My Science School

When I was in school I never had any problems with my studies and was always successful. But after joining the college, things have changed. I get angry easily and dislike talking with my parents. I can’t concentrate on my studies, either.

Looks like life has changed one-eighty degrees between school and college. You’re feeling quite out of control, and anger and irritability are often the ways we use in order to cope with this. Teenage is the time of turbulence: with hormonal and physical changes, it is the time to find your own identity as a person. Parental instructions seem like nagging, and we feel misunderstood by them. When angry it is difficult to focus on your studies because your emotions are high, and your attention is elsewhere.

To manage your emotions, use the Aware-Acknowledge-Allow technique.

Awareness: Ask yourself ‘What am I feeling now?’Hurt? Frustrated? ‘What is happening in my body?’ Do I have a tight jaw? A headache? Any other sensation? Simply observe this.

Acknowledge and accept the emotion by labeling it. State: I feel angry/frustrated. It is okay to feel what you feel, but it is not always okay to act on it. For example, it is okay to feel angry, but not okay to act violently.

Allow the feeling to flow. You can express it (by crying, growling, breathing, etc.) or channel it creatively (Expression | Exercise | Sport | Music | Dance | Art | Journaling, Breathing) in any way that makes you feel good, as long as it doesn’t harm you or others.

In addition, focus on the career you wish to pursue, and accordingly set a routine for your studies. Pursue one serious hobby. Reach out to your parents as people rather than just parents – get to know them, find out what you have in common. Offer to help your mother in household works. Help them with something they need to learn. You will slowly find your relationship changing. Go ahead… you can do it!

 

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I am a boy studying in Std IX. My friends call me a girl. This hurts me a lot. I’m weak, too, so I cannot fight with them. Because of this, my studies have been affected. Please help.

It must be quite embarrassing for you to be teased and called a girl. However, it is worse if you think of and label yourself as weak. Fighting is not the solution, developing your personality and standing up to your friends is!

Teenage is a time of transition. Your friends may have developed more quickly than you, but it doesn’t mean you won’t. In another year or so you too will begin to develop a manly physique and traits owing to hormonal changes. So, help the process along: Exercise regularly, play a sport, and eat nutritious food. It will help build muscles and tone up your body. Moreover, develop your personality by making friends with new people, exchanging ideas and learning from them. Find your talents by trying new things, joining a class or two. Watch informative programmes, build your general knowledge. Learn problem-solving skills… and help other people.

Stand up to your friends and firmly tell them that enough; you do not appreciate them teasing you and that you will grow and develop in your own time. True friends are supportive.

Most importantly, accept yourself for who you are and start seeing your own worth. Begin today!

 

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I am a 16-year-old-boy. I love a girl who is three years older than me. I’ve had feelings for her right from the beginning. I proposed to her but she did not give me an answer. After some days she said ‘yes’. But, my friends are discouraging me saying she is older than me, and telling me to leave her. All the same, I love her.

You feel attracted to an older girl but are being discouraged by your friends from pursuing the relationships. Your friend do mean well for you (it is a bonus if our friends are on our side, and they also like the person we are interested in) so do acknowledge their concern and thank them for it.

In a relationship, what is more important than age is the quality of the bond you share, and this bond takes time and effort to develop. More important than ‘proposing’ to her is getting to know each other as friends. Declaring love for someone before you even know him/her as a person is like putting the cart before the horse… it is liking a ‘dream image’ of that person and not the person. So, slow down and get to know her first. Later, introduce her to your friends and include her in your group if everyone is comfortable. Once you have gotten to know each other, you take the relationship forward suitably. Where’s the hurry?

 

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I am 15 and my boyfriend is 17. We are in a very healthy relationship. But sometimes I feel as if I’m hiding something from my parents. If I tell them about my boyfriend, they will never allow me to continue this relationship. I am seriously disturbed.

While you have a good relationship with your boyfriend, you’re feeling quite guilty about doing things behind your parents’ back, knowing they will not approve, and this makes you quite stressed. At this point, it is but natural that your parents will not approve of a relationship.

You will know best whether your parents are too orthodox to approve of any relationship in future, or whether they will come around to accepting it once you’re older, and if they know the person you’re in a relationship with. It will help to bring friends of both gender home – including your boyfriend – and let your parents meet them and get to know them and him personally. At the right time, you can introduce the idea of a special friend. Take time to do this and focus on keeping it light for the moment. In any case, the best relationships are first friendships, and they are neither rushed, nor are they a secret.

 

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