My Science School

My mom is always tensed. There's not a single day when she's free of tension. All the time she's talking only about studies. I'm a good student. Yet, she's always worried about my career. It's good that she's a considerate person but it'll be harmful for her health in the long run. Even when we're on vacation, she's tensed and stressed out. This worries me and my father at times. Please help!

Your mother is probably going through an emotional disorder that only a psychologist can tackle. You cannot do anything, except get worried. Your father should handle this problem. What you personally can do is to remember your mother in your prayers. Also reassure her frequently of your love for her.

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I am 14 years old and have a friend in school. He likes me and always needs me next to him whenever we're out of class, e.g., during lunch. He told me everything about his family, classmates, neighbours. He told me that his parents don't like him at all nor does his sister, neighbours, relatives either. I was shocked when he said, "I wash all the utensils. My mum doesn't do that." When she makes something; it's only for his father, sister and for her. He said, "I make my breakfast, dinner. I wash my clothes by myself." He says he is forced to wash his mother's, father's and sister's clothes too. If he doesn't do that, then he has to sleep without eating anything. She always shouts at him. And when he replies back he is hit with something or gets a slap from his mum or dad. I don't know whether to believe this or not. I don't think that parents can do that. When I asked him the reason behind this, he told me that when he was 3-4 years old his parents lost their daughter, a college student, in an accident. He says that they do this because they lost her. He felt lonely and planned to commit suicide but I told him that it is really wrong and God will not forgive that sin. Should I believe all that he said? Should I continue my friendship?

You are right in doubting what your friend told you about his situation in the family; it all seems quite unbelievable. He claims to be a servant in his house, not a son. It is not for you to find out the truth or a solution to your friend's problems. The fact that he "always needs me next to him" seems to prove his loneliness and insecurity. Advise him to explain his family problems not to you (who cannot do anything) but to a school counsellor or some senior teacher, who may know how to approach the family and find out the truth.

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I'm 14 years old. I had a friend who was a guy. We were very happy with our friendship but after some days I started liking him and now I love him even more. When I told him about my feelings, he started spreading this news in his friends' circle and told them that I flirted with him. He hates me now and when he's with his friends, abuses me even more. They think that I'm a flirt. I want to remove this misunderstanding from their minds and I want him back in my life. I really love him and can't forget him.

My neighbour proposed to me a few days ago and I refused because we were best friends and I never thought anything else about him. But after my refusal he doesn't even look at me and treats me as if he doesn't know me. I don't want to lose my friend.

In my building there is a boy who was a very good friend of mine. We were friends since I was 10 years old. Everything was normal till last year when he suddenly proposed to me. I too started liking him after his proposal, but I did not accept it because I felt that maintaining a secret relationship with him would be cheating my parents. I don't know what to do.

At the beginning of the teenage, proposing to a good friend ("we were very happy with our friendship", "we were best friends") with the intention of changing the nature of the relationship into something more exclusive and possessive ("I love him even more", "my neighbour proposed to me") can create serious misunderstandings and even the breaking of the relationship. Your letters prove this point. The problem is that, at the age of 14 or 15, it is difficult to understand the difference between friendship, infatuation and true love. Do not be in a hurry to reveal your inner feelings to your friends, be patient and be satisfied with a free sharing of life as it happens in a good friendship. Time will help you understand your feelings and, if necessary, make new proposals.

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I am a 17-year-old boy in a small family. My parents weren't so advanced when they were my age; they took on family work and burdens at the tender age of 12-15. They started to earn money at this age. But now times have changed; I can't do all that they did at my age. But they compare me with them saying that I am a stupid son and that I can't do what they did at my age. They say that they used to walk miles to school and I am in so much ease that I go by bus, etc. This makes me think, should I leave my studies and earn money? Is it money that they want?

It is not uncommon for parents to compare the life they had as teenagers with life in the present times. Sometimes they do so to express their happiness to be able to give to their children a better life than their own; at other times their motivation is to stimulate their children not to be selfish and expect too much from their parents, who may still be struggling for money. I am sure that your parents want you to study but not demand too much from them. Listen to them: this is quite a reasonable request.

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I am a 15-year-old girl. I had a best friend from my school; he never used to talk to girls. I was the first girl with whom he was close. Everyone in our school spread a rumour that we were in relationship. We never cared about this. A guy from my locality once asked me if we were both in relationship. I was really frustrated and said yes. That guy went to my friend and told him and from then he stopped talking to me. I tried many times to talk to him but he does not listen to me. I don't know what to do.

When a boy and a girl get close in school it is likely that rumours and gossip will spread. This is what has happened to you. The rumours spread also outside the school and you foolishly confirmed them. That boy got the impression that you are telling everybody about your "relationship" and does not like it. As you are now realizing, too many things went wrong because of your lack of experience in handling relationships with boys. Learn from your mistakes and go back seriously to your studies and family duties.

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I regularly receive an SMS from an unknown person. I think he is a very good human. But even though he sounds well I get disturbed. I asked him not to send any more messages, but still he sends them. I don't want to tell my parents because they would worry. What should I do?

The only thing you should do is to immediately inform your parents about this situation. They will worry more if they come to know later on. Besides, you should neither open the SMS from that unknown person nor respond to them. If he were "a very good human" he should have told you his name and not sent messages regularly after you told him to stop doing so.

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Last year there was a girl in my class whom I loved and still love. But when I proposed to her she said 'no' and that we were 'just friends'. But after a few months I stopped talking to her because she used to be with other boys and I got jealous. I thought she would come to talk to me but she did not. Now it's been a year but I haven't forgotten her. I can't concentrate on my studies. I miss her very much; I know she doesn't care for me but still I cannot forget her.

It is commonly said that 'love is blind'. The attitude of that girl with other boys and her lack of interest in talking to you have made you realize that she doesn't care for you. In spite of that you are unable to forget her and concentrate on your duties. Friendship and love are built on the freedom of two or more people to enter into a deeper level of affection and communication. She has taken a free decision regarding you; therefore do not get stuck in the past and enjoy new and beautiful friendships and be serious about your education, for which your parents are making sacrifices.

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My best friend is very beautiful. All the boys in my school fall in love with her. Nowadays even my boyfriend likes to chat with her. If she's absent for one day he asks me where she is! I'm feeling very insecure about this. What should I do?

What you should do is to avoid falling into the trap of becoming jealous about your "very beautiful" best friend. Physical beauty is a gift from God and will not last forever; inner beauty (a loving, humble and compassionate heart) is even more important because it is our gift to God. Jealousy will make you lose your peace of mind, ruin your relationship with that girl as well as with your "boyfriend". You will remain with empty hands.

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I used to study in a boys' school and now I have moved to a co-ed school. I am very shy in making female friends. I like a girl and want to make friends with her. Should I go up to her and say that I want to make friends with her?

It is commonly said that "deeds speak louder than words". Showing your interest in that girl by a gentle smile, a warm greeting or some act of kindness to her in case of need will convey the message that you want to be her friend. These will be more effective than empty words and proposals.

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