My Science School

I’m a 17-years-old girl and I’m not able concentrate on my studies or on any other activities. I was a bright student but now my grades have gone down. I have talked to my parents, relatives and everyone else who could help me but there is no way out of this situation. The control I had on my life earlier has gone. I’m really very depressed. Please help me.

It makes me sad to read that, at the age of 17, you feel “really very depressed” and unable to concentrate on your studies. In your letter you do not give any information about your family background, upbringing and relationships; therefore it is not possible for me to help you come out this depression. My advice is that you share your problem with a school counsellor (if available) or a teacher whom you trust and get the help you need.

 

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I am a student of Std IX and I want to share my views about my career with my parents but I do not have enough courage to talk about it to them. I want to become an actor and enter Bollywood but my parents do not know about this and the reason that I can’t tell them about this is that they want me to study well and become something in life. They always acknowledge me in the matter of studies but never think beyond studies. They are also right but how could I tell them about my goal in life?

Achieving a good education and becoming an actor and entering Bollywood are not incompatible. It is not enough for a good actor to have a handsome face and a good baby; he should also be talented and intelligent. As you are a student of Std IX I suggest that you take care of your studies as your parents desire, and make them happy. If God wants, in future, you may have the opportunity to meet someone who will help you to enter the film industry and become an actor. Your good education will always be useful for coming up in life and achieving your goals.

 

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Last year, I don’t know why but my friends started to tease me with this guy even before I had feelings for him. Then something happened. After a couple of months I recognized that I had feelings for him. He was my school senior. I started talking to him on a social networking site and we became really good friends. His pre-boards results came out which weren’t that good and he was upset. I asked him to deactivate his account so that he could concentrate on his studies, and he did it. I was happy. A month later, he activated his account again. We started chatting, but a few days before my birthday he deactivated his account. He didn’t even wish me. The next day he wished me and apologized. I was happy. One day, my friend teased him and asked him whether he loved me but he didn’t deny or accept. In June, his results weren’t good and so he deactivated his account and since then I haven’t seen or chatted with him. I want to confess my love to him but what if he doesn’t love me and breaks our friendship? What should I do?

In just a few months you have quickly jumped from one emotion to another: from “having feelings” for that boy to “talking to him on a social networking site” and becoming “really good friends” to wanting “to confess” your “love to him” and feeling depressed by the idea that he may not love you and may break your friendship. At the age of 14 you are running too fast and confusing the need for friendship, common to all teenagers, with what adults call “love”, which is a deep commitment between a man and a woman to establish a permanent relationship. This kind of commitment is not possible at your age. The consequences have been bad for that boy because “his pre-boards results weren’t good” and a few months later again “his results weren’t good and so he deactivated his account”. You are presently confused and depressed. My advice is that you too should concentrate on your studies and allow him to concentrate on his own, without disturbing him with unnecessary emotional feelings. He seems to want that too, as recently “he deactivated his account” and you “haven’t seen or chatted with him”. Leave him in peace.

 

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I joined a dance class this year. There I met a guy who was 3 years older than me and we became really good friends. He started sharing all his secrets with me and used to tell me everything. I started liking him but after a few weeks I learned that he is my cousin brother and I actually love my cousin brother! I don’t know is it infatuation or love. Whenever he used to tell me that he had a crush on someone I wouldn’t feel bad, in fact, I would feel happy for him. So he maybe it could be a love and bond between two cousins? For the past one week I have been unable to attend dance class and I am really missing him. What kind of love is it?

You and that boy became “really good friends” because he shared “all his secrets with” you, even his “crush on someone”. Friends are people we can spend time with, talk and share secrets and experiences, play with and have fun. Above all, friends are people we can trust, whom we understand and who understand us and help us in case of need. True friendship is a give and take love relationship. The fact that he is your cousin brother should make you continue growing in your friendship rather than thinking of having fallen into an infatuation.

 

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I’m 15 years old. I love a boy who is my batchmate and we know each other for the past two years. But when I confessed my feelings to him he refused and said that he likes one of my friends. I helped him in all this but my friend refused him. After all this he stopped talking to me. He didn’t reply to my messages and started ignoring me. I tried a lot to get everything back to normal but just because of my mistake of confessing everything to him I lost my friend. I still love him but he likes my friend. I don’t know what to do. Please help.

The boy you “love” was interested in you only as a friend, not as a lover. Besides, he likes one of your friends. In spite of you trying “a lot to get everything back to normal” he stopped talking to you and began ignoring you. He is probably upset because your friend whom he likes refused him. Because of this situation he is confused and unwilling to continue the relationship with you. Respect his feelings because you cannot force your feelings on others. Learn to be patient and not to jump into “confessing” your emotions expecting a positive response. Forget about him and concentrate on your studies.

 

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I am in Standard X and due to some of my bad habits I started drinking alcohol for the past 2 months. A few days ago, my mother scolded me when she found out and slapped me. That day I was speechless and I am really feeling very guilty about what I did. My parents are not talking to me. They have banned my every freedom. My mother started crying and that’s why I am so sad. What should I do so that my parents forgive me and we all again start living a happy life?

Drinking alcohol is really a bad habit that can lead to addiction: a compulsion to drink more and more. Alcoholics become a burden to their families and to society, useless and even dangerous. This is why your parents are very upset with you as they came to know that you “started drinking alcohol for the past 2 months”. If some of your friends introduced you to this habit you should not mingle with them anymore. Tell your parents that you are sorry and will never again drink alcohol. If you are “really feeling very guilt” about what you did ask for forgiveness from your parents, promising never to do that again. Concentrate on your studies as you are in standard X. if you parents see you focused on your studies and avoiding bad friends they will forgive and you all will “again start living a happy life”. Anyone can make mistakes in life, but if one repents and changes he can be forgiven.

 

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I have many friends or rather people whom I can call my friends with whom I can chat for hours, have fun and do everything in the world. But that’s it. I cannot share my intimate feelings; whatever is buried deep inside my heart remains there itself. I’ve no one who I think can understand my feelings. I used to have such a friend but now she hangs out with another girl and has completely forgotten the bond we once shared and my other friends get bored when I share my views with them. Sometimes I feel that I shouldn’t think about my sadness and have fun with all my classmates, but whenever I’m alone all these feelings come out as if they were just looking for a chance! I really need someone who can actually help in the way I want, who will understand me, who doesn’t take my problems for granted. I have no one in my family or friend circle who can understand me. Whatever issue I like to talk about is not liked by my friends and vice versa. Is this a common problem faced by every teen of my age? Please help.

I am happy to read that, “I have many friends…with whom I can chat for hours, have fun and do everything in the world”. This is what teenagers should do. Yet, you do not seem to be happy, because you miss someone with whom you can share your feelings, help in the way you want and doesn’t take your problems for granted. You “used to have such a friend but now she hangs out with another girl” and “other friends get bored when I share my views with them”. Besides, “whatever issue I like to talk about is not liked by friends and vice versa”. It is also sad to read that “I have no one in my family…who can understand me”. The problem is that you do not trust them and expect too much from them, as you want to be understood and helped by everyone. Are you ready to do the same with others? Would you get bored with a friend who constantly wants to pour out her “intimate feelings and whatever is buried deep inside” her heart. Friendship is a give and take relationship. At the age of 14 the answer to your problem is what you already know: ‘I feel that I shouldn’t think about my sadness and have fun with all my classmates.”

 

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I love a boy who was once my best friend. After two years of friendship I realized I loved him. I told him about it and he said he loved me, too. One day after three months he suddenly said that he liked some other girl. I am so badly broken because I love him so immensely. I can’t believe that he did this to me because I trusted him so blindly. He said he like me and wanted me as a friend. I can be friends with him but I know it is going to have a bad effect on my studies and I really don’t want to hurt my parents. I’ve stopped talking to him but a mere thought of him hurts me so badly. I just don’t know what I should do to forget him. I don’t have any best friend except him; neither do I feel like talking to anyone else.

You seem to be utterly confused about liking someone, being friendly with someone or “immensely” in love with someone. This is common at the age of 16 when girls and boys get infatuated with each other. This is happening to that boy, who told you that he loved you too and after three months said that he liked some other girl. He also said he liked you and wanted you as a friend. Your emotional attachment to that boy is blinding you and keeping you away from other friends as you do not “feel time for you to open your eyes and heart to many beautiful relationships in your life: first of all with God who loves you and then with your parents, family members, teachers and other youth of your age. Strengthen your bond with them, because keeping yourself aloof will not solve any problems. It takes time to mature intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.

 

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I confessed to my crush that I liked him but he said that he only thinks of me as a friend. He also said that he needs time for all this. When I spoke to my friend about this she told me that he already has a crush on some other girl what should I do?

You should appreciate the frank answer of your crush, who told you that he only thinks of you as a friend and nothing more. Respect his feelings and his freedom to enter into other relationships. At your age you need to grow from crushes (infatuations) into beautiful committed and respectful friendships. This will take some time and more life experience. At the age of 15, the fact that you like someone should not make you rush to unnecessary “confessions” of your emotional feelings and immaturity.

 

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I was in a relationship with a guy for one month. He broke up with me because of some misunderstandings. Then after eight months he proposed to me again. After some time he said, “Our thinking doesn’t match and we should only be friends.” I accepted his friendship. But I still have feelings for him. What should I do?

Your relationship with this boy has been marked since the beginning by “misunderstandings”. Besides, he felt that “our thinking doesn’t match” and that you “should only be friends”. Accept his words and be his good friend. At the age of 14 feelings come and go. You cannot impose your feelings on others.

 

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I was in relationship with a guy for 4 years. It was not a continuous relationship; we had break-ups and then again patch-ups for almost 4 years. Now we are no longer together. Still he’s on my mind. I don’t know how to forget him forever. I need some suggestions from you.

At the age of 12 you entered into a relationship with a guy and carried it on for four years with frequent “break-ups and then again patch-ups”. Finally, you both decided to put an end to this painful situation by being “no longer together.” You have done the right thing, because at your age there more important things teenagers should do than running after emotional feelings. In order to forget him you should now focus on your education, family relationships and duties.

 

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I am 20-year-old-girl and love a boy who is one year elder to me. We are from the same college but different sections. But when I approached him he said that he likes me a lot but doesn’t love me and that he is into his music and won’t be able to give me time if he dated me. He said, “It’s not that you don’t look good or anything, it’s only that I don’t deserve a girl like you, you really look pretty and you deserve a better guy than me.” What should I do? I truly love him and want to marry him but he is not ready to think that he is the best guy for me. Please help me.

The boy whom you “love” and “want to marry” has been very honest and frank with you by telling that he likes you but doesn’t love you. This means that he just wants to be a good friend to you and nothing more. Besides he is busy with his music and would be unable to give you time if he dates you. He went to the extent of telling that “you deserve a better guy than me”. The best thing you can do is to respect his feelings because you cannot force your feelings on others. If you insist on proposing your love to him he may get upset and stop dealing with you even as a friend. Concentrate on your studies and family; he will notice that you respect his feelings and are a responsible person. This is enough for the time being. The future is in the hands of God.

 

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I’m 18 years old and still my dad doesn’t allow me to do anything. He always tries to control my life which I hate the most. He tells me not to wear T-shirts and jeans, not to roam with friends, not to talk to boys, etc. Even though I’m a college-going girl i have to give him a missed call when I reach or leave college. I had no problem doing this when I was younger, but now I feel ashamed. He doesn’t trust me at all. He blames me for every reason. I just hate him like anything. We have a fight every two days. I’m fed up of my life. Please help me.

It is painful to read that you have a serious problem in the relationship with your father: “He always tries to control my life” and “He doesn’t trust me at all” and “He blame me for every reason”. Your father seems afraid that you may get into some trouble or danger and wants to know everything about your day-today activities. You cannot handle this situation alone as you have reached the point of hating him and being fed up with your life. In your letter you do not mention your mother; if she is in the family you should share this with her and get some help. If she is not in the family you should confide your problem to a close relative or family friend who could take up this matter with your father and help you.

 

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My girlfriend and I were in a relationship for the past one year. She was a new student and was from another town. When I proposed to her she accepted. We loved each other a lot; in fact we stayed quite close to each other. But then she went back to her town due to some family issues. I had her phone number and I often used to call her. She also used to call me, but now for the past few months she has stopped calling. When I tried to find out the reason she said nothing. My friends are saying that she’s forgotten me. I’m really shocked and don’t know what to do. I love her a lot and I can’t forget her.

At the age of 14 you started a “relationship” with a girl from another town. Things went well for one year till she had to go back to her town. Now one year has passed and she doesn’t show interest in continuing this relationship (for the last few months she has stopped calling you and gave no reasons for it). Now you are 15 and shocked because you “love her a lot and can’t forget her”. At your very young age relationships need a lot of personal contact and frequent talking and sharing. Attractions and emotional feelings predominate. Now she is far away from you and probably got involved in other relationships which keep her busy. There is nothing you can do about it; your friends may be right in saying that she has forgotten you. Faithful and lifelong relationships leading to marriage develop at a more mature age, when two persons build a bond of true love, not just infatuation or friendship. Concentrate on your studies and on your good friends in town.

 

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I am a class X student. I have fallen in love with a girl in my class. I did everything to get her. She says she thinks of me as her best friend. The problem is she loves a guy from another school. I have made her my priority, but i am her second option. What should I do? I want to be with her every time, everywhere. I want her to fall in love with me. Please help me out.

You are deeply infatuated with that girl and are emotionally upset. You have made her your “priority” and do not accept the fact that she loves a guy from another school and she thinks of you only “as her best friend”. True love cannot be forced on anyone; it is built on the freedom of two persons to enter into such relationships. Learn to respect her feelings and stop pretending that she should “fall in love” with you. Be a good friend to her and give her time to make up her mind about who should be her partner in life. In future, if you are good to her she may appreciate you and decide to choose you.

 

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