they aren’t with their parents during the moments before school starts. Your child may be entertained or distracted if he goes to school with another family.

Try giving him a “love note” to carry in his pocket or offer a reward at the end of the day. It can be a small toy or sweet treat for entering school with a smile and not crying during the day.

If he’s having trouble making friends, encourage him to invite classmates to your house and talk about other ways of getting to know kids. Having him join a club or after-school activity will help him meet others and feel more connected to the school.

You may have success with role-playing games. Suggest that you and he play school – you’ll be the student and he’ll be the parent. Use real situations that come up in first grade. Have the “student” cry in class and ask the “parent” what to do. You may be surprised at the good suggestions your child comes up with. He may say, “Call your friend and ask him to go to school with you.” Role playing can be therapeutic for him, and it can offer you insights into his difficulties. If you’re having success with this approach, try it once a day for a week or so. For your story themes, choose adjustment to school, sadness about leaving home, schoolwork, and other topics that seem to bother him.

If after several weeks, you see no improvement in his attitude toward first grade, talk to the school counselor or principal and ask her to observe him in the classroom. Perhaps she can suggest some solutions. In addition, consider his readiness for first grade. Does his social and emotional development seem slower than that of his classmates? Does he seem too young for first grade? Is the classroom atmosphere appropriate for him? Are the teachers’ expectations realistic? Even if he’s not quite ready for the demands of first grade, it’s likely that he’ll adjust as long as you continue to be patient, offer help with his work, and seek support from the school.

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      Carpools can be helpful and frustrating at the same time. Parents welcome the driving assistance, yet struggle with the personality, style, and scheduling conflicts involved. Carpools are created for convenience. Most kids would just as soon have their parents drive them everywhere. However, parents need carpools to make their hectic lives run more smoothly.

      When children (and parents) are not compatible, carpooling can become a problem. This is especially true when the drive is long and frequent, as is often the case with private-school carpools. Children who don’t get along whine and complain that the radio’s too loud, the other kids talk too much, the car’s too hot or too cold. One child may start arguments or brag so much about her possessions that she makes the others miserable.

      Children’s ages sometimes affect the success of a carpool. Some mixed-age groups work well, but others fail. One mother listened to her seven-year-old daughter complain that the eight-year-old in the carpool always wanted to listen to rock music on the radio. The next year, the daughter herself wanted rock music, to the dismay of the younger children in the carpool.

      Some kids complain bitterly about carpools, hoping their parents will let them drop out: “I hate Emily and Robert! Do I have to ride to school with them?” Parents should listen to their children’s opinions; they may even share them: “You’re right. Emily does talk too much on the way to school.” Yet, parents have to explain that carpooling is not an option but a necessity. The arrangements are unlikely to change, so parents and children have to try and make the best of them.

      There are a number of things you can do to help make carpooling more successful. First, reach an agreement with the other drivers on matters of car safety, schedules, and acceptable carpool behavior. Keep communicating with these parents when there are problems, but also let your child know that when she’s the passenger, she has to follow the driver’s rules.

      Be sure your child has plenty of time to get ready so the carpool won’t have to wait while she hunts for her gloves, homework folder, and ballet shoes, or change for a drink.

      When it’s your turn to drive, set limits on unacceptable behavior and let your riders know how you want them to act. You may not like dealing with the tension, but you have to step in to ensure a safe and relatively peaceful ride. You can say, “When you act so silly, I have trouble concentrating on driving.” If children won’t stop arguing, tell them to take out a book and read quietly. When you’re the driver, it’s up to you to set the rules: “You can’t bring a toy in the car unless you let the others have a turn with it.” “You can’t insult each other”. “I won’t let you yell like that.”

      You can try to prevent tension by providing distractions such as food, pocket video games, audio tapes, CDs, small pads with pens and pencils, books, miniature cars, dolls, action figures, even gum. One parent kept her carpool busy singing. Another mother kept a conversation going involving all the kids. Often, children can come up with their own ideas for activities.

      If the kids you drive complain about seating arrangements, try assigning seats on a rotating basis. That may stop arguments over who sits in a window seat. As an alternative, you may want your own child to sit up front when you drive so you can talk.

      You may have a child in your carpool who gets upset or cries when you drop her off. After an apparently happy ride, she’ll start crying at her destination because she wants her parents with her. She may be nervous about a new activity or just generally uneasy. When you’re the driver, you have to decide how to deal with the situation. If she goes off with the other children, you can drive away without worrying. But if she regularly stands and cries, ask her parents how they’d like you to handle the situation. Sometimes she actually cries longer when her parents drive than when another adult does.

      Crying children, arguments, worries about being on time - all are frustrating parts of carpooling. After trying to make your carpool as successful as possible, just accept the remaining frustrations in exchange for the convenience.

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     Shyness is often viewed as a problem. Many people believe it is an undesirable trait, one that reflects a poor self-image. Actually, it’s only a problem when people perceive it as one. A reserved child who is not taught that something is wrong with her will be just as confident, happy, and involved as her more outgoing peers.

     One woman who was shy as a child had parents who never made her feel bad about her quiet nature. As a result, she’s a reserved adult who moves confidently through life. Another woman remembers being chastised for her shyness. Her parents constantly tried to change her: “Why don’t you act like the other kids?” “Why are you so anti-social?” She still feels self-conscious and uncomfortable and imagines her mother saying, “Talk! Just go ahead and talk to them!”

     The way a child perceives her shyness depends mostly on her parents. If they accept her personality and don’t focus on shyness as a problem, she also will be matter-of-fact about her shyness. She will see herself as able to do and enjoy the same things other children do. But if her parents try to change her or focus too much on her shyness, she’ll become self-conscious. It’s a fine line between acceptance and feeling bad about having this trait. The more parents concentrate on shyness as a problem, the worse their child will feel about herself.

     Shyness is a personality characteristic and should be accepted as one, not as a flaw. Reserved children are often nice, well-behaved, and generous. They are usually good listeners and enjoy and respect privacy. They also can enjoy watching other children participate in activities. Although they are shy in some circumstances, they may handle other situations well. They’re often fine in small groups of two or three children or in one-on-one conversations with an adult. A shy child who is involved in an interesting project won’t appear shy. It’s only when she becomes the focus that her shyness becomes apparent.

     While shyness should not be seen as a problem for a child, it can be frustrating for parents. They may feel uncomfortable or embarrassed when she doesn’t respond as other children do. They may feel judged and they may see her ignored by adults who engage with other, more talkative children.

     Parents can help themselves and their child by avoiding uncomfortable situations and protecting her when necessary. For instance, many shy children don’t like to be put on the spot to say hello or otherwise talk on demand. If she appears unlikely to respond to an adult’s questions, her parents should matter-of-factly respond for her and then quickly steer the discussion away from her. The alternative, trying to force her to talk, will only make her feel worse and will probably be ineffective.

     Parents can sometimes help their child by role-playing uncomfortable situations with her: “Let’s pretend you meet Jackie in the hall at Sunday school. How could you say hello to her?” “Imagine Aunt Karen asking you, ‘How’s school?” Practicing may be useful. However, when she is actually confronted with an uncomfortable situation, she may not respond as she had rehearsed.

     If parents expect guests at their home, they can prepare their child or make special arrangements for her. She might feel more comfortable if she has a friend of her own over. She might prefer helping before the guests arrive rather than when the visitors are in the house. If parents generally arrange situations so she doesn’t feel focused on, everyone will feel better.

     Parents often wonder how to approach the subject of shyness in school. If that’s a concern of yours, wait and see how comfortable your child is in class. Don’t begin the school year by telling the teacher your child is shy; the teacher may treat her differently or anticipate problems. If your child feels self-conscious about being made to speak in class, schedule a conference at school. Let the teacher know you don’t want your child to receive negative messages about shyness. You have to correct any adult who believes she can change your child’s personality.

     Many teachers prefer quiet students. Your reserved child may be rewarded for her behavior, perhaps more than you would wish. One shy first-grader received stickers at school for being so “good” and quiet. Then, during a school conference, the teacher told the parents the girl was very shy. “But you reward her for being quiet!” her parents replied. They asked the teacher to stop reinforcing her shy behavior and instead reward her for finishing her work or participating in class.

     Sometimes your child will come home from school or play feeling frustrated because she couldn’t participate comfortably. She may become whiny or demanding. Accept that she needs understanding and an outlet for her feelings. If she feels comfortable enough, she may talk to you about shyness and how it sometimes interferes with activities. Certainly as she gets older, an accepting atmosphere at home will make it easier for her to share her thoughts.

     You may be convinced that she will always be shy, but it’s hard to predict the paths she’ll take. Some kids who are extremely shy during the elementary years may gradually become more outgoing. In any case, your job is to accept her as she is and help her find activities and situations that make her feel good.

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     The early elementary years are a time of increased socializing. As kids become less egocentric they’re better able to consider other children’s feelings and viewpoints. Six- to nine-year-olds not only tolerate each other’s differences, but actually enjoy learning about friends’ interests. They generally play cooperatively, work together, and follow the rules of games. Although there are still arguments, they now have an easier time letting go and accepting others’ opinions.

     Kids may have many friends in school or in the neighborhood, but usually find one or two they most enjoy being with. It sometimes seems to parents that their child is more interested in friends than family, and increasingly this may be the case. While six- and seven-year-olds look almost exclusively to their parents for love and acceptance, an eight- to nine-year-old also looks to friends for approval. He wants to be like his peers and may argue with his parents: “I don’t want to go to Aunt Jan’s. I want to go skating with Joey.” “Why can’t Judy come over today?” “Can’t we bring Bailey to the circus with us?”

     When a child forms a strong friendship, his entire family is affected. There are phone calls back and forth and weekend and after-school plans to make. He may badger his parents to buy him what his friend has or to let him do what his friend does. Friends may want to play the same sports, join the same activities, dress similarly, be in the same class, and go to the same camp.

     You may find yourself in the middle of arrangements between your child and his friends. Although it can be frustrating to plan around kids’ requests, you’ll also see the value of friendships to your child. He’ll share some ideas with his friends that he’d hesitate to share with you. They’ll laugh at the same jokes, enjoy the same activities, accept new friends and talk about those they don’t like, listen to each other’s stories, and show concern and compassion.

     At times, include his friend in your family’s plans. This is easy if the friend lives nearby. But if he lives some distance away, as often happens when children attend private school away from the neighborhood, you’ll have to make an extra effort.

     Invite the friend to dinner, to sleep over, or to go with you on an outing. Even if you’re busy with errands, you can take him along to the grocery store or shopping center.

     Elementary-aged visitors are often easier to have around than preschoolers. They occupy themselves independently, make less noise, need less supervision, and make less of a mess. You’ll still have to deal with cleanups, of course, and there will be disagreements, although bickering between good friends is usually brief.

     You should monitor your child and his friend to be sure they’re playing safely. You also should make sure they don’t constantly exclude your other children. While friends need some privacy, they also need to know that siblings shouldn’t be shut out: “Your brother would like to help you build a snowman.”

     If a close friend moves away, your child will go through a difficult period. Although distant friends can stay in touch, the loss may be very hard. It will be difficult for you as you witness your child’s sadness and help him get through the separation. Let him know about the move ahead of time, suggest he give his friend a good-bye gift or card, and take a last picture of the friends together. Support him and listen as he talks about his unhappy feelings. You can encourage him to write or email his friend, and you can arrange periodic visits. However, he will gradually focus less and less on the friend who moved away. As he builds new friendships, he’ll remember his old friend primarily when reminded of the things they did together.

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“I’m in a higher reading group than Sara!”

“I won! I beat everybody!”

“Emily still needs training wheels on her bike and I don’t”.

All children have competitive feelings and all run into competitive situations during the early elementary years. There’s competition in games, sports, the classroom, social life, and family life. When properly handled, competition can motivate children to do their best. Some need the “jolt” of competition to put energy into studying, practicing, or performing.

For a number of reasons, some kids are more competitive than others. A younger sibling tries to keep up with, or even surpass, his older brothers and sisters. He’ll compete in anything from schoolwork, sports, and music to crafts, skate boarding, and game playing. The younger child tries harder, earlier than his older siblings did, and often he fails because he’s not developmentally ready to compete on an equal basis.

Schools often encourage kids to become competitive. Grades are given and sometimes announced: “I’m better than Monique in math. She got a C again.” Teachers give stickers to the child who has the right answers, the best picture, the neatest handwriting, or the nicest behavior. Only the top homework projects go on display and only the best book reports get read out loud. In gym class, teachers may single out the most athletic children: “Everybody watch how fast Mark runs.” “Look how Susie jumps!”

Recreation class leaders and team coaches also encourage competition: “Let me tell you the other team’s weaknesses. Then we’ll go get’ em.” “Play better and we’ll win.” Children compete with other teams and also with their own teammates to be the best or the first or the one who spends the most time on the field.

By far the greatest influence on a child’s competitive sense is his parents. Some parents, ignoring their child’s strengths, weaknesses and interest, put intense pressure on him: “You can do it.” “Go out there and beat them.” “Andy stinks. You’re a lot better than he is.” They may do this because of their own unresolved competitive feelings. They may have been similarly pressured as children and now repeat old patterns. They may feel insecure about their skills and push their child in order to compensate for their own feelings of inadequacy.

They might pressure him to compete because they feel he’s lazy and unmotivated. By reinforcing competition, they hope to spur him to greater accomplishments: “If you’d just tried harder you could’ve won that match. Next time pay attention to what you’re doing.” “I know you can get the highest grade on the test. Just study more.”

When parents invest time and energy urging their child to compete, he may feel humiliated when he doesn’t perform as they wish. One parent berated his child for dropping the baseball during a game. Another was angry because her child got fewer points than a neighboring child in a classroom competition. Parents may justify such pressure by saying, “It’s tough out there, and if he doesn’t learn how to compete now, he’s never going to make it in the real world.”

The unenthusiastic child who competes does so because his parents want him to. He may simply fail for lack of skill or desire, or he may put on a swaggering front. Even after swinging at the baseball and missing, he may say to a teammate, “I’m better than you are. At least I swing harder.” Some unwilling kids compete angrily, becoming extremely frustrated if they lose. They know how much their failure disappoints their parents.

In moderation, competitive feelings are acceptable, especially if a child has confidence in himself and his abilities. A child with a good self-image will not think badly of himself if he loses or exaggerate his importance if he wins. An insecure child may only compete when he’s sure to win, or will compete and have his self-image fluctuate, depending on his performance. One girl who was not competitive by nature became so to please her father. Her teacher reported that the girl hesitated to try something unless she was sure she’d do well.

Some kids are excessively competitive. They’re consumed with being bigger and better, and they want to win at everything. Even if they are highly skilled, their attitude is disturbing and unattractive. Many parents of highly competitive children worry about their intense drive. They know that the fun of participating is lost when their child is obsessed with being the best. One girl became upset with her score while bowling. When her request to take her turnover was denied, she got angry and demanding, eventually ruining the game for her family.

If you’re concerned about your child’s excessive competitive feelings, there are several approaches you can try. Work on his attitude, and talk to him about competition from the opponent’s point of view. Explain that part of competing is learning to lose gracefully and congratulating the winning opponent. He will adopt your point of view if you model the behavior you’d like to see in him. Be a good winner - and loser - and, after trying your best, minimize the importance of competition and move on to another activity.

If you don’t understand your child’s competitive drive or can’t affect it, take a look at his overall situation. Does he need more of your time and attention at home? Do his siblings consistently out-perform him? Do they include him in their activities? Does he have enough success at school and at home? Is he involved in too many competitive activities? Should another interest be encouraged? Are his activities appropriate for his age level or does he struggle to keep up?

Once you’ve stopped placing pressure on him, help him put less pressure on himself. Although he may continue to be highly competitive, stress the enjoyment and fulfillment of participating in activities and let him know what he’s missing by focusing so strongly on winning.

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     Every child at times talks proudly about his possessions, his activities, and his family. Usually he just wants to share his excitement with friends. Sometimes, however, he boasts, exaggerates, or lies about his possessions and accomplishments. He may try to show off or to impress his friends. This is bragging, and it’s difficult for most parents to listen to. They wonder, “How did this child become so materialistic?” “Why doesn’t he think about other people’s feelings?”

     Elementary school-aged children brag because they have competitive feelings about each other. They sometimes judge themselves and their peers by abilities—“Can you do a cartwheel?”—and by possessions – “She’s lucky. She’s got a lot of toys.” Friendships at this age are based on shared interests, and a child may feel threatened if he doesn’t have what his friends have. This in turn may lead him to lie, brag, and put down others just to feel accepted by his peers. One boy exaggerated the size of his baseball card collection because he felt left out when his friends talked about their cards. Bragging made him feel like he belonged.

     Some kids brag because their self-esteem is low. If a child feels inadequate, he may seek attention by lying about what he owns or by making up elaborate stories about family activities. Boasting makes him feel important. Siblings may brag because they feel jealous of each other. One will chant, “I got to go outside twice today for recess and you didn’t!” and the other will respond, “I can sleep at Julie’s and you can’t!”

     Bragging often has a negative effect on young listeners. Children between six and nine usually believe what friends tell them, so they may end up feeling hurt and angry about seemingly far-fetched claims. One girl said she had a new necklace and her friend responded, “So? I got five new bracelets.” Some children just listen, feeling uncomfortable. Still others are so impressed by their friends’ bragging that they start boasting for them: “My friend has a huge train set!”

     Parents, overhearing their own or another child brag, wonder what to do. If you’re concerned about your six- to nine-year-old’s boasts, remember that he may not realize he’s bragging. In the early elementary years, kids are just leaving the stage of egocentric, self-centered thinking and only beginning to consider other people’s needs. His feelings of respect for others will come and go in this stage before he fully understands the impact bragging has.

     Still, it’s important to talk with him about boastful behavior. Let him know that his innocent exuberance may be thought of as bragging by those who have less than he does. One boy who liked to talk about his comic book collection was upset by a friend who lied about having a similar collection. The boy’s mother used the incident to talk about friendship and jealousy. You can speak to your own child about bragging, using real or hypothetical situations. You may be frustrated during your discussion if he shows a lack of concern for others, but keep talking and listening. If he feels heard, he’ll eventually be more willing to listen to you.

     When you overhear him and his friends bragging excessively, let them try to handle the situation themselves. If one seems to be getting upset, step in and either distracts them all or set limits for them. If your child is bothered by bragging at school, remind him that he can set limits, too. He can say, “I don’t want to talk about that anymore,” or, “That’s all I want to hear about your bike.”

     If your child boasts excessively to his siblings, try to find out what the underlying issues are. Your children may need more attention or may be bothered by problems at school or in the family. Once you discover the reasons, you can help your children build better sibling relationships.

     Finally, you can help by demonstrating the right behavior for your child. If you boast about your home, cars, vacations, and even his accomplishments, you’re teaching him to act similarly. However, when you’re respectful of others’ feelings, you help him learn to control his bragging and become a more thoughtful and considerate person.

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           Thousands of films have taken inspiration from Shakespeare. Akira Kurosawa, renowned Japanese filmmaker, directed Throne of Blood, which is an adaptation of Macbeth. His Ran, directed in 1985, is inspired by King Lear. My Own Private Idaho, by Gus Van Sant, is influenced by Shakespeare’s Henry IV. Laurence Olivier is probably the most famous filmmaker and actor who have successfully adapted Shakespeare’s play. His Henry V, Hamlet and Richard III are popular films.

           Shakespeare has wielded his influence in India too. Vishal Bharadwaj’s Omkara, Maqbool and Haider have been both popular and critical successes. Jayaraj’s Kannaki, Kaliyattam and Veeram are popular Shakespeare adaptations from Kerala.

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