My Science School

My relationship with my parents is in trouble ... due to my choice for higher studies. I want to join a particular course of my choice, but my parents feel I shouldn't just because their plans for my future are different. I have always done what my parents have wanted me to do. But now, going against their wishes in favour of mine is making me feel guilty about disobeying my parents. How should I handle this situation?

Hey dear, you are feeling guilty that you are 'disobeying' your parents to join a course of your choice because till now you have always obeyed them.

Like all parents, they may be thinking about economic aspects, social acceptance, where you study and work (location), and safety instead of your interests and your talent/skills. However, you are going to study and work in a particular field, so it is also important to enjoy what you do.

There are two things to do: One is to convince them - in a firm yet caring manner that this course is really what you want to do, and how it is right for you. Second is to address their fears, if any. You could seek professional advice from a career counsellor if you wish. Do your homework about what they might want to know, e.g., detailed information about the course, career prospects, income, your interests, your talents and so on. Request that they give you a fair hearing and share your thoughts; ask for their views and suggestions and answer their questions. Assure them that you will see the course through and take responsibility for yourself.

If you are firm about what you want to do and address any fears they may have, it is more likely that your parents will understand and respect your choice. Good luck!

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I am easily affected by people's feelings about me. If someone says something negative about me or puts me down, I start worrying a lot about it, and as a result, I get headaches and I am unable to concentrate on anything. I feel it so much that I cannot sleep at night as I keep thinking about what happened. How can I overcome this problem?

Hi dear, you are sensitive to others' feelings about you. This makes you overthink what happened, which affects your emotional and physical health, and your sleep.

When someone criticises you, first calm yourself. Breathe and count backwards from ten to one. Or notice any five objects of different colours in the room. When you are calmer, question these negative remarks. Are any of them true? What is the evidence that they are true? What is the evidence that they are not true? If they are true, you can use them as feedback to improve. If they are not, then you know the other person is probably expressing their opinion or their frustration.

Reflect on what affects you when someone says something negative or puts you down. We usually feel affected because we want to be seen as 'nice' by everyone and often don't respect ourselves enough. So, instead of thinking 'I am not good enough', say 'I am learning and growing'. Know your own strengths and weaknesses and accept, love and respect yourself as you are. Befriend people who respect you and learn to say 'no' to those don't. Participate in youth activities that help develop your personality and your leadership skills.

When you feel more confident, firmly let people who pass negative remarks know that you find their statements too negative; and it is best that they only give you feedback you can work on. Show them that you are fine with yourself the way you are. Stand up for yourself!

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My problem is that whenever any female friend of mine says something nice to me I feel very shy and embarrassed. I love sports and am happy to indulge in social activities. But when it comes to girls praising or complimenting me, it's an embarrassing situation for me. Am I abnormal?

Hey dear, your shyness and self-consciousness cause you to be embarrassed when your female friends compliment you, and this is not abnormal at all. It is perfectly normal to feel shy with those of the opposite gender in your teens.

If you are uncomfortable and embarrassed when the spotlight is on you, is it that you think you don't deserve the attention and the compliments? Or are you afraid that someday they will change their minds about you and think that you're not good enough?

Start by receiving a compliment with grace. Practise saying, "Thank you' and smiling in front of a mirror and then simply say 'Thank you' and smile when they pay you a compliment next. Learn how to pay a sincere compliment to them too. It will take the attention off you and yet make you appreciated.

Girls are human beings too, so learn the art of conversation. Think of an interesting topic and bring it up. Ask for their views. This will take the spotlight off yourself and distribute the attention among many others. Plus, you will find common interests.

Most importantly, your shyness can be a strength it shows that instead of being brash or rude you are a caring and gentle person. And who doesn't like a tough guy who can be gentle too!

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