My Science School

I became friends on Facebook with a boy who is 17. At first, I told him for fun that I was 16 and thought that I would tell him the truth later. But as the days passes he became a very good friend and it became more and more difficult to tell him. Without me realizing it, I feel in love with him. One day he confessed that he loved me and I was so happy that I forgot everything and accepted his confession without thinking anything, now I feel very guilty. I have decided that after passing my tenth standard I will meet him and tell him everything then. I always feel that I must tell him the truth but I fear that he will hate me after knowing the truth. But then too I have a very uneasy feeling and feel that I must tell him everything as soon as possible. I am really confused. I love him a lot and don’t want him to hate me. I think I have just two options – and that is to tell him everything now or when we meet.

You have started a relationship through Facebook with a boy who says he is 17. You told him for “fun” that you were 16 (2 years older than your real age). In a matter of a few days he became for you “a very good friend” and later you “fell in love with him”. Subsequently he confessed that he loved you too, believing that you were close to his age. Now you “feel very guilty” for having told a lie and not having the courage to correct the mistake as soon as possible. Do not wait to tell the truth; you cannot build a relationship on lies. Let him know your age and decide if he wants to continue corresponding with you. He too may end up confessing that he is not 17 but just 15! That would be real fun for both if you! Relationships built on personal knowledge of each other are better than those built by correspondence which can lead to lies or misunderstandings. If you cannot be good friend with someone who is of your age and close to you, how can you do that with someone whom you do not know at all? There are dangers in social networking.

 

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I get infatuated towards smart boys very easily but I have never told any guy that I like him. But there is a friend of my brother whom I see every day and that’s the reason I like him a lot. Due to this infatuation problem I am unable to focus on my studies. What should I do?

At the age of 14 you have rightly used the word ‘infatuation’ to describe your emotional response to “smart boys” and you have avoided the mistake of telling them about your feelings. Infatuation is a sudden attraction towards people of the opposite sex which makes it difficult to concentrate on studies and other family duties. This attraction quickly comes and goes towards different boys. It has nothing to do with real love, which is a deep commitment of fidelity between adult people. Now there is a friend of your brother whom you “see every day” and you started liking “him a lot”. You are also getting infatuated with him and emotionally disturbed as you see him often. If your brother understands the situation he will be very displeased with you for getting involved with one of his friends and may complain to your parents. This could cause an unpleasant situation in your family.

 

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I am a 14-year-old boy. I love a girl but I am afraid to propose to her because I think that it will spoil over friendship. But my friends insist that I propose to her, I am confused. What should I do?

Do not listen to your friends who want you to propose your “love” to that girl. They may just want to see what will happen and make fun of you. You had better follow your feelings that any such proposal may “spoil” your friendship with her. You are only 14 and need not run to make proposals every time you get emotionally upset. In this moment, a good friendship with that girl is more than enough.

 

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I’m feeling highly distressed due to the immense pressure my parents are putting on me. They have unrealistic goals for me and want me to excel in all fields including academics. They compare me with other children in our colony, neglect my personal desires and are always dissatisfied with me regardless of my efforts. I want to shift to a hostel because of the repeated fights at my home. I can hardly talk to anyone. Please help.

I feel sorry to read that at the tender age of 13 your parents are putting heavy pressure on you and want you. You should explain this situation to some good family member or school counsellor who can help them to understand your present situation and start encouraging and appreciating you. Teenagers need to feel loved and appreciated in order to grow into mature human beings. Continue doing your best in studies and in your family life. Pray to God and He will also help you.

 

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I’m studying in Std. XI (Science). I had a lot of friends and was also popular in my friends’ circle. But recently I feel like I have lost them even though I’m in regular contact with them. I like making new friends but I’m a little shy and I don’t have the guts to start a conversation with someone. Please help.

There is a saying: “If you want a friend, be a friend”. You had a lot of friends in the past and were popular with them; therefore you know how to make friends. What you did in the past you can do again in the new situation. If you want love and affection, start by giving them to your new classmates. If you want people to smile at you, start by smiling at others. You have to decide whether to be happy in the new situation or to be lonely. The choice is yours; get up and start smiling and talking with those around you; you will be surprised by their happy response.

 

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A boy in my tuition class has a crush on me. My friends are always teasing me with his name and making ‘wedding plans’. They say that I like him and that it’s written on my face. After this, that boy is always staring at me in class. How do I get out of this situation?

Your friends are having fun by teasing you about the crush a boy in your tuition class has on you. In the teen age, it is common to get infatuated with a person of the opposite sex. He has this problem now, not you. Let your friends say what they want; they will get fed up of teasing you. As you are not infatuated with him and can say that to him. Request him to stop staring at you. If the situation does not improve you can inform your parents who will talk with him.

 

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I’m a 20-year-old girl doing B.Tech. for the past one year I have been in a relationship with Saksham but it feels like I am trapped. I can’t let go of him for any reason. Every time he says he wants to break up I start crying. Before him there was Arun whom I loved very much, but I broke up with him because of Saksham. But I think I still have feelings for him. I can’t get over him no matter how much I try. Saksham totally disrespects me but I can’t do anything. I just follow what he tells me to do. He uses bad language with me and slaps me, but I just can’t let go. Due to this my academics are getting affected. Please help.

Though you are an intelligent person doing B.Tech., you are affected by a deep sense of insecurity in life and have surrendered yourself completely to the will of a man who does not respect you, insults you and physically abuses you. You have lost your self-respect and dignity and are unable to decide by yourself what to do in life. You are like a slave in the hands of your master. In your letter you do not give any information about your family background and upbringing; the origin of your problems may be there. Remember that you are a child of God, created by Him to be free and responsible for your life. Take your life into your hands and seek advice from a good family member whom you trust or a professional counsellor.

 

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I feel shy and nervous to walk through when boys are standing in a group on the way. As I am overweight, I feel shy to participate in any function in school. I hate going out, especially alone, because whatever outfit I wear never suits me. This is why I feel awkward to communicate with others. I always have the feeling that people will make fun of me because I am obese.

I can see that you feel very embarrassed and extremely conscious that you are overweight and hold yourself back from doing many things that you enjoy.

It would be good to visit a doctor to find the cause for your excess weight. If there is no medical cause, you can seek guidance about a diet and exercise routine from the doctor or a nutritionist.

It is important to love and accept yourself if you want others to love and accept you. So, highlight the positive aspects of both your personality and your body. For example, you may have wonderful eyes, and with a little kajal you can highlight their beauty. Work on developing a kind and friendly attitude. Wear a smile and greet others.

Develop your sense of style. Ask a trusted friend to help you choose outfits and accessories that suit you. Today, Plus Sizes have their own flattering fashion styles! Build your confidence and your shyness will disappear slowly. Remember, only you can bring out the best in you!

 

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I am in love with a girl who is in her mid-teens. For years i have been following her and have twice declared my love for her. But she says she does not love me, nor does she even want to be my friend. I refuse to take “no” for an answer and insist that she will eventually say “yes”. I cannot concentrate on my studies and my results have started deteriorating. I love her and cannot live without her.

You feel very intensely about this girl to the extent that you seem to be obsessed with her and are losing control over yourself. I do empathize with the tormented feelings that you have.

I am not sure what you mean by ‘following her’, but if it involves tracking her in person or on social media, it amounts to stalking and it is a punishable offence.

Your words ‘refuse’ to take ‘no’ and ‘insist’ that she will say ‘yes’ shows that you want her to respond to you in the way that you want. This girl, like you, is an individual with her own thoughts, feelings, wishes and desires. You cannot force her to feel what she does not, or get her to reciprocate simple because your pride is hurt because she has said ‘No’. a ‘No’ does not mean ‘Yes’ in the long run. A ‘No’ means ‘No’. She is not interested. You don’t seem to really respect her wishes, and that in itself shows that it is not love. If you do have even the smallest feeling for this girl, you will respect this boundary and wish her happiness.

A relationship is a loving, mutual bond between two people. True love is about respecting another, about wanting the other person’s happiness above your own, about being selfless and not expecting anything in return. Tough, but true.

So, if you want a great relationship with a lady, make yourself attractive by being mature, selfless, giving and king. You will learn then attract someone who resonates with you.

 

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I perform well in studies but i am not able to concentrate on my studies. I have many hobbies such as dancing, painting, sketching, singing, etc. My parents want me to focus on one thing instead of giving time to my hobbies. Please help me to focus on one thing.

It is great to have hobbies along with your studies. However, your parents are right, the time is soon coming for you to focus on the most critical four years of your life – classes 9 to 12.

So, pick any one hobby to seriously pursue along with your studies. For this, you can join a hobby class if possible. As for the rest, don’t give them up..just use them as a means of relaxation between your study sessions.

One of the best ways is to focus on learning for at least two to three 25-minute sessions every day, with a five-minute break in between. In those 25-minute give all your attention to learning and reward yourself at the end of the session by spending time on a hobby, for example, sketching between two study sessions. If you do this, your hobbies will become your friends instead of distracting you from what you truly need to do.

 

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I’m a student of class 9. I want to take journalism as my career but my parents dream of seeing me as a doctor. I’ve tried several times to confide in them and tell them about my dreams and future plans but they don’t seem to be satisfied. I don’t want to hurt them because they have always done the best for me though we belong to a middle class family. Should i forget about my dream and pursue the career which my parents have selected for me or should I go against the will of my parents and choose journalism as my career?

You should quite keen on becoming a journalist instead of a doctor, so you must be feeling quite frustrated that your parents don’t share your dreams for your future.

If your mind is quite made up, you need to both develop your skills in journalism, and also be knowledgeable about a wide variety of subject areas. Develop your skills by contributing to the school magazine; teen magazines and newspapers; and take part in essay contests and more. Build your writing portfolio or blog. If you do well in these, it will then be easier to convince your parents that this is where your talents lie.

Parents want their children to have a secure future – both in terms of earnings and safety. If you can help them to see that you will be able to earn well in the field and that it is a respectable profession to be in, they will find it easier to see your point of view.

 

 

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I’m a normal teenager who wishes for a normal life. My problem is my parents want me to live according to their wishes. They never want to know about my dreams. They just want my safety to the point where they enrolled me in a girl’s college with subjects that I don’t want. I get that they are my parents and want my safety; but what kind of parents want their children to do what they want? They never lived like that but why do they put such pressure on me? I feel like running away from everything and living a life by myself for which I don’t have the courage. What can I do?

Seems like you are feeling very stifled by your parents’ over-protectiveness and disregard for your dreams. Looks like you don’t enjoy open communication with them.

You’re adult now, and it would help you if you took a more practical stand. First, take a good look at yourself. Are you clear about what you really want? Are your dreams practical and conventional, or will you be breaking out in a new direction? Also is safety the only reason they have put you in a girl’s college?

Then, take the initiative to meet with your parents. Ask them to help you understand why they have done what they have, and hear them out without judging. Be open to the idea that they may have a better understanding of you than you realize, and what you may be doing right now might turn out to be rocking future for you!

If you’re not convinced, then calmly explain that you do have your own hopes and dreams. Explain your future plans to them in detail keeping in mind your own safety. Ask for their support. You might just be surprised.

 

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I met a boy on Instagram. He proposed to me one day and we entered into a relationship. We never met. We just used to chat for some time every day. Everything was fine until one day I fell in love with another boy. As my new crush and I became close I blocked my boyfriend saying that my family had come to know about him. After two months I started talking to him again. Now I realize that making a boyfriend online is not right and can be unsafe. As I do not have any boy in my life now, not even my crush, I want to stop all this and focus on my studies and my family. I don’t know how to tell him that I cannot talk to him anymore. I’m afraid he might get upset with me about breaking up again and again and try to cause me harm or leak my number in anger or frustration. What should I do? I want to get away from him as soon as possible!

At the tender age of 14 you are running very fast from one relationship to another and making mistakes in your relationships. You started with a boy you met on Instagram and chatted with him every day. Subsequently you made another boyfriend online and decided to stop the old relationship for the new one. The result is that you do not have a boyfriend now. This negative experience should teach you to stop running after love dreams, which you are not able to handle. The decision you made to stop all this and focus on your studies and your family is the right one and I encourage you to follow it. You will never repent for having done that. Stop chatting online and those boys will forget you and move on.

 

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I’m addicted to social networking sites. Although I don’t have a personal phone I still have accounts on many social networking sites. I often operate them from my mother’s phone secretly in spite of warnings from my parents. I am not able to focus on my studies and next year is my board exam. Please help me to snap out of it.

Your addiction to social networking sites is playing a negative role in your life. In spite of warnings from your parents you disobey them and often operate these sites secretly from your mother’s phone. You have lost interest in your studies though next year is your board exam. If you continue in this way you will cause pain to yourself and your parents, because you may fall in these exams and be unable to achieve a good education. This will make it difficult for you in future to get a good job. You have to make a choice between entertaining yourself with social networking sites and not achieving a good position in life or concentrate on your studies and be successful in life, making your parents proud of you. Addictions are always bad and I strongly advise you to get out of this addiction which will help your life.

 

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I’m a degree student in a relationship with a boy three years older than me. We live in different cities due to our studies and meet each other only once or twice a year. Both of us take our studies seriously and respect each other’s space. Now it’s been six months and he has not responded to my calls and text messages properly. He makes excuses when I try to talk to him. He doesn’t like conversing on the phone so I don’t call him often but he complains for not calling him again. I’m confused as to how to respond to him. Sometimes I feel he has no more feelings for me and perhaps loves someone else. I thought of moving on but I love him a lot and I’m ready to respect his own time. But I’m growing more anxious now. I need your advice.

You are in a relationship with a boy three years older than you and live in different cities, therefore can “meet each other only once or twice a year”. Six months have passed but he has not responded to your calls properly and “he doesn’t like conversing on the phone”. Besides “he makes excuses when you try to talk to him”. This behaviour could mean that he is busy with his studies and does not want to waste time. This could also mean that his feelings for you have changed and he wants to move on your studies and let him make up his mind about his relationship with you. The day he will send you the message: “I love you so much”, you can understand that your love for each other can grow and reach a proper conclusion in a permanent relationship.

 

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