My Science School

I am a 14-year-old girl studying in Std IX. I have an elder brother and sister. My mother is very partial; she always scolds me for my mistakes but says nothing if my sister makes similar mistakes. My brother beats me but my mother never intervenes. I suffer a lot due to this. My father is very busy with his business and I cannot bear to see him worried, so I never tell him about it. What I should do?

Do speak to your mother, and share your feelings with her. Seek her help to see what can be done to change things and ask her what she expects of you. Before that, reflect on what are the 'mistakes' she scolds you for. If you view 'mistakes' as 'events to learn from, you can change the way you do things. This will not only make your mother happy, but also contribute to your personality and future success.

Make friends with your parents, even if you have some fights. Find out what your mother likes and enjoys... and see if you can do common things together. Offer to help her at home. Often when parents worry, they forget to have fun, so, with your siblings, try and create a family fun hour once a week..

As for your brother, make sure whether he is being playful or angry. The next time he comes to hit you, in firm voice say, 'Stop. I don't appreciate you hitting me.' Ask him to move back and keep a safe distance, or you step back/walk off. Repeat this till he gets the message. If he is being angry or violent, it is important to ask your parents to intervene.

 

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Since childhood, my parents have instilled in me the value of punctuality. I have always been ahead of time for lectures, games, etc. My problem is that I am unable to relax and am always tense. My performance in studies is average because of this constant tension.

Punctuality depends on the kind of event you need to be on time for. So, list the events where you need to be on time, e.g., appointments, or those that require your on-time presence, e.g., exams, lectures, team activities, etc. Then, list events where it doesn't matter if you're not exactly on time, (parties, shopping, etc.). Purposely be a bit late for one of these. Later, ask yourself: Did being late for these really matter? Why does “not being punctual" makes me uncomfortable? What is the worst that can happen if I'm late?

For the first list, outsource the alarm from your head to a mobile/clock. E.g., if you have to go for a party at 5:30 p.m. calculate backwards and set a reminder for each of the different tasks you need to do the time you need to leave, when you need to start dressing. For 15 minutes before dressing, practise relaxation (e.g., music, light exercise, etc.) to help you get used to this method. After some days when you begin to relax, you can focus on other things without worrying about being on time because you have your reminder set. Learn yoga to help you learn to relax. If you feel too anxious, seek face-to-face support from a counselor.

 

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I was good friends with a girl, and used to share all my secrets with her. At first she was very close to me, but then she found new friends and started avoiding me. I tried my best not to lose her, but finally we stopped being friends. She is going to join the same hostel where I stay. How should I behave with her?

Sounds like you are feeling awkward about having to meet this ex-friend daily in your hostel and don't know how to behave.

The simple answer is 'normally’ - just as you would with any other person... Ask yourself, ‘What makes me uncertain about how to behave?’ Is it because you have shared your secrets with her? Are you worried that she may try to make friends with you again?

If you want her as a friend again, it's fine... but if you are sure that you don't want that, treat her like any other acquaintance/hostel mate and be polite and cordial, limiting your interaction to hi/ hello and general conversation. Focus on yourself and your needs, your studies, new friends, and your future. If she approaches you for friendship, be firm and say that you prefer to let the past be the past, and that you wish her well.

 

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I get depressed easily and feel sad most of the time. I delve into the past a lot with regrets like, 'I should have done this' or I shouldn't have messed up like that', etc. I also smile nostalgically, thinking of the fun times I've had. I dream almost 40% of the time. I don't have a good relationship with my mom. She imposes her decisions on me, and when I refuse, she emotionally blackmails me. Dad is also disturbed since some time. I'm addicted to my laptop. My day revolves around it - be it for online classes or as a pastime. I don't know whom to confide in. I have two trustworthy childhood friends and a new friend too, but I don't know how to tell them. I write a diary and it feels good; but only for some time because it can't reply like a person would. I will soon enter class 12, but due to these issues, I can't focus on my studies. What should I do?

The past is history, the future a mystery; this moment is a gift and that's why it is called the "present'. We often escape into the past or dream about the future when we do not see our present as a gift. And we choose to be unhappy and depressed.

To see our present as a gift, we need to see the gifts in our present. So, begin with gratitude for what you have. Your parents, a home, food, health, and three good friends is a great place to start! Each day find 5 new things to be grateful for!

Looks like you don't have enough to engage you each day, apart from studies. For this: 1) Help others: Help your mother at home, teach/ help a young kid with school work... 2) Learn something new: Learn a language, craft, dancing, etc. 3) Discover your talents: Use your talents to help others or to express your creativity. 4) Focus on your career: What career do you plan to take up? Does it excite you? What are you doing to make it happen? 5) Make friends with your family members: Get to know your parents as people. What do they enjoy? What do you enjoy together? 6) Exercise: Ensure your daily routine includes 30 to 45 minutes of exercise; it is a thought and mood booster and ensures good sleep. Take charge of your life. Choose happiness.

 

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