My Science School

This type of map shows where the streets and roads in a town or city are. It will also show bus stops, stations, schools, hospitals, parks, and other useful and important places. The maps are of different sizes, shapes, and scales. Small maps are used to show the overview of a region’s major roads or routes while large maps give greater details and cover a large area. Highway maps give the overview of major routes within a region. Street maps mainly cover areas within a city or metropolitan area. A collection of road maps bound together in a book is referred to as road atlas. Road maps often use thin lines to indicate minor roads and thicker or bolder colors to indicate major roads.

 

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This type of map shows you the natural features in an area. These include mountains, volcanoes, rivers, lakes, seas, oceans, and deserts. Different colours and symbols are used to represent these features.

Continents:

The physical land mass of the world, the planet Earth, is divided into seven continents of Africa, North America, South America, Europe, Australia, Asia and Antarctica (It being the only uninhabited continent) . Asia with 29% of the world land mass is the largest and Australia with 5.9% of landmass the smallest. Mount Everest is the highest point on earth and Dead Sea the lowest.

Deserts:

Deserts occupy about 33% of the world land mass. Deserts, places on earth which have very little rainfall, can be either hot or cold. The largest cold deserts are the polar deserts of Antarctica and Arctic Circle. The largest sub tropical or hot deserts are the Sahara and Arabian Desert. Gobi and Kalahari are other large deserts.

Mountain ranges:

Mountains cover 24% of the earth land mass and are spread over all the continents. Asia has the largest area covered with mountains and Africa the least- only 3%. Himalayas, the Earth's youngest mountains are also the highest. These mountains are still growing. Mount Everest at 8848 meters is the highest peak and K2 at 8611 meters, the second highest. Alps are the mountain ranges in Europe and Rockies in North America.

Oceans:

Over two-third of the Earth's surface is covered with water and more than 97% of this water is contained in the oceans. The Pacific Ocean is the largest and deepest ocean in the world. The other oceans are Atlantic, Indian, Pacific, Southern and Arctic.

Lakes:

The earth is dotted with lakes-bodies of fresh or salt water surrounded by a land mass. Northern hemisphere has the majority of fresh water lakes. Aral Sea, Dead Sea, and Great Salt Lake are salt water lakes. Caspian Sea, if considered as a lake is the largest. Other large lakes are Lake Michigan in North America, Lake Victoria in Africa, and Lake Eyre in Australia.

Rivers:

Rivers are watercourses flowing towards oceans, seas, lakes or another river. The Nile River, in Africa, with a length of 6695 kilometers is the longest in the world. The Brahmaputra and the Ganges are rivers in Asia. The Colorado and the Mississippi are rivers in North America. The Amazon, the second largest river, is in South America. River Congo, in Africa is the deepest river though it is the ninth longest.

 

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Grandparents can be very special to a child. In a good relationship, they offer unconditional love and acceptance. They often pay undivided attention and listen with interest to all their grandchild has to tell. Many grandparents are flexible—they have free time and their own lives are fairly settled. Since they don’t have day-to-day responsibility for their grandchild, they can get involved without worrying about such tough issues as discipline and education.

Good grandparent-grandchild relationships usually revolve around the child’s interests, although children sometimes will listen carefully to their grandparents’ stories (“We didn’t have computers and videos when I was your age,”) and may enjoy participating in a grandparent’s hobby. Still, the focus is on the child. During the preschool years, most children are happy to stay near their grandparents during a visit. By the early elementary years, kids are involved in many activities and are often busy when grandparents are around. The relationship changes. Grandparents of a six- to nine-year-old may spend less time directly involved with their grandchild and more time watching his soccer games, class plays, or recitals.

Parents find themselves in the middle of the grandparent-grandchild relationship. In the best situations, parents love to share their child’s accomplishments with grandparents and hear them say wonderful things back. It’s especially gratifying when grandparents compliment parents for successful child-rearing. But the relationship can be complex and uncomfortable, especially for the generation in the middle.

When grandparents criticize the way their grandchild is being raised, parents resent the intrusion. If grandparents are especially loving towards their grandchild, a parent may angrily or jealously wonder why she didn’t experience such acceptance when she was young: “Why are they so nice now? They were never like that when I was growing up.” At the other extreme, if grandparents aren’t loving enough, parents mourn the loss of a relationship they wanted for their child.

By the time a child is in elementary school, he knows a great deal about his grandparents. He knows how they react to him, how likely they are to pay attention and play with him, and what their personalities are like. A grandchild sometimes sees the same characteristics that his parents once saw. And he, like his parents, may be bothered: “Grandpa thinks he knows everything.” Parents can commiserate: “You know, when I was growing up I sometimes felt the same way about Grandpa. I think it’s his way of giving advice and helping out.” Parents usually find that their child is more tolerant of a grandparent’s idiosyncrasies than they are.

If your child’s grandparents are intent on seeing and enjoying him, the relationship will flourish. If they are emotionally or geographically distant, there are some things you can do to encourage the relationship.

When grandparents live far away, remain in contact via telephone or email. Exchange audio tapes describing recent activities or send videotapes of your child playing, singing, showing off his room, or telling a story. You can help your child write to his grandparents by giving him several addressed, stamped envelopes ready to send off with a letter, photo, or drawing.

If you’ve kept grandparents at a distance because of their attitudes or actions, reconsider now that your child is older. One parent who thought her mother overindulged the grandchildren as preschoolers saw that the leniency and generosity didn’t harm them or make them greedy. She began to invite her mother over more often.

If you sense that your child is bothered or worried about his grandparents, let him talk about his feelings. If his grandmother is sick or if there’s a sudden change in her health or living situation, he will ask lots of questions and seek reassurance: “Will Grandma be all right?” “Will she always be sad now?” “Will we still get to see her?”

The relationship between grandparents and grandchildren can enrich both generations. When it works, it’s wonderful. When it doesn’t develop as you would wish, there still will be benefits. As the parent in-between, try to accept whatever disappointment you feel and nurture the good parts of the relationship.

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Jewish children often feel a sense of alienation during the Christmas/Hanukkah season. Stores and houses are filled with decorations for a holiday Jewish children don’t celebrate. Well-meaning strangers ask, “What are you getting for Christmas?” “Have you put up your tree yet?” and Jewish children feel awkward answering. Schools often center art projects and assemblies on Christmas, and some children and adults who know little about Judaism say in amazement, “You mean you don’t celebrate Christmas?”

Young Jewish children may feel they’re missing something. A holiday when parents are off from work and presents are placed beneath a decorated tree can seem enticing: “Can’t we get a Christmas tree too and still celebrate Hanukkah?” “Do we get as many presents at Hanukkah as kids who celebrate Christmas?”

Jewish children can also feel resentment and anger that their holiday, Hanukkah, is not treated as Christmas is: “Why are there Christmas decorations everywhere? Why not Hanukkah decorations?” “Not everybody celebrates Christmas. They should care about other people’s religions.” These feelings stem from a child’s desire to be treated equally and fairly. A six- to nine-year-old wants to be like her friends and classmates. At Christmas, Jewish children become acutely aware of the differences between themselves and their Christian friends.

Jewish parents should let their child express her feelings and they should try to understand her anger. They should then use the holiday season to talk about the differences between religions, the feelings of minorities, and the meaning of various holidays in our diverse culture. Although Hanukkah is not as religiously significant to Jews as Christmas is to Christians, the two often are linked because of their closeness on the calendar and because gifts are given for both. Jewish children should be taught the importance of their own holiday and should be helped to enjoy it for the cultural, historical, and religious occasion that it is.

To help your child focus on the positive side of the holiday season, try recreating Hanukkah activities you remember from your childhood. Ask your child how she’d like to mark the holiday: baking and cooking, playing games, making cards and gifts. Encourage a sense of community by inviting friends and relatives over to light the Hanukkah candles during the holiday’s eight nights. Ask your child’s teacher if she’d like you to make a class presentation on Hanukkah.

Many Jewish families help their Christian friends decorate a tree. This is one way to share the enjoyment of the holiday season. Also be sure your child has an opportunity during the holidays to perform community service with you or otherwise help you give to people in need.

During this season, as at other times, show the behavior you’d like your child to adopt. Let her see your enthusiasm for Hanukkah and understanding and respect for the religious beliefs of others. Eventually she will be able to enjoy her own holiday and observe the celebration of Christmas without feeling left out.

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Dealing with a child’s emotional and behavioral problems can be difficult. It’s hard for parents to judge how serious their child’s problems are or to decide how to handle them. Some upsetting behavior may be temporary, due to circumstances such as a move or the birth of a sibling. Some problems, particularly ones affecting schoolwork, can be resolved after an evaluation by a school psychologist. Other troubling behavior patterns indicate deeper, ongoing problems that require therapy.

Complicating the issue of treating emotional problems are parents’ questions and fears. Although parents wouldn’t hesitate to contact a pediatrician about their child’s physical illnesses, they’re often quite reluctant to talk to a therapist about emotional difficulties. Many parents don’t know what’s involved in child therapy and fear the unknown. They may worry that their child will be stigmatized or labeled. They find his problems too complex to deal with, and they avoid therapy out of a sense of frustration or helplessness. There are parents who can’t look at their child’s behavior objectively and miss problems that are obvious to others.

The tendency for parents to resist child therapy is natural. They usually blame themselves for their child’s problems: “Maybe I should have spent more time with her.” “I should have set firmer limits.” They feel guilty and may avoid seeking help rather than face their uncomfortable feelings.

Although parents sometimes decide on their own to seek a child therapist, the initiative often comes from a pediatrician, teacher, or school counselor who’s noticed troubling symptoms in the child. His schoolwork may be poor, he may be disrupting the class, or he may show physical signs of stress. Parents who are initially upset by a recommendation to seek therapy sometimes feel relief at the prospect of finding answers and help.

It’s hard to generalize about the severity and nature of emotional problems, but there are signs parents can look for when evaluating their child. Does he have a difficult time expressing his anger? Does he seem especially angry? Is his home situation stressful? Has there been recent family trauma? Are his behavior patterns significantly different from his peers’? Does he get into fights at school? Do neighborhood parents report that he’s too aggressive? Does he work below his potential at school? Does his teacher report negative behavior? Is he withdrawn? Does he have a poor self-image? Has anyone suggested he take medication for behavioral reasons?

Parents should remember that all children display some of these behavioral problems at times, particularly when they are adjusting to changes in their lives, such as school pressures, parents’ new work schedules, or tensions in the home. Parents need to worry only when consistent patterns of troubling behavior affect their child’s social life and schoolwork.

Most eight- and nine-year-old children begin “talk” therapy while most six- and seven-year-olds begin with “play therapy.” Since these younger children usually have a hard time verbalizing their feelings, therapists have them communicate through play sessions. Kids literally play out their feelings. While a child pretends with toys or uses clay or drawing materials, his therapist observes and talks with him. If he sets up a mock battle with two figures, the therapist may say, “They must be really angry with each other. Does that kind of fighting remind you of other fights you’ve seen?” A good therapist knows how to interpret play and how to help a child work through difficult issues in the one-on-one setting of a therapy session. One eight-year-old said that his “feelings” doctor helped him stop thinking about robbers and monsters at night.

If you feel your child needs professional help, seek recommendations from your pediatrician or a school counselor. You could consult a clinical social worker, psychologist, or child psychiatrist. Just be sure whoever you select has expertise and experience working with children. You can call your local AMA or American Psychological Association chapter to verify a therapist’s credentials.

Consider interviewing at least two therapists, either by phone or in person, to find out about their practices, fees, personalities, and approaches. Ask about the therapist’s training and about what goes on during a session. Ask how therapy will help your child and how the therapist will keep you informed. Will she observe your child at school? Will she do testing? Does she have a sliding payment scale and does she submit statements to insurance companies? Ask how she suggests you talk to your child about therapy.

When you’ve chosen a therapist, tell your child what the initial visit will be like and explain that the therapist is someone who helps children feels happier and more comfortable with their family, school, and friends. You child may develop a strong attachment to his therapist. The therapist is someone he can trust and someone who accepts his feelings—good and bad—without passing judgment.

Throughout the course of treatment, keep in close contact with the therapist. If you don’t see the progress you expected, talk to her. She should be willing to answer all your questions.

Although it may be difficult for you to accept that your child needs therapy, you’re doing the right thing if you seek help when he’s young. It will be easier for him to alter his behavior and work through problems now than it will be when he’s a teenager. And even at his young age, change may be slow and gradual. Focus on the progress he makes. It’s never easy to alter a child’s behavior or self-image, but with time and patience, you and he should find therapy a remarkably positive experience.

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Consistent communication is an important part of successful family life. Families feel connected when they know members are free to talk and are willing to listen. Since children become more private as they grow older, families should establish a habit of open communication when kids are young. One way to do this is by holding formal family meetings.

These are discussions held regularly or spontaneously to talk about family issues. Meetings offer each member a chance to speak in a respectful atmosphere and allow parents and children to be together without distractions.

At a meeting, families can make mutual decisions or take votes on specific questions—where to go for dinner, what to do on vacation, how to spend a weekend. They can decide on new household rules or the division of chores.

Family meetings can be used to discuss problems. Parents and children frequently argue about watching TV and playing video games, how allowance is spent, when homework should be done, how family members treat each other, and how much help each member contributes. Instead of yelling, “Turn off that show and do something useful!” parents can say, “Let’s have a family meeting tonight to talk about TV.” They’ll have a chance to cool down, discuss the problem, and come up with solutions or compromises.

Sometimes kids have complaints about parents: “You work too much.” “You never play games with me.” A child should feel free to air such issues at a family meeting, with the understanding that her parents will listen, offer their opinions, and consider appropriate changes.

Sometimes families meet just to talk about interesting events and affirm their love for each other. They may take turns discussing recent activities or talk about such specific topics as friendship or school. Although family members certainly talk outside of meetings, they often do so only while involved in something else: making dinner, getting ready to go out, cleaning up, reading the newspaper, and watching TV. It’s difficult to listen carefully while engaged in another activity. That’s why undivided attention at family meeting time can be so valuable.

If family meetings are to work successfully, parents must establish rules and a tone of respect and equality. Each member must be allowed to speak without fear of being put down, each should listen to the others, and each should accept majority decisions. In a non-threatening atmosphere, children look forward to sharing: “Can we have a family meeting tonight?”

It’s important that family meetings not focus only on discipline or complaints about one child. Discussions about persistent misbehavior should be handled in private. Otherwise, a child will become angry and defensive during meetings (“No, I don’t do that!”) and will eventually resist participating: “I hate these meetings.” She’ll make excuses: “I’m too tired.” “I don’t feel like talking.” If forced to participate, she may frequently interrupt: “Can I go play now?”

If parents must use part of the meeting to talk about misbehavior, they should counter that with a discussion of the child’s accomplishments. And parents should balance what they say if they have several children. Praising one child and not the other will lead to competition and resentment, just as blaming only one will. Kids will participate in family meetings only if they feel they’re being treated equally.

It may take time for your family to get used to coming together formally for meetings. At times you may be frustrated because you can’t accomplish what you’d hoped to: “I wish she’d understand that, even if she doesn’t make a mess, we all have to chip in and clean up.” You may be disappointed if your child doesn’t cooperate during meetings. Rather than give up on family meetings, adjust the format to your family’s needs. Even if you can’t resolve difficulties, you can use meeting time to share happy experiences: “Your soccer team did so well on Saturday.” “I’m glad you showed us your school journal.” Short, positive meetings will increase communication and help create a climate of acceptance in your family.

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All children are exposed to parental arguments. Some parents quarrel frequently and openly without considering their children’s reactions and other parents argue in private. Yet parents can’t hide the fact that they disagree. Kids are aware of yelling and arguments going on even behind closed bedroom doors.

When parents argue in front of their child, they may frighten him: “Are you and Dad still in a fight?” “Are you getting a divorce?” He may go to sleep scared and go to school worried. He also may take sides and yell at the parent he believes is at fault: “Stop telling Dad what to do all the time. Then he won’t be so mad!” “Just leave Mom alone. Don’t keep fighting!”

He may blame himself for his parents’ quarrels: “If only I’d listened to them more, they wouldn’t fight as much.” “Maybe if I were nicer to my sister, Mom and Dad would get along better.” Such wishful, magical ideas are very real and powerful.

While problems arise when parents expose their child to frequent arguing, there are problems when parents try to hide their arguments. They may do this because they believe disagreements will frighten their child or they feel he shouldn’t know about their difficulties. They may hide their quarrels because they had been frightened as children by their parents’ fights. They want to spare their child the uneasiness they once felt.

Pretending that all is peaceful, however, can have negative effects. Their child may not understand that disagreement is a natural part of any close relationship. Instead, he may believe that angry feelings aren’t appropriate and he may not allow his own anger to surface.

Children at times need to hear their parents express and then resolve their differences. If a child grows up witnessing occasional arguments, he learns that anger is inevitable and that adults can handle it. The best thing parents can do is strike a balance, exposing him to some arguments and keeping others private.

If you argue in front of your child, consider his feelings. He will become quite upset if you and your spouse yell and insult each other. Control your accusations and unkind words. If you can’t do this consistently, at least give some thought to the impact your arguments have on him.

He may need reassurance after hearing you fight: “Even though Dad and I argue, we still love each other very much.” If you’re uncomfortable saying this, offer some other words of comfort: “I know it’s hard for you to hear Dad and me fight. We’re trying not to disagree so much. It takes a lot of hard work.” Listen to his questions and let him express his concerns.

Remember that he considers you a model. Every day, you show him how adults and couples behave. If you and your spouse don’t treat each other with respect, if you yell, insult each other, and argue constantly, your child may eventually have trouble with his own intimate relationships.

You may find that he imitates your behavior now. If he’s been exposed to frequent blaming and discord he might treat his siblings in ways you find unacceptable. You may find yourself demanding, “Don’t treat your brother that way. That’s not nice.” “Don’t talk to your sister like that.”

If you and your spouse argue frequently, consider seeking professional counseling. When you are able to get along more harmoniously, your entire family will benefit.

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“Billy got to sleep at his friend’s house and I didn’t.”

“You let Courtney stay up and watch TV. It’s not fair!”

Kids these ages have a heightened awareness of what is or what isn’t fair, but they often make judgments based on how they feel at the moment, not on what makes sense or seems reasonable. A child who got two new shirts last week may yell “unfair” when her sister gets one new one this week.

One child was invited by a friend’s family to a baseball game that wouldn’t end until late in the evening. The child’s mother, knowing her family had to get up early the next morning, declined the invitation. The child was devastated. “You’re unfair! I never get to do anything!” Nothing her parents said made any difference.

Parents face a dilemma in such situations. They want to explain their actions and they want their child to know that life often is unfair. Yet, in emotional moments, kids don’t listen. All they know is what they feel.

Parents also want to please their child. But when she’s very upset about alleged unfairness, nothing will make her happy except getting her way. This is difficult for parents to understand. They may feel hurt and wonder if their child is the only one who acts this way. Actually, such outbursts are so common that parents of early elementary-aged children should simply expect them to happen.

When a child is very angry about unfairness, parents can try to soothe her feelings, offer distractions, or leave her to calm down on her own. In some cases, she may need to spend time alone in her room until she can control herself. Some kids recover quickly while others remain angry and unhappy for an afternoon or evening. Eventually, time heals these temporary wounds.

What parents should avoid doing is lecturing their child when she’s caught up in her feelings of unfairness. At such times, no one, child or adults, wants to hear about the unfairness of the world. It’s especially difficult for a six- to nine-year-old to pay attention to other people’s misfortunes when she’s feeling personally mistreated.

Talk to your child about her feelings at a calm time: “I know you were disappointed about not seeing the movie. Sometimes we have to accept when things don’t go our way.” Gradually introduce the larger issues of unfairness. Tell her about others who are less fortunate than she is, about people who learn to live with difficult problems. You can also talk about your own experiences. When she is angry, she’ll roll her eyes and complain if you say, “When I was your age...” At a calmer time, however, she may enjoy hearing about your early years and may understand that she has much to be thankful for.

If your child is saying, “You’re not fair!” over and over, you should pay close attention. You may find truth in her complaints. Perhaps she does have more chores than her brother; perhaps she doesn’t get to do as much as her sister does; perhaps you’ve been working long hours and are unavailable when she needs you. If you’re willing to look at her situation and make some modifications, she may start feeling better.

Often, small changes make a big difference. If you can’t change your work schedule, you can still plan a special weekend with your children. And you can alter the way you treat them so that one sibling doesn’t always feel short-changed.

Unfortunately, it’s true that life is unfair, and you’ll hear occasional complaints about this from your child. She may be unhappy about incidents at home, school, or with friends. One child worked for a week on his science project, only to lose the class prize to a child who put together a display at the last minute: “It’s not fair. Kira’s wasn’t even good!” Disappointment is inevitable. Encourage her to find worth in doing her best, regardless of the judgment of others. Help her to change unfair situations that can be remedied, and trust that, with your love, support, and positive example, she’ll learn to accept some unfairness that can’t be changed.

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Parents are far too accepting of sibling rivalry; many excuse it: “That’s to just how kids are. All brothers and sisters fight.” Many stop trying to deal with it because they don’t know what to do. They hear the endless bickering, whining, and arguing, and just give up, only interfering when one child gets physically hurt. Yet, parents are not helpless. There are steps they can take to eliminate most of the day-to-day struggles between siblings.

The key is getting involved. Parents shouldn’t ignore their children’s rivalry. When kids sense that a parent won’t step in, they often escalate their battles. One boy, who was rarely reprimanded for the way he treated his sister, continually picked on her as a way of releasing his frustrations. Some people believe that paying attention to sibling rivalry only encourages it because kids argue in order to get attention. However, kids generally put their efforts into seeking positive, rather than negative attention.

The real root of sibling rivalry is a child’s angry belief that he isn’t being treated fairly, that his sibling is enjoying more parental affection or privileges. He directs his anger toward his sibling rather than his parents because he needs his parents for love and care. He doesn’t want to risk losing their approval. It’s much safer to attack a brother or sister.

A child will feel unfairly treated if his parents say, “Your sister is older so she gets to stay up later.” During this sensitive period from six to nine years, a child can easily feel inferior and insecure if his parents say, “You need to practice more than your brother does,” or, “I wish you could handle things as well as Jake.” The child being praised will feel entitled to gloat and may even repeat his parents’ words, “You never do anything right.” The one being put down will recent his sibling.

This presents a dilemma for parents who believe older children should have more privileges. One mother thought her nine-year-old should stay up later than her seven-year-old. This caused great conflicts. The older child teased the younger, and the younger yelled, “You think you’re so great!” and complained constantly, “Why does she get to stay up later and I don’t?” Eventually, the seven-year-old fussed so long at bedtime that he was awake as long as his sister anyway.

If an older child is treated more bigger and better than a younger sibling, the younger will fight for the privileges his sibling enjoys. He’ll feel helpless, unequal, and powerless to change what he sees as an unfair situation, and he’ll take those feelings out on his sibling.

Many parents can remember their own feelings of resentment toward a brother or sister, yet they continue to treat children as they had once hated being treated. A better alternative to granting privileges by age is to treat kids equally, and make allowances for differences in size, maturity, and physical development. While siblings four or more years apart usually go to bed at different times, those closer in age can be sent to bed at the same time. If one needs less sleep, he can read or play in his room before falling asleep. No matter how parents arrange bedtime, they should treat the issue matter-of-factly so their younger child doesn’t feel angry.

It’s not just younger children who feel unfairly treated. Older children often resent being made overly responsible for their younger siblings: “Take him outside with you when you go to play.” “Let Chris stay in your room while I make dinner.” “Walk Josie to her friend’s house.” Older children may also get more than their share of the blame. “You should know better, you’re older.” “It’s your fault. You’re supposed to be the responsible one.” An older child hearing such words feels angry while a younger child feels that his parents will come to his defense. The older child’s anger results in increased sibling rivalry.

Sibling rivalry may escalate or develop if a new baby is born. A former “only child” will face the shock of sharing his parents for the first time. A pair of siblings will find their positions in the family altered by the baby’s arrival. The middle child, in particular, may feel left out.

Parents can ease their older children’s adjustment by giving them extra attention and acknowledging their feelings: “It’s hard getting used to a new baby, isn’t it?”

Whenever you face sibling rivalry in your family, you should talk to your children, clearly stating your expectations. Let them know what the limits are and discuss ways they can control their fighting: “When you think things are unfair, tell your brother.” “Let Joanne know you’re mad without teasing her or hitting.” “If you’re mad enough to push the baby, come tell me and we’ll work it out together.” “Sometimes you have to include your sister when you play.” If you don’t set limits on rivalry, your children will believe you accept their negative behavior.

If you catch them in the middle of an argument make them sit down and discuss the situation with each other or with you. If necessary, act as a mediator and listen to each child’s side, even if that means putting up with, “You played with it longer!” “No, I had it first!” After you’ve listened, ask them to come up with a solution, offer one yourself, or direct them toward another activity.

Sometimes they will have trouble talking about their fights. They know they’re angry but they don’t know why, or they’re uncomfortable sharing their feelings. Suggest possible reasons for your child’s dissatisfaction: “Maybe you think Nicole got a better toy than you did.” “You might be mad because Corey got to watch more TV.”

Let your children know that if they persist in arguing, there will be consequences. You already know what will work best: taking away (or threatening to take away) privileges, sending your child to his room, warning about an earlier bedtime. Make sure the consequences for misbehavior are appropriate and not too harsh, or you will just stir up more resentment. Instead of thinking, “I’ll try harder to be good,” your child may be so angry at his punishment that he’ll think, “I’m really going to get my brother for this one!”

You may have success by offering your children rewards for getting along. Give the rewards often and be prepared to monitor your children closely. While you might see improved behavior, you also might see an increase in tattling or threats: “Ooh, I’m telling on you and you won’t get a treat from Mom.” You might also find that the novelty wears off and the rewards gradually become less effective.

Above all, to eliminate rivalry, treat your children fairly. There may be truth to their complaints. If you tend to reward one child and blame the other, reevaluate your attitudes. When you’re fair and generous with your praise—“Thank you for sharing with your sister.” “I’m glad you let Billy play with you.”—your children will feel better about themselves and be less likely to argue.

Of course, you can never stop all the bickering. “Shut up!” “Stupid!” and “I hate you!” are standard sibling exchanges. They’re upsetting, but they’re the quick, angry expressions of a sibling relationship. Friends rarely relate in the disagreeable terms that brothers and sisters do. If the bickering is brief, infrequent, and quickly resolved, just accept it. But whenever sibling rivalry moves beyond a few words spoken in haste, step in, set limits, and help your children resolve their differences.

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