My Science School

I’m studying in Std X and had a boyfriend who studied in Std XII. We both were in a relationship for four years. I broke up with him because I got to know that he was cheating on me with another girl and kept me as a second option. After a couple of weeks I learned that the girl had also broken up with him because of the same reason. Now I want him back in my life because I’m incomplete without him. Because of this I’m not able to concentrate on my studies. Please help me.

At the age of 12 you were in a relationship with a boy of 14, the age when children are supposed to play and make friends. Now you are 16 and came to know that he was cheating on you with another girl and that she too “had also broken up with him because of the same reason”. Obviously that boy is immature and selfish, thinking only of his will and pleasure. Give him time to mature and understand his mistakes. Getting him back now in your life may probably cause you more pain and disappointment. In future, if he changes his ways, you may take him back.

 

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I’m a teenager and have fallen for another teen. At first I thought it was infatuation so I ignored the feelings but after years it slipped out that I loved him. We became friends on Facebook four years ago and I learned that we were neighbours. He went to live in another city for higher education. However, he came back after two years. We talk like best friends but I want to be in a relationship with him. He treats me like his girlfriend but still I don’t receive the feeling of “I’m in a relationship”. What should I do?

Four years ago you became friends with a boy on Facebook and you came to know that you were neighbours. After a break of two years you now talk to each other “like best friends” and he treats you “like his girlfriend”. Being a teenager you should be satisfied with this situation and enjoy the beauty of friendship, rather than worrying about some “feeling” that you are not “in a relationship” with him. If for you this means sharing life together in an exclusive and lifelong relationship, you are running too fast, because this can happen only in marriage. Be patient and enjoy the present situation of friendship, which is the best during the teenage. Come to know, understand and accept each other as you are, respecting and helping each other. At this point of time you cannot take final decisions about your future which is in the hands of God. Relax and be happy.

 

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I am a 15-year-old girl. I am in a long distance relationship with a boy who is 18. He says that he loves me but I feel that he considers me as a time pass. This thinking stops me from loving him and causes fights in our relationship. I also think that he is with another girl too but I can’t stop talking to him because I am really attracted to him. Should I break up with him or tell him what I feel about our relationship?

You seem to be confused and unable to carry on “a long distance relationship with a boy who is 18”. You feel that he “considers you as a time pass” and have “fights” with him. You also doubt that “he is with another girl”. This relationship with him is just an attraction, an emotional feeling, also called infatuation, common at the age of 15. You have no experience of love and life; besides you are not in personal contact with him as he is a long distance away. It is better for you to start interacting with young people of your age who are near to you, building good friendships with them, rather than carrying on a dream of love with someone you do not know well and who is far away.

 

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I have never been in a relationship in my life. I feel lonely because all my friends have boyfriends and I don’t. I always feel that I’m not beautiful enough even though I try to be but I’m tired of being alone with no one to share my feelings with. My friends aren’t there when I need them. What should I do?

It is sad to read that you have no one to share your feelings with and therefore you need a boyfriend because your friends aren’t there when you need them. At the age of 15 don’t you have parents and other family members to love and care for you? If you cannot be in a relationship with your own family how can you be in a relationship with a boy of your age who does not have experience of life? Have patience for a few more years and share your problems and difficulties with a adult people whom you trust, before entering into such relationship.

 

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I am 15 years old and in Std X. I have decided my future goals. I want to be a herpetologist. But my parents have no hope for me. They are forcing me to take up a career of their choice. Please help me.

There is nothing wrong in developing an interest in some subjects. In your case it is herpetology, which is a branch of zoology concerned with the study of frogs, toads etc. (amphibians) and also reptiles, like snakes, lizards, etc. this interest may or may not necessarily become a lifelong career. At the age of 15 it is too early to decide your “future goals”. Have patience, carry on with your studies and learn about other interesting subjects. Finally, with the help of your teachers and parents, you will be able to decide what to do for the rest of your life.

 

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A few months ago, I developed a crush on a boy in my neighborhood, but never disclosed my feelings about him to anyone. We both knew each other, but never talked, and this used to make me sad, but I could never gather the courage to go up to him and talk to him. Recently, another neighbour of mine, a girl, told me that she thought that, that guy had a crush on me. I refused to trust her, but later I noticed his change of attitude towards me. One day, he just came up to me and talked to me. His friends told me that they felt that he liked me. Eventually, I realized that he liked me too. Now we meet regularly and even sit together when we meet. This sudden change is proving awkward to me, as I’ve never had a friend who’s guy before. Should I accept the fact that he wants to be a friend? Should I tell him that I like him or should I wait for him to say it first? And finally, can you help me get the guts to talk to him freely; as I mentioned before, he’s my crush and I get butterflies when I see him.

Having a crush on a boy is not the same thing as wanting to be a friend with him. A crush is an emotional and physical attraction towards a person of the opposite sex which sometimes can lead to wrong expressions. Friendship is a pure and free relationship which can help the growth of each other. Friendship need not to be told (“should I tell him that I like him?”) because it is felt by the care and affection involved. It is commonly said that the one who finds a good friend finds a treasure. This is true, because a good friendship can last a lifetime and be of great help. Overcome the “crush” experience and enter into the experience of love and affection of friendship.

 

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I am a 14-year-old girl and I feel that I need my privacy. Whenever I chat with my friends on my phone, my mom wants to see those chats. I don’t want to show her my personal phone. Please help.

At the age of 14 you already have a personal phone which has been donated to you by your parents, trusting that you will use it properly. Your parents are a gift of God to you and they love and care for you. It is their sacred duty to protect you and ensure that, due to lack of experience, you will not fall into dangers or wrong relationships. I suggest that you introduce all your friends to your parents so that they know with whom you are spending your time. Remember also that it is your duty to obey your mother, therefore do what she tells you to do.

 

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My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for the past one year. We both really love each other and now want to tell our parents about it. He has to go to Nainital urgently so he promised to tell his parents when he returns. But I don’t have enough courage to tell my parents about my love. I want them to know all this but I’m not able to tell them. I have tried many times but after sometime I change the topic. How can I tell my parents about this?

In Indian culture, love relationships which lead to marriage are not considered good and right. As you “don’t have enough courage” to tell your parents about your love it is better to wait in order to understand your real feelings towards each other. Only if and when both of you are ready to face the consequences of your love you can talk to your parents and plan the future.

 

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I am 14 and I love a boy in my tuition class. He loves me too but we both are too shy to even talk to each other. We used to be really good friends but when we confessed our love to each other our friendship also lessened. What should I do?

At the age of 14 the “love” you felt for each other is the love of friendship: a joyful and free gift of self that helps your growth in relationships. This is one of the most beautiful experiences in human life and you should not feel shy to talk to each other. In the years to come you will experience other forms of love which will require knowledge and experience which now you do not have. Go on expressing friendship with care and affection not only each other but also towards other young people of your age around you.

 

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After five years of relationship, my boyfriend walked out of my life and asked me to move on. He said I was immature and that he had begun falling for his best friend! It’s too hard for me to accept this and I don’t know how to move on. Please help.

You began a relationship with a boy at the tender age of 12 when you did not have any experience of such relationships. Now you are 17 and struggling to understand why your boyfriend walked out of your life. You do not mention the age of your boyfriend nor the reasons why he said you were “immature”. You have to introspect and try to find out what went wrong in the future. Learning from past mistakes will help you to move on successfully with your life.

 

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