My Science School

My problem is that I feel very nervous in everything I do. When guests come to my house I hide as I am not able to talk face to face; nor can I speak in public. Although my classmates like to talk with me, I have no courage to speak to them, especially with girls. I am very confused and upset. How can I overcome this situation?

Sounds like you are very nervous and anxious, especially in social situations. It must be quite distressing for you to feel this way each time you have to interact with others.

Your beliefs influence your thoughts, then your feelings, and hen your behaviour. So, tackle the beliefs that bring you down. Do you believe you are not good enough? You’re boring? Challenge this belief. Ask, ‘Am I really boring? Is there any proof for this?’

A smile is a good way to connect with people. Try it first with people who won’t make fun of you. When you feel a bit confident, start greeting them with a ‘Hello, how are you?’ Then start sitting with friends or family in a group and be a part of it by simply listening to what others have to say and by nodding to acknowledge. Participating in a conversation is not always about speaking. When you feel courageous, add a small point.

Support yourself by practicing breathing and relaxation exercises, and make sure you exercise every day.

If these don’t work and you still feel anxious, please do approach your school counsellor for real-time help.

 

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I am in class 11 and I have had a boyfriend since class 7. We both really love each other. We live in different cities now because of our studies. Due to this we spend a lot of time thinking about each other and we are not able to concentrate on our studies. We are both very good in studies but now we are getting fewer marks in our academics. Because of this we tried to break our relationship but it is very difficult for us. What should we do so that we can concentrate on our studies without ending our relationship?

Both you and your boyfriend seem to be quite discouraged about being separated from each other. From your letter, I assume that you are in touch with each other quite regularly.

Ask yourself: what is the most important thing at this moment? Is it studies? Or is it relationship? If you both do badly at academics, what will happen to your possible future together?

So, take an up-side-down view and turn a disadvantage into strength! Champion each other on instead of mooning away! Both of you can set weekly goals for your studies; then, share the goals with each other and have an agreement to focus on studies. At the end of the week, check with each other to find out whether you have achieved your study goal. If you haven’t, share ideas about how to study better and how to overcome difficulties. If you have, then you can celebrate and continue to work this way.

Love is about friendship, which is also about supporting each other to succeed. Give each other a virtual high five!

 

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I am currently in a relationship with a boy. I’m confused because I found our relationship more special when we were friends than now. I think of breaking up with him but he really likes me and I do not want to hurt his feelings. Please help.

Your certainly do care for this boy, but perhaps your heart has spoken the truth to you? All friendships do not necessarily change into romantic relationships.

Reflect on what was ‘special’ in the friendship before the relationship. This will help you to be clear about how you want your friendship to be. Then pluck up courage; speak to him frankly and tell him you’d rather be his good friend than his girlfriend.

He may be upset, or he may even stop talking to you. But, you will have done what is right. And, ultimately, if he is mature enough, he will appreciate your honesty.

 

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I have a boyfriend. My problem is that I cannot tell this to my parents because they don’t allow me to talk to boys. What should I do – tell my parents about him or not?

You are surely in a tough spot. You have spoken to this boy even though you to… and have gone a step further and made him your boyfriend. Now, when you tell your parents, what do you think their response will be? And if you don’t tell them and they find out, do you think they would trust you at all after that?

Growing up involves becoming responsible, and communicating in a mature manner. Before taking such a big step, it would have been nice to understand why your parents have put a restriction on your talking to boys. Is it to protect you? Is it to enable you to focus on studies? It would be great if you first build a relationship of mutual understanding and trust with your parents before you seek an outside relationship.

In our culture, it is with good reason that we focus on different goals for different stages of life. This is your age of being a student, enjoying friendships and having fun crushes. So, how about keeping this ‘boy’ a ‘friend’ till you’re older and can naturally and comfortably introduce whoever will be ‘the special person in your life’ to your parents?

 

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The study of Astrophysics requires a strong background in Physics and Maths. After 10+2, go for B.Sc. with PCM (Physics, Chemistry and Maths) or B.Tech. After completing these courses go for postgraduation and later Ph.D.

There are some specialized institutes for such research work. Some of these are: Indian Institute of Astrophysics (IIA); Bangalore; Institute of Physics (IOP), Bhubhaneswar; Inter-University Centre for Astronomy & Astrophysics (IUCAA), Pune; Tata Institute of Fundamental Research, Bangalore; Indian Institute of Science, Bangalore; National Centre for Radio astrophysics, Pune.

 

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Literature is a vast and engaging field. But the career path after college is somewhat undefined, largely because there’s so much you can do with a degree in literature.

Many of the skills, obtained through the study of English, are highly prized in every job or profession. These are: being able to write well; to convey meaning precisely; to argue and debate; to read pages of prose and pick out the essential points; to persuade others of your point of view; to think and act creatively.

Media can be a good fit for an English literature graduate, as they offer a good way to apply your knowledge of the written language. These skills will also serve you well in advertising and marketing. Teaching in another option; from primary education right up to college, the English subject is considered important at all stages.

Publishing is an area that is coming up fast, and those with a literary bent of mind should definitely consider it. You’ll probably start off as a proof-reader, but who knows, you may be editing a best-selling novel in the years to come!

Creative writing and even technical writing is yet another option. A career in technical writing does not require a scientific or engineering background, but it does require an excellent command of the English language and the ability to write logically, clearly and accurately.

Translation is yet another area, especially if you’re familiar with another language besides English. Due to their improved skills, even advertising and PR agencies find literature graduates suitable for their work.

 

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Tour managers are responsible for accompanying tours from beginning to end. They play an integral part in ensuring their clients’ tour experience meets their expectation. A professional course in tour management will help you understand the nuances of the job. Many institutes offer short-term courses in tour management. Preference is given to applicants who are well-travelled. The knowledge of a foreign language also helps in securing admission. Usually, tour guides get most of their training on the job, as most travel agencies train their tour operators at least for two months before sending them on solo trips. The finer tricks of the trade are learnt by assisting senior tour mangers, observing them while they manoeuvre and make the trip exciting for travellers. Eligibility for these courses is graduation. Since you are in class VII, at present, just focus on your current studies and do well.

 

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The first step is to take Mathematics and Physics in 10+2. There are not many universities in India which offer an undergraduate programme in Astronomy, so you should go for B.Sc. (Hons.) in Physics. Then go for M.Sc. followed by Ph.D.; this will enable you to become an astronomer. If you are keen on joining ISRO, then one of the modes is through Indian Institute of Space Science and Technology (IIST), Trivandrum. IIST offers 4-year B.Tech. programmes and 5-year dual degree programmes and admission is on the basis of your score in the JEE Advance examination. After completion of the programme, students, on the basis of merit, are absorbed by ISRO.

 

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In order to become an IAS Officer, you must apply for the civil services examination conducted by the UPSC. It consists of three stages: preliminary, mains and interview. The basic eligibility is graduation in any field. This examination is one of the toughest and requires thorough preparation. Clear your basics first; NCRT books will help you. Start reading The Hindu or Indian Express every day. Don’t just focus on trivial facts or details. Go through the editorials and try looking at the issues with an unbiased mindset. Also subscribe to magazines like Yojana, Kurukshetra, India Today, Frontline, Competition and Success Review, etc., for deep insights. Work on your vocabulary and improve your communication skills. Though real preparation starts while doing graduation, these suggestions will help you to improve your general knowledge.

 

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I am 14 years old. My mother allowed me to join Facebook, but once she opened my profile and saw that many of my friends were boys. She scolded me for making boys my friends but I know all of them. Now she doesn’t let me use the internet and Facebook. She thinks that I will grow up and have many boyfriends but seriously they’re just my friends. How can I get my mother to trust me?

You’re quite upset that your mother doesn’t approve of you being friends with boys on Facebook; nor does she trust how you will behave with them despite trying to reassure her that they are just friends.

It is good if all the people who are your ‘Friends’ on Facebook, are people you personally know and you are following cyber safety rules. What could make your mother comfortable is that perhaps she doesn’t know all of them. She probably didn’t even realise that them may be girls on your friends list as well.

A great way to build trust with your parents is to first reassure them that you have friends of both genders. Then, talk to them about your friends – both girls and boys. Share some snippets of their personalities, your common interests, their family background, and so on. As a teenager, you may want to keep your conversations with your friends private, but that shouldn’t stop you from sharing information about your friends with your parents. When you are open and relaxed with your parents, trust grows between you.

 

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My favourite teachers are now retired. I am very much connected to them. I was completely upset since the moment I heard that they were leaving the school. Whenever I open the books of their subjects, my eyes will fill with tears. I am very depressed because of this. I neither pay attention to what my new teacher is teaching nor do I talk to anyone. I don’t know how to bring them back. I am nothing without them. This year I have to appear for my boards and I am completely ignoring my studies. I’ve talked to my principal about this, but she said that there’s no possibility. I still feel that there are some chances of bringing them back but I don’t know how to do this. I just want my teachers back as nobody else can take their place in my life. What should I do?

You feel so much love for your teachers and miss them so much! They are quite lucky that you care for them and have such a high regard for them. So, please don’t do your favourite teachers a disservice by mourning that they are not there. Instead think of what they would have wanted you to be – even without their presence!

Your teachers would certainly have liked you to study well and excel. Think of it – if you set a goal to get great results, work hard and achieve it, and then go meet your teachers with that result – they will be so proud of you!

Cherish what these wonderful teachers have taught you and the foundation that they have given you. You have to part with your teachers sometime but what you carry with you throughout your life is their love and the values they have instilled in you…no one take that away ever!

 

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I am in class 10. Last year, I proposed to a girl. She accepted my proposal but after six months, she broke up with me. I was heartbroken and depressed for a month after that. But I still have feelings for her. Now she is talking with me and her friends told me that she wants to propose to me. What should I do? Accept or reject her?

It must have been quite a difficult time for you when the girl that you liked broke up with you. You say that you still have feelings for her, but you are a bit confused about whether to accept or reject her, sounds like you feel happy that she wants to propose to you but you are also worried that if she has changed her mind once and broken up with you, she may do so again.

Sometimes, when one is confused, a good thing to do is to take it easy and focus on something else. Right now you’re in Class 10 and throwing yourself into board exam work will give you a sense of purpose. You could continue to be friends with this girl, and it will be clear as to whether she is serious about you, or is going to change her mind all over again.

 

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I was good in studies but nowadays I find that I am not able to concentrate on them. There is a rumour in school that I have multiple crushes on senior girls. Though I know it is not true I just can’t go about it. How will I prove to people that I do not have crushes on my seniors?

You must be feeling quite embarrassed that such rumours are being spread about you. There is usually no smoke without a fire. So, first it would be good to do a little self reflection – do you idolize or hero-worship any of the seniors, or copy anyone’s style, or try to hang out with any of them, hear their talks and so on? If you do, others no doubt see it and can tease you mercilessly. Take a few moments to become aware of how you behave and feel. Hero-worship is a part of growing up and it will go away once you discover your own personality.

If you don’t show any signs of hero-worship and you know that you have no ‘crushes’ on anyone, then the rumours should neither bother you, nor is there any need to ‘prove’ anything to anyone. Find a good, supportive friend, preferably away from your school, with whom you can spend some leisure time and some study time. Take part in activities that help your own personality to shine. Go about your day with confidence, and the rumours will die down soon enough.

 

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There’s a guy in my school whom I like but I don’t know whether he likes me or not. I told my friend about this and she told me to tell him about my feelings – if he says ‘yes’ it’s good and if he says ‘no’ the doubt will be cleared. What do you think I should do?

You have some pretty strong feelings for this guy in your school and you’re dying to find out whether he likes you in return. But it is not just a simple matter of going up to him and telling him that you like him and asking him whether he likes you. What would you want to have happen after that?

Expressing your liking can only help you to know whether he is interested in knowing you, because liking someone you don’t yet know, and have never interacted with, is not the same as being in love. For love to grow, you need to get to know each other over a longer period of time. Also, telling someone about your feelings requires you to be vulnerable and trust that person with your feelings; this kind of trust only comes when there is a true friendship.

It makes more sense to get introduced as friends and to grow your friendship. Time will tell you whether your feelings are short-lived ones or the long-lasting kind; and also whether he truly returns your feelings.

 

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I am a girl of Std IX. I am not talking to my best friend since last year. Sometimes she tried to talk to me but I ignored her and now she is taking revenge. When I try to talk to her, she ignores me. I want to clear this matter but she is not ready. What should I do?

I can see that you want to clear the air with your friend, and it is a good step you want to take. While I’m not sure what made you both stop talking to each other in the first place, it is quite clear that both of you have taken turns at ignoring each other, so it is tit-for-tat.

If you are feeling hurt and angry right now, it is quite certain that she felt hurt, puzzled and angry when you didn’t respond to her last year, and is still feeling the same way. You both need to deal with your own hurt and to forgive.

Unfortunately, things don’t always work on demand – when you want them to. When one person is ready, the other may not be ready, and that is okay. If she doesn’t wish to speak to you, it is better to respect her wishes and to wait until she is ready to communicate. If after a certain period of time – say 3 to 6 months – if she isn’t ready, you will need to accept her decision and move on.

 

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