My Science School

Play is an essential part of growing up. While a child plays freely, he satisfies his curiosity and finds out how to use objects; he learns to plan and classify; he begins to evaluate, predict, question, discover draw conclusions, and solve problems; and he also learns how to interact with his peers and imitate the people around him. A child whose play is not controlled and channeled by adults (“The colors in that painting should really be blue and green.” “If you pile any more blocks up, your building will fall.”) Gains confidence through play and rarely has a fear of failure.

Some parents minimize the importance of play, looking instead for “educational” or prepackaged activities for their child. But he doesn’t need these in order to learn. Parents best nurture his drive to learn by following up on his interests, giving him many opportunities to play, and providing appropriate toys and materials.

The following are simple suggestions for age-appropriate toys and activities. The list is by no means complete, and toy stores are filled with new and traditional items. The ages listed here are quite flexible. One child will enjoy a toy at eighteen months, while another child won’t play with that toy until he is two or three years old. Some return again and again to toys they used when they were younger. And a child with an older sibling will get an early introduction to toys intended for older children. As your child grows, he’ll let you know which toys interest him and which activities he wishes to pursue.

 

 

Birth to six months

An infant likes to look at objects around him. By three to four months, he may be accidentally batting toys with his hands or feet, and by four to six months he may intentionally try to touch and grasp objects. During the earliest months you can hang mobiles from the crib or ceiling, put a safe mirror against the side of the crib, or secure a colorful pinwheel to the hood of the baby stroller. Once he grasps objects, you can provide soft toys that can safely go in his mouth and that won’t harm him if he bumps against them: a rattle or squeaking toy, teething beads toys with faces.

 

 

Six to twelve months

Once baby can sit up, attach a busy box to the side of his crib. He’ll enjoy one with buttons, dials, pop-ups, and other things he can control. You also can give him kitchen items to play with such as pots and pans, plastic bowls and spoons, and a spill-proof container filled with water that he can shake and watch. He’ll like cuddly dolls, squeeze toys, soft cars and trucks, large balls, hollow blocks made from heavy cardboard, and cloth or cardboard books. You can make books for him by slipping pictures into a photo album.

Twelve to eighteen months

Your child will enjoy trucks or cars he can sit on, push-and-pull toys, doll carriages, plastic lawn mowers, wheelbarrows, a two-step kitchen stool he can stand on to see high places, pounding boards, toy telephones, music boxes, rocking toys, outside and indoor climbing equipment with ladders and slides, and adults’ shoes he can walk around in. He’ll also like simple toys he can take apart and plastic bottles with tops to take off and put on.

 

 

Eighteen to twenty-four months

Your child will enjoy stringing large wooden beads, screwing and unscrewing bottle caps, using a punching bag, pushing a toy shopping cart, using plastic tools, playing with balls of different sizes and shapes, arranging magnets on the refrigerator, and playing with stuffed animals. He may be happy for long periods playing with sand or water if he has shovels, pails, measuring cups, sieves, funnels, and plastic bottles to use. Although he will not be able to pedal yet, he may enjoy a Big Wheel or a small bike without pedals.

 Two to three years

A child this age may enjoy rubber, p, d or wooden animals, dolls and dolls’ accessories; a play stove, refrigerator, and sink with dishes, pots, arid Pans; dress-up clothes; a play house; a doctor’s kit; large blocks; cars, trucks, a play firehouse and fire engine, and a toy garage and gas station. Most two- and three-year-olds can use pens, paint, crayons, chalk (fun to use on the sidewalk), big paint brushes to use with water outside, and when closely supervised, child-size scissors. Your child will probably have fun jumping on a mattress that’s flat on the floor, kicking a deflated ball that can’t roll away from him, and riding a tricycle. He’ll also like using puzzles, playing musical instruments, and listening to CDs or tapes of folk, classical, or children’s music.

Four to five years

A child this age will like using arts and crafts materials such as pens, pencils, markers, scissors, tape, glue, string, play dough, clay, watercolors, tempera (which can be mixed with soap flakes to help prevent stains), and finger prints. Wagons, Big Wheels, and bikes with or without training wheels are fun, as are balls, bats, Frisbees, bubble blowers, kites, bowling pins, balance boards, old tires to swing or jump on, and bean bags to toss. Some of the most popular games for this age group are Candy Land, Hungry Hippos, Sorry, various matching games, Fish, and Old Maid. You can try offering your child practical things to play with, such as flashlights, magnifying glasses. Whistles, simple tools, old household objects he can safely take apart, or a bank and coins; rakes and snow shovels; a funnel, pump, and eggbeater to use while playing with water and bubbles; and a large plastic needle for sewing burlap. Your child may enjoy building with Tinker Toys, Lagos, and all kinds of blocks, and may want to make forts and houses out of blankets or large cardboard boxes. You can help your child make a puppet theater from a table turned on its side; he can run the show with play tickets, play money, and a toy cash register. A child this age is influenced by his friends and by TV and may want whatever toy other children have.

When you provide toys for a child of any age, avoid giving too many that limit creative play. So many toys can only be put together and used in one way, and if your child spends all his time with such toys, he’ll have little chance to make his own creations. Instead, look for toys that can be used in a variety of ways, and ones that allow him to use his imagination. For example, instead of buying kits of shrinkable plastic with predawn pictures, buy the same plastic, without the drawings, at a craft store. Then your child can make his own designs.

As you buy toys, you may find that your child becomes intensely interested in a new plaything for several weeks and then loses interest. This is common, although it may be disturbing if you’ve spent time and energy shopping for the right toy, one your child said he “wanted so badly.” He loses interest for several reasons: he may have quickly exhausted all the toy’s play possibilities, he may have mastered the toy, figuring out how it works, or he may be frustrated because it isn’t made well or is difficult to use.

To get more use from your child’s discarded but almost new toys put them away in a closet for several months. When you take them out, they’ll seem unfamiliar to your child, and he may become interested in them again. He may even think of new ways to play with them, since his interests and his play are always changing.

       A beautifully dressed two-year-old waits in line to see Santa Claus. When it’s her turn, Santa says, “Come here, little girl,” and the girl’s parents say, “Go sit on his lap.” She listens, looks at the smiling face in front of her, and bursts into tears. She’s afraid of Santa.

       It surprises people to learn that many children fear such a friendly character. After all, from a parent’s perspective, Santa represents love and the spirit of gift giving. When a child resists sitting on kind Santa’s lap, her parents become embarrassed and easily wonder, “What’s wrong with her?” They may try to force their child onto Santa or use threats and bribes: “If you sit on Santa’s lap you’ll get a lot of toys for Christmas.”

       Even when parents are patient, they’re usually unsuccessful in getting their child to come in contact with Santa. Young children struggle and resist him out of fear, and it’s almost impossible to convince them not to be afraid.

       Most children under the age of five believe that what they hear and see is real. They regard their own perspective as absolute and for them. Santa is real. They see him in shopping malls, they read and sing about him, and their parents talk as though he truly existed.

       This Santa, with a rather deep voice and a beard that covers most of his face, can be scary-looking and unpleasant to a young child. Since she’s in contact with Santa only during the Christmas season, he’s unfamiliar and children do not go to unfamiliar people with ease. She’s not sure he’s nice and her parents aren’t always reassuring about his looks. While they tell her that a Halloween character or a clown is only someone dressed in a costume, they don’t say that Santa, too, is wearing a costume. They don’t want her to know.

       A young child’s belief in a real Santa can take on a mysterious quality, giving Santa tremendous power. Santa “knows” when she is good or bad, and he decides which gifts she will receive. He seems omnipotent, flying through the sky, entering her home when she’s asleep, watching her all the time. It can be frightening for her to think about Santa coming at night and when she learns that he arrives through the chimney she begins to wonder, “How will he fit? What if he falls? How does he get the toys down the chimney?” If there is no chimney, “How will he get in?”

       A child may worry about being judged by Santa, who will decide if she’s been good enough to receive gifts on Christmas. And her parents, not realizing she’s already under a lot of pressure during this time of the year, may say, “You’d better be good or Santa won’t bring you a present.” Adults often use this line when they’re frustrated with children’s behavior, but it adds a threatening note to the fun and excitement of Christmas gift-giving. A child who hears this threat repeatedly may become anxious, silly, aggressive, or fearful.

       Realistically, a child cannot live up to Santa’s or her parents’ expectations of good behavior. Young children struggle when they have to pick up their toys, they don’t like to go to bed, they usually don’t brush their teeth or wash their hands and faces without being reminded (at least twice), and they usually don’t help with day-to-day chores. It’s not that children are “bad,” it’s that parents’ and Santa’s expectations are unrealistic.

       Given Santa’s power to judge, his unusual appearance, and his ability to see and be everywhere it’s not surprising when a young child has ambivalent feelings about approaching him. She wants to tell him what to bring for Christmas and she wants to please her parents, but she’s afraid.

       Fortunately, if your child fears Santa, there are a variety of things you can do ahead of time to help her feel better. The most important is to reassure and prepare her by talking about Santa, mentioning his size, voice, and clothes. You can explain that he is friendly and enjoys talking with children about Christmas. You also can try letting your child go up to him with a sibling or friend. Be selective about the Santas you visit, asking your friends about their experiences at various shopping centers, and watching a Santa to see how he acts with young children. A Santa who doesn’t put too much pressure on children will make you and your child more comfortable.

       Finally, consider your child’s age and personality when deciding how far to go during the Santa visit. A shy child might display more apprehension than an outgoing child. A one and one-half- or two-year-old will be more frightened than a three- or four-year-old. Children with confident older siblings can often be convinced that Santa is nice and likes children.

       Whatever you try, your child may still cry and refuse to go to Santa. If this happens, step back with her and try to find a good alternative activity such as waving to him or sitting down to watch. In a year or so there are bound to be changes in her attitudes, and even though she cries this year, she may have fun visiting Santa next Christmas.

 Picture Credit : Google

        All children have bedtime fears. They worry about a monster in the closet, an alligator under the bed, or a skeleton at the window. Such frightening images are part of a child’s internal world. At night, when the stimulations and distractions of the day are over, he may begin to focus on this world and on the anxious thoughts and feelings that were stirred up during the day. Worries about a new school, a move, or parents’ arguments can cause him to feel afraid. And bedtime darkness makes him feel even more scared and vulnerable.

       Fears of monsters, witches, and other bad things sometimes originate with a child’s own anger. Adults seldom remember the intensity of childhood emotions. Anger is often rage—the determination to have, to control, and to do for themselves is very strong in children. And because they are egocentric, children assume that adults feel the same things they do. A child who’s angry enough to hurt someone or destroy something may believe that the powerful adults around him, like monsters, feel angry enough to hurt him. This is a scary proposition.

       Because a child isn’t comfortable with hostile thoughts aimed at his parents, he unconsciously projects his own feelings onto them or onto monsters. Instead of thinking, “I’m so angry at Mom and Dad,” he thinks, “Mom and Dad are angry at me.” The result of this projection can be an increased fear of monsters and other frightening creatures.

       The specific scary images that frighten a child can be introduced by a television show, a movie, a fairy tale, or even a picture in a book. Some parents who try to alleviate their child’s fears by showing him a book about nice monsters may actually be giving him something else to be afraid of. This can happen because he has difficulty distinguishing what is real from what is not. Once he sees a picture of a monster, even a harmless one, he may be convinced that such a thing exists. Therefore, parents may want to keep a sensitive child from seeing scary books, television shows, or movies.

       If your child tells you he’s frightened of monsters, try to reassure him. For example, you can say, “Sometimes children think that monsters are real, but I know there are no such things. You’re very safe here.” Be careful not to pressure him into agreeing that his fears are irrational. And don’t dismiss his fears by saying, “Don’t be afraid.” Children who are told their fears are silly will continue to feel afraid, but may not openly express themselves because they anticipate being ridiculed or shamed. Instead, they may cry, cling, or have frequent scary dreams.

       Try to get your child to express his fears, since talking can help him deal with them. The inability to discuss fears can make them feel more real and give them more power. You might ask him, “What does a monster do? What does it look like? Can you draw a picture of it? Where did you think you saw it?” Such questions will help you learn more about what frightens your child. When he’s scared, you may have to spend more time than usual sitting with him, reassuring him at bed-time. You may feel more patients about this if you remember your own childhood fears. Although you may have received assurances from your parents, you still believed that frightening things lurked in the closets and under the bed.

       No matter how long you sit with your child, talk with him, or comfort him, he won’t give up his fears easily. You can help him best by consistently being available to reassure and comfort him.

 Picture Credit : Google

 

       Young children regard Halloween with a mixture of excitement and uneasiness. On one hand, the holiday means candy, dressing up, and a full day of fun with friends, but on the other hand, it means strange sights, frightening sounds, and darkness. The ambivalence that children feel about the two sides of Halloween carries over to most aspects of the holiday, including anticipation, picking out costumes, and trick-or-treating. And parents have ambivalent feelings too about the issues of safety and eating sweets.

       Before Halloween begins, some parents find that their child’s behavior changes. She may become more silly or aggressive or may whine more than usual, asking again and again, “When’s Halloween?” Much of the difficulty before the holiday centers around her desire to wear her costume. If she’s allowed to dress up in it before Halloween, she may have an easier time waiting for the enjoyable as well as the scary activities to begin. She also may feel less anxious if she can mark off the remaining days on a calendar or tear one piece off a paper chain for each day left before October 31.

       Some parents, as part of the pre-Halloween excitement, buy holiday books. Yet these books often have pictures and ideas that can frighten young children who believe that what they see in a book is real. If a Halloween story is too frightening, parents can change the words as they read, or try creating their own family picture books.

       The most exciting part of Halloween is usually picking out and wearing a costume. Children enjoy dressing up because they can experiment with fantasy and try out different roles: they can be television characters, superheroes, or grown-up workers. Children often change their minds about which costume to wear and sometimes argue with their parents about costume choices. In most cases, parents should let their child choose her own disguise.

       Some children are afraid of costumes, especially ones designed to be frightening. Since young children don’t fully understand the difference between reality and make-believe, they are not convinced that a scary ghost or a monster is only pretend. Even when they know the person under the disguise, they may respond to the costume with fear.

       Because of their fears, some children don’t want to dress up. This can make parents feel uneasy as they wonder why she doesn’t like Halloween. Parents in this situation should try to remember that all children are different - ones with older siblings may feel more comfortable in costumes, and outgoing children may enjoy dressing up more than reserved ones do. The age of a child makes a big difference, and older children, who are better able to understand that a real person is behind each mask, enjoy holiday costumes more.

       If your child is afraid of costumes, reassure her. You can say, “Costumes look scary, but they’re only pretend. People pretend to be ghosts just like you pretend you’re a fire fighter.” Sometimes such statements work, but often they don’t. If your child is afraid, and you’ve tried unsuccessfully to lessen her worries, don’t pressure her. She’ll grow out of her fears when she can understand what’s real and what’s not.

      Sometimes a child will wear a costume but not a mask. Masks partially cover a child’s eyes and face, and this may intensify her fears. Try using face makeup instead of a mask, or help your child make a mask that she can hold rather than wear. Such a mask will let her exert quick control, and may make her feel more comfortable.

      When Halloween night comes and most children’s costumes are on, the trick-or-treating begins. Your child may find this to be a difficult part of the holiday. It’s dark and there are many people outside, all looking like strangers, many looking very spooky. A child who finds costumes frightening may be overwhelmed by the sight of so many disguised trick-or-treaters.

        Your child may be afraid to trick-or-treat at other people’s homes. All year long you’ve told her not to talk to strangers or go to unfamiliar houses, yet on Halloween night it’s suddenly acceptable to go and ask for candy. A neighbor’s house may seem strange if your child has never been inside. And your child may be afraid either that people will answer their doors wearing scary costumes or that she’ll have to stand at a doorstep with other children dressed in frightening disguises.

       Your two- or three-year-old may hesitate to trick-or-treat because she's never done it before. And if your child is shy, she may not want to talk to neighbors, even if you coach her. And many children don’t like to be focused on by people, especially strangers, who admire their costumes.

       There’s another side to trick-or-treat anxiety—your concerns about your child’s safety. Because of frightening news stories, many parents warn their children about unwrapped candy and spend time looking through their children’s bags for open or suspicious food. In order to avoid the possibility of unsafe candy, some parents decide to skip trick-or-treating altogether, instead trying community parties, costume parades, home parties, or Halloween craft treats.

       If you do allow trick-or-treating, you’ll have to decide what to do with all the candy. Some parents let their children eat a few pieces on Halloween night; others let them eat whatever they want. The days following the holiday can be difficult if your child doesn’t lose interest in her candy. If you choose eventually to throw the goodies out, let her know ahead of time so she can pick out a few special pieces to save. Through all of this it might help you to realize that, while Halloween can be an exciting time, it’s not always easy for the families of young children.

 Picture Credit : Google

        Many parents worry when their children, usually between the ages of three and five, create imaginary friends. Parents wonder, “Why does he need one? Can’t he tell the difference between a real person and a pretend one?” And while they are sometimes amused by their child’s concerns (“Watch out! You’ll sit on Herman!”), they’re more often frustrated.

        Yet, an imaginary friend is an important and creative part of growing up for many children. The friend helps a child deal with emotions and problems that he might otherwise not be able to handle. For example, he might invent a companion as a way of relieving loneliness when he moves to a new home, leaving his real friends behind. Or the imaginary friend might help him deal with a new baby in the family, the start of day care or nursery school, or tension at home. Sometimes he creates an imaginary animal, such as a dog, to help overcome a fear a real dogs or because he wishes to have a dog.

        If a child feels overly controlled or unaccepted by his parents, he may invent a companion who’s very accepting and who always likes him. He may even become a demanding “parent” to his friend, whom he imagines to be a powerless child: “Herman that was very bad. You shouldn’t have done that.”

        Sometimes a child will use an imaginary companion to relieve himself of guilt. Since a child who’s done something wrong fears discipline and the loss of his parents’ love, he may deny his misbehavior even when he’s been caught. If he greatly fears rejection, he may blame his imaginary friend for his own misdeeds. That way he will not have to deal with criticism, responsibility, or bad feelings about himself: “Herman took the papers off your desk,” or, “Herman made me do it.” In such a situation, parents can say, “I can’t allow you or Herman to play with my papers,” or, “You messed up the papers on my desk and I want you to help me clean them up.”

        If your child has an imaginary friend, you may wonder what to do about it. Should you set an extra place at the table, as your child requests, or will your acceptance of the companion just prolong the fantasy? Compromise is the best solution. It’s certainly all right to go along with some of your child’s requests for his imaginary friend. And as long as you are patient with your child, it’s also all right to set limits: “You may talk about your friend, but we’re not going to change our routine for him right now”. If you’re worried because your child believes in an imaginary character, keep in mind that we encourage children to believe in the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, and other pretend characters. The main difference between these and your child’s friend is that the friend is your child’s own creation.

        If you think your child is involved in fantasy because he feels powerless, consider the amount of freedom you allow him. You may want to give him more opportunities to express his feelings and to explore. And if your child seems lonely because of a recent move or the lack of nearby playmates, help him to find real friends who can eventually take the place of the imaginary one.

       As your child grows, he will give up his pretend companion, gradually taking on the qualities and responsibilities he assigned to his friend. In time, he and you will look back on this short phase as simply an interesting part of growing up.

 Picture Credit : Google

         Because the mouth is a source of pleasure for a young child, when he feels discomfort or pain in his mouth (from teething, sore gums, etc.) the experience can seem intolerable. And he may strongly resist a visit to the dentist, even though he will only feel mildly uncomfortable there.

         Most children first go for a dental check-up when they are three or three and one-half years old. A younger child will go if he has a problem with his teeth or gums. Although a child under three probably will not understand what a dental visit is about, his parents should still try to prepare him by describing in a simple way, the dentist’s procedures: “He’s going to look inside your mouth and check your teeth.” At the office, a very young child might cooperate if he’s examined while sitting on his parent’s lap. If this isn’t possible, his parents should at least stay nearby to offer reassurance.

         A child who’s three or older is usually able to cooperate and follow directions well enough to be examined by a dentist. When he is going for his first check-up, tell him what to expect. Try acting out a visit to the office if you think your child is fearful. You can read him picture books on the subject or call the office before the appointment and ask how to help your child feel less anxious.

         Despite your preparations, your child may still enter the dentist’s office feeling scared, and what he sees and hears there may make him feel worse. The sound of the drill can be frightening, and the dentist’s instruments look sharp. When your child is sitting in the chair, he can feel vulnerable and afraid since he doesn’t have control over what goes into his mouth. Encourage him to express his feelings and ask the dentist questions: “Will that hurt me? When will you be done?” If you’ve chosen a pediodontist or dentist who’s sensitive and likes children, he or she will reassure your child and explain the procedures in advance, and perhaps providing a mirror so your child can watch. You or the dentist might be able to distract your child by talking about the “treasure” he’ll take home after the appointment.

         It sometimes happens that parents are more afraid of dental examinations than their children are. If you’re apprehensive about dentists, try not to pass your anxieties on to your child.

 Picture Credit : Google

         Many children have negative feelings--based on past experience and fearful imaginings—about seeing a doctor. If your child is afraid of doctors, you might be tempted to keep an appointment from him; you may even consider starting out for the office without letting him know where you both are going. Although this may seem like a good way to keep him from getting upset, deceiving him is a mistake. You deprive him of time to prepare for the visit, and you may increase his fear. He might believe that you didn’t tell him about the appointment because there was something to be afraid of. It’s always better to let your child know in advance about an office visit.

        If your child is under two years old, you may have a difficult time preparing him for the appointment. A child this young, who won’t fully understand the reasons for his visit, may enter the doctor’s office calmly and then cry or feel anxious when he goes into the examining room. Many parts of a standard check-up are uncomfortable: the child gags as his throat is checked, he feels momentary pain during blood tests and inoculations, and he’s measured and tested with cold instruments. No matter how well-mannered the physician is, the examination can be an unpleasant and therefore fearful experience.

        During an examination, you can offer comfort and reassurance to your child: “I’m right here beside you,” “I know you don’t like to have your ears checked,” “The doctor’s almost done.” But such words won’t usually relieve the child’s anxiety, especially when, as sometimes happens, you’re physically restraining him so the doctor can continue the examination. Sometimes a child in this situation will feel comforted if his toy or blanket is nearby.

         You’ll be more successful preparing your child if he’s between three and five years old. He’ll be better able to understand what happens during an exam and to verbalize some of his anxieties. Talk ahead of time about the appointment. Tell him briefly about the procedures, the instruments the doctor will use, the toys in the waiting room, and the set-up of the examining rooms, but try to present this information in a way that won’t frighten him: “Do you remember the table in the examining room? I can read you a story while you sit up there and wait for the doctor.” “There are cups in the examining room so you can get a drink of water.” If an injection is scheduled, say, “Your shot might hurt, but only for a moment.”

         When your child expresses his fears, accept them; don’t pressure, him to “be brave” or “be good.” When he knows that he can say “ouch” or cry, he may feel less upset about getting an injection or having his ears and throat checked.

         He may tell you he doesn’t want to take his clothes off in the doctor’s office. This is a common worry for children four to five years old. Let him know he may have to undress, but talk to your doctor about the situation. Many pediatricians will accommodate a modest child by weighing or examining him while he’s partly clothed.

        Your child may relieve some of his own anxiety about appointments by playing doctor. When he takes the role of doctor, he’s in control as he re-experiences some of the uncomfortable and frightening things that have happened to him. Children usually play doctor by giving pretend injections and using bandages, but occasionally they undress and examine each other. This is a common, innocent occurrence, and you should try not to make your child feel ashamed for playing this way. Just gently set limits about keeping clothes on.

        No matter how well you prepare your child, he may remain anxious and afraid. Some children are just more worried than others about appointments and doctors. As long as he is fearful, the best you can do is accept his feelings, give him honest information about what to expect, and offer him reassurance. 

 Picture Credit : Google

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          It’s hard to give a haircut to children under two because they wriggle around so much, and it’s hard to cut the hair of children over two because they’re often afraid of haircuts, and struggle and resist. Two-and three-year-olds have a general fear of bodily harm and often believe that haircuts hurt, that their hair won’t grow back, that shampoo will get in their eyes and sting, and that they will be helpless sitting in front of a stranger with scissors.

  
  
  

          You should talk to your child about getting a haircut, and reassure her. She may feel less anxious if she has a doll to play beauty shop with. As she washes and cuts (or pretends to cut) the doll’s hair, she may begin to feel in control of a situation that frightens her.

  
  
  

            If your child is very young or quite frightened of haircuts, you may want to cut her hair at home. You or a relative or close friend can do this as she sits in her high chair and plays with some of her toys or watches you in a mirror. Since it’s hard for young children to hold still, and since you may not be an experienced stylist, you shouldn’t expect your child’s home haircut to be perfect.

  
  
  

           When your child is three or four, you may want to take her to a professional stylist. For a first haircut, go to someone recommended by other parents or someone who specializes in cutting children’s hair. Before you bring her in for an appointment, you might want to observe the stylist and talk to him or her about your child’s anxiety.

  
  
  

           Your child might feel comfortable going to the same barber shop or hair salon you use. She may have seen your stylist at work already and be familiar with the surroundings and the people in the shop. Taking her with you when you (or your older child) get a haircut is a good way to help her get over her fears. If she resists professional haircuts but you’re determined to take her to a stylist, try to distract her with an interesting object or by promising her a treat. One mother held her son on her lap during haircuts when he was under two, and when he was over two, she tried to distract him with a few play things.

  
  
  

           When your child is five she may develop clear opinions about hairstyles. She may prefer a particular look: long hair, short hair, bangs, a Ponytail. One boy told his mother he wanted a curl on his forehead “just like Superman’s.” If you don’t agree with your child’s choice, the two of you may struggle before each haircut. Try to remember your own childhood arguments about hair, and how it felt to have no control over your looks. If you let your child have some say in how she wears her hair, trips to the stylist usually will go smoothly.

  
  


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   Picture Credit : Google

  
  


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Until a child is nine months old, he believes that objects and People exist only if he can see them. At six months, if you take a toy away from your child and hide it behind your hack as he watches, he’ll act as though there no longer is a toy. In the same Way, when you leave his side to go into another room, he may believe you no longer exist. Your disappearance frightens him, which explains the anxiety and tears you see.

When you play peek-a-boo with your baby, you reenact the anxiety and relief he feels each time you leave and return. You hide behind your hands or a blanket and he believes you are no longer there. He may even become momentarily upset and whimper. When you suddenly reappear and say peek-a-boo, he laughs with delight to have you back.

By nine or ten months, a child begins to have some idea that objects exist even when he can’t see them. At this age, he may look for a hidden toy if he saw you put it behind your back or under a pillow. But at times he may still react with fear and uncertainty when you leave him because his understanding of people’s permanence is not fully developed and won’t be until he’s two or two and one-half years old.

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A three and one-half-year-old interrupted his mother’s phone call. “Can I go outside?” She motioned for him to wait a minute, but he persisted. “Mom, Josh is outside. Can I ride my bike?” When she whispered for him to be quiet until she was off the phone, he walked away, but was back almost immediately. “Now can I go?” After hanging up, she felt frustrated with the interruptions and wondered why her son couldn’t be more considerate and patient.

Children under the age of five or six have a difficult time thinking of other people’s feelings. Young children, as researcher Jean Piaget pointed out, are egocentric; they focus on their own immediate needs and interests, and consider only one side of any situation—their own. They don’t do this to be selfish, although that’s often the result. They are generally incapable, during their early years, of putting themselves in another person’s place or imagining how other people think. Egocentrism is a normal, although difficult, part of child development.

Parents see egocentric thinking and behavior when children play. One child will grab another’s toy; others will hit and call each other names, two children will discuss the faults of a third who stands next to them. When young children play board games, they often cheat, not caring about their opponent’s chances. A child who drew an unfavorable card while playing a game said, “I’m just not listening to this card.”

Parents try to change their children’s actions and teach their children to stick to rules. “Don’t hit, you’ll hurt him”, “He was using that”, “You should include her in your game.” Yet children have limited control over their thinking and often forget to (or just can’t) consider others.

Frequent struggles over a child’s self-centered ways can be very frustrating for parents. They may wonder if he is particularly unpleasant or if he acts selfish to “get at” them, and they may also wonder if they’ve set firm enough limits: “Do other children act this way?” When, for instance, a child doesn’t let his mother rest (“Mom, look at my picture!”) even when she’s not feeling well, she may wonder if her child has any considerate feelings at all.

Although at times your child may act egocentric because you have not set sufficient limits, more often he’ll behave this way because he’s not yet able to consider other people’s needs. Your expectations for his behavior should take into account this stage of development. If you always expect him to be polite and considerate, you and he will find yourselves in constant conflict.

It’s very important that you establish limits for your child and try to teach him appropriate behavior. But you should also try to be flexible and patient as he grows through this stage and gradually learns to think about others’ feelings and points of view. Of course, it’s unrealistic to think you can always be understanding. You often may become angry at his thoughtless behavior, but understanding that this is a part of normal development is helpful. One mother became particularly upset and embarrassed as she heard her daughter tell a boy who could not come to her birthday party, “Oh, goody. Now we’ll have enough chairs.” Expect to hear such statements, but also be assured that eventually your child will learn to be more considerate.

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“Mom, how did the baby get in your stomach?” “How did I get born?” “Am I going to have a baby, too?” Parents are sometimes caught by surprise as their three- to five-year-old begins asking questions about sex and childbirth. They wonder how much to tell their child, and when to tell her. Some books and specialists advise parents to give young children all the facts about sex and reproduction, but children often are unable to absorb and comprehend such information. Learning about and understanding reproduction is a gradual process that continues through the childhood years.

Young children usually have their own ideas about how the human body works, based on their observations and experience. Before parents talk to their child about pregnancy, they should ask what she thinks so they know where to start the discussion: “How do you think the baby got inside of me?” Many children believe that eating too much causes pregnancy and that a woman gives birth in the same way she has a bowel movement. A child who’s heard that a baby starts from a special seed might think that pregnancy comes from eating seeds. Parents may discover that their child is afraid of pregnancy, since children often fear things they don’t understand and things they imagine. By asking questions, parents find out about such thoughts and discover how to reassure her.

Before you offer your three- to five-year-old the facts about pregnancy and birth, wait for her to ask questions. There’s no need to volunteer information if she’s not yet curious about the subject. And when she does ask, don’t overwhelm her with information. Start with simple explanations: “The baby grows in a special place inside the mother.” Such a statement may satisfy her only for a few minutes or for six months. Wait for her to ask for more before you continue your discussion; don’t feel that you have to tell all the facts at one time.

If you do explain too much too soon, she may become confused or upset. One five-year-old girl, after hearing the details of childbirth, declared, “I’m never going to have a baby”. A three and one-half-year-old, who had been enrolled in a sibling childbirth class where he heard all the facts about birth, still believed that “Mom’s stomach unzips so the baby can get out.” Both these children were too young to handle the information. If your child seems curious about pregnancy and birth, explain the facts in simple terms that you think she can understand. You will satisfy her curiosity without overwhelming her. Then, when she’s older, she’ll have an easier time understanding, cognitively and emotionally, the facts of pregnancy.

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A father handed his daughter and her friend cups containing equal amounts of raisins. The daughter looked at both cups and said, “Alison has more. I want more.”

“But I gave you each the same amount”, her father protested. The girl refused to accept the facts and continued to argue for more raisins.

Struggles often develop over such issues for children less than five years old. They base their reasoning on how things look, not necessarily on how things really are. If something appears right to a child, she’ll accept it, even if her acceptance defied logic. One child wanted a whole cup of juice, but her mother only had half a cup left. The child fussed and refused the drink until her mother poured it into a tiny cup. The small amount of juice filled the little cup and the child was happy, even though she still had the same amount of juice she had just refused as inadequate.

Parents can become frustrated when their children don’t think logically. A parent can count out jellybeans to prove that all the children at a party have the same number, but the children often will not believe the shares are equal unless they “look” equal. A spread out pile may seem bigger than a compact one; a tall, thin container may appear to hold more than a short, wide one. Parents can demonstrate this pre-logical thinking with a simple experiment. They can line up pennies in two identical rows, and then spread one of the rows out. A child under six or seven will say that the wider row now has more pennies in it, even though she saw that no new pennies were added.

It’s difficult, if not impossible, to change a young child’s reasoning before she’s developmentally ready to think logically. Once you realize that your child thinks differently than you do, you can understand why she so often rejects what seems perfectly reasonable. By the time she’s five or six, you will see dramatic changes in her thinking and reasoning abilities. Until then, you might have to accommodate her at times, rather than struggle to change her mind. A father whose child wanted more ketchup on her plate, even though she clearly had an adequate amount, simply spread the ketchup out so it looked like a larger amount. He avoided an argument, and she was completely satisfied.

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Young children often believe that whatever they hear and see is real. Until a child is between five and seven years old, his experience is limited and his ability to reason is not fully developed; therefore he can’t truly be logical. It may not make sense to an adult, but to a young child, clowns are real, everything on TV is true, everything other children say is true, and a disguise changes a person. The young child’s inability to distinguish make-believe from reality explains his fear of monsters, masks, and costumed figures.

When a young child watches television, he thinks he’s watching real life. One four-year-old saw a Superman program followed by o televised demonstration intended to prove that Superman really didn’t fly. A man lay down on a table and showed how camera tricks simulate flying. After the demonstration, the child’s mother asked if he still thought Superman could fly. “Yes,” he answered, “but that man on the table couldn’t.”

It’s very difficult to convince a child that television doesn’t always represent the truth. The toys in commercials look magical and exciting as they talk and move around on their own. It takes years for a child to develop some skepticism about these advertisements. One young boy insisted that sugared cereal was good for him because television had told him so. His mother explained the purpose of commercials, but be still believed what he’d heard. Although parents usually can’t change their young child’s thinking, they can let him know their own opinions: “The cereal on TV looks good, but I think it’s too sweet for breakfast.” “TV makes it seem like Superman’s flying, but he really isn’t.”

Just as a child believes what he hears on television, he also believes what other people, including other young children, say. If his friend says, “There are bugs under your rug,” or, “The moon is a dead planet,” or, in a moment of anger, “You’re not coming to my party,” the listener accepts the statement as truth without questioning the other child’s knowledge or motives.

 Words are taken literally and have tremendous power. That’s why a young child gets so upset when he’s called “a dummy”; he feels he must shout back, “No, I’m not,” or gets someone else to reassure him. Children, especially those under three, usually can’t separate names from objects and people. A mother told her son that he was handsome and he said, “No, I’m not. I’m Jimmy.” It takes time for children to realize that names are not parts of things but are separate and often changeable.

They can be confused not just by what they hear and see, but by what they imagine and dream. They aren’t sure what dreams are or where they come from: do they come from the sky? the bed? The toys the child sleeps with? through the window? Frightening dreams seem very real and vivid dreams seem part of real life. One child, who had dreamed that an airplane landed in the park behind his house, woke up believing the plane was really there. When his father tried to convince him otherwise, he refused to listen. The father finally took his Son to the park to show that there was no plane.

You can find out what your child thinks by questioning him, listening to him, and observing him. You will find that his thinking is different from that of adults and that he believes many things that aren’t true. As long as he bases his thinking on appearances and his own experience, you may not be able to change his mind on many issues, but as he nears elementary school age, his logical understanding of the world will increase.

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Young children are natural learners and great observers of the here and now. They constantly try to gather information about what goes on around them, and that means they ask many questions and talk a lot: “Who’s that?” “Why is she doing that?” “Where is that truck going?” Since a child believes that adults know everything, she assumes that her parents will have the answer to each question. She also assumes that everything has a purpose that can be discovered just by asking: “Why is that man so tall?”

Sometimes she uses questions to relieve her anxieties. She may ask, “Why is that dog barking?” because she’s afraid of the animal. At other times, she might ask a stream of questions or talk on and on just to be sociable and stay in constant contact with her parents.

Many times, as soon as parents have answered their child’s question, she asks the same question again, or follows their explanation with an immediate, “Why?” This can be annoying because parents feel they’re constantly replying to their child. At times it’s hard to know what she wants, since she’s often not satisfied by the explanations she receives. If parents question her before they offer a complex answer, they may gain some insight into her real needs: “What do you think that word means?” “Tell me why you think that man was running?”

Sometimes she repeatedly asks “why” and rejects an answer because she doesn’t understand it. She may have difficulty absorbing facts that aren’t familiar or that don’t relate directly to her experience. That’s why parents should answer questions on a level that’s appropriate for their child. And they should expect to hear the same questions over and over because it takes time and repetition before she masters complex information.

A child may occasionally ask a question that’s difficult to answer. One four-year-old from a family with three children asked her friend’s mother, “Why do you only have two kids?” The mother, concerned that the child might be upset by an honest answer (two was all she wanted), put the question back to the child, “Why do you think I only have two children?” She replied, “Because you wanted to,” and was satisfied.

A problem often arises when young children ask socially embarrassing questions. You may be in a store with your child when she points to someone and loudly asks, “Why is he so fat?” She has no understanding of the man’s feelings and asks only because she’s spontaneous and curious. Yet, you’ll naturally feel ashamed and sorry. The best you can do at such moments is give her a brief, quiet answer (“That’s just the way he looks.”), and then try to distract her or promise to discuss the situation later in private.

When your child’s constant questions and general chatter bother you, remember that you don’t have to be ready to respond at all times. You can acknowledge her talk by nodding or saying, “I'm listening,” or even, “Um hmm.” She will know you’re aware of her words and, often, that will be enough to make her happy.

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A young child’s thoughts about the world are not based on logic and fact. When a child under five is asked about the sun, he may explain that a man lit a match and threw it up in the sky, and that’s how the sun got there. Young children often believe that humans created the oceans, trees, space, mountains, and other natural phenomena. A child will ask, “Why did they make that mountain so high? Why did they put Switzerland so far away?” After a snowstorm, one child said, “I guess the people ran out of snowflakes.”

Young children assume that inanimate objects have the same motives, intentions, and feelings a child has. One boy looked in his bucket after a downpour and said, “Guess what the rain did. It gave me water. Wasn’t that nice?” Another child, trying his bike for the first time in several months, declared, “Look, my bike got smaller!” Sometimes a child will blame an object for a mishap: “That chair bumped into me!” And when a child misses a ball during a game of catch, he may not feel bad about his own abilities: “That ball started flying crooked.”

To a young child, many objects are alive-a pencil because it writes, a cloud because it moves. Picture books and fairy tales entrance him because they mirror his world by presenting talking objects and animals and trees that walk and sing.

To find out what your child thinks about nature and the objects around him, listen to his explanations of events and ask, “How do you think the stars got there? Why do you think worms crawl?” When he asks you a question, ask for his thoughts before you answer. You’ll be delighted with his responses and fascinated by the insights you get into his thinking. Keep asking and noticing the changing answers he gives as he grows older.

You may be tempted to correct him when he gives you answers that are clearly not factual. Sometimes it’s best to just accept what he says, although at other times you’ll want to offer as much information as you think he can understand. But don’t be surprised if he listens and then sticks to his own thoughts and beliefs. This is natural behavior for children under five or six years old, who generally prefer their own ideas about the world.

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