My Science School

I love a boy in my class and he also loves me. We are in a relationship since the past two years. Everything was good for some time, but since the past one year he has changed a lot. I feel ignored sometimes. He always makes excuses for everything. I am so addicted to him that I want to spend most of my time with him, but he is always busy doing some work. I feel ignored and depressed.

It seems your boyfriend’s lack of attention to you, and his excuses make you feel hurt and rejected. If you’re so addicted to him that you want to spend most of your time with him’, then it looks like you need him more than he needs you. If you are being so clingy, it can make your partner feel suffocated.

From what you say, he seems to be avoiding you. Perhaps something is bothering him or has put him off; or his priorities have changed; or he is no longer interested in you. Either way, it seems that he isn’t telling you what is bothering him, so it is best to ask him directly. Say that you have observed that he avoids spending time with you, making some excuse or other. Be encouraging and open to listening even if what he says is not what you want to hear. If he is still interested, discuss what changes you both need to make in order to make your relationship better.

For a healthy relationship, you both need to be yourself and feel good about yourself that you are not dependant on or ‘addicted’ to your partner. Develop your personality and interests; have your own friends as well as common friends’ have your own interests even as you share some interests will each other. Focus on becoming a well-rounder personality. This will help to change the quality of your relationships.

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I have a best friend. She tells me all her secrets and even I do as she is very trustworthy. But if I tell her that she should nods and spoils it instead. When I talk to some other friends of mine, she feels jealous; she wants me to be with her always. I love one Chinese actor but she discourages me. She doesn’t complete her assignments and doesn’t come to school on important exam days. All this is happening since the past two days. Even our teachers, family and friends tell me that she takes things for granted. Is she my true friend or not?

Looks like you both are pointing fingers at each other, trying to boss each other and change each other; and this is making both of you resentful.

Each person is different – in thoughts, feelings and actions. Each person makes his/her own choices and is responsible for the consequences of these choices. Each one has to learn to decide what is good for him/her and what is not. Asking someone to change and do things – perhaps the way you think is right – can make him/her feel that you don’t accept him/her for who he/she is, and this can spoil the relationship. Also, telling someone to change will not make the other person take steps to change unless he/she wants to choose.

While you do care for your friend, you can only express your concern to her and perhaps make suggestions. It is up to her whether she wants to take your suggestions or not, and you have to respect that. Focus on enjoying your life, while keeping your friendships, too. I’m sure there are still things you both can enjoy together without getting in each other’s hair!

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I’m insecure about my best friend’s friendship with me. She is my best friend, but she has hostel and college friends, too, who are very close to her; they share everything with each other. She also shares with me all things but she doesn’t talk to me the way she talks to them. We’ve been friends since Std XII.

Looks like you’re feeling insecure that your best friend appears to be closer to her hostel and college friends than to you, and this is making you jealous.

Each relationship is unique. Instead of comparing the relationship your friend shares with you, with the one she shares with her college/hostel mates, focus on the quantity of your friendship with each other.

Accept that her college and hostel friends are dear to her and their bond is also because they live together, so are you dear to her, only in a different way. Even though your friend has “moved” away, she has kept in touch with you. Her friends might be even admiring the long standing bond between the two of you!

Focus on deepening your bond with her: What do you love the most about her and the bond you share? What moments together have brought you joy? What would you like to do more with her? What would you like to change that will make your friendship more satisfying for both of you? Also focus on deepening other friendships. Relationships enrich our lives, and as we grow older, we usually let go of the idea of a ‘best friend’ and build more than one close relationship.

If you look at your friendship glass as half full, you won’t enjoy the refreshing flavor of the friendship drink that is actually present in your glass, and you will be ever thirsty. Instead, say “cheers” to a long-standing friendship!

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