I’m not mentally strong


I’m a 16-year old girl in Class 10. I will soon appear for my board exams. But, in this final year of high school, I secured only 70% in one of my exams. In last test, I secured 81.6%. I feel my problem is my attitude; I’m not mentally strong. Today my spirits are up; tomorrow my spirits may go down. I can’t maintain consistency. Though it seems like shallow thinking sometimes I feel that the reason for this is because my sun sign is Gemini. I want to change myself completely but don’t know when I will be able to. My dad says, when we are able to know who we are, we will always have a high spirit and full faith in ourselves. How will I be able to know who I am?



You feel like you yo-yo between high and low spirits, and your dad is egging you on to make a change in yourself. Perhaps you are not quite ready for it, but your board exams will soon be here. No matter which sun sign you are, change is about bringing out the best in yourself. Start the journey of self-discovery by listing out your values, the beliefs you hold that help or prevent success, your strengths and weaknesses, your talents and your moments of success. Keep a journal to record your thoughts and changes. Reflection will deepen your thinking.



Your goal right now is academic success, so develop consistent study habits. Use study skills – mind maps, grouping things, flash cards and more. More importantly, use the 25-minute technique. Study with great focus for 25 minutes without distraction; then take a 5-minute break. Do another 25-minute slot, followed by a 10-minute break. You can do up to 4 back-to-back 25-minute slots before you take a longer break. Building consistency in one area will help you build consistency in others.



 



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My life is full of problems



I’m a very stressed person and my life is full of problems. Though I’m good in studies I want to be an English singer. I’ve many dreams in life but something is not letting me grow. Sometimes I even think of committing suicide. I’ve a childhood friend who’s a boy and we’re just friends. He’s not talking to me anymore and we just chat on Facebook. When I asked him the reason for not talking to me he said that it’s because of his board exams. What kind of a friendship is this?



You haven’t mentioned your ‘problems’, but I can see that you are very discouraged. Suicide is not a solution to problems; it is destroying your true potential, which you have not even begun to discover. Problems help you to discover your inner strength and build your character, so tackle them head-on. Take support from people who love you and whom you trust; seek help from a student counsellor. Use stress management techniques such as listening to music, exercising, prayer, doing pranayama (under guidance) and more.



If you are sure that English singing is the right dream, then asks yourself: how good you at singing? Are you formally trained? Have you recorded your voice to make a portfolio? To achieve a dream, you have to break a big dream into small steps and tackle them one step at a time.



Understandably you feel hurt that your friend isn’t paying attention to you. However, he is seems quite focused on his studies, which is great. If you are his good friend, please do support him, as the board exam year is a very important one for his future.



 



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I have a major crush on her again



I have a crush on a girl since I was in class 6; now I am in class 10. In class 7, I proposed to her and she said ‘yes’ but after that she did not speak to me again. When my friend asked her whether she liked me or not she commented on my looks saying, “He is not that great. I will not date him; he is very bad looking.” After that I never looked at her but one year later we were both in the same class and she tried to be friendly with me. At that time I didn’t speak to her, but now in class 10 I have a major crush on her again. What should I do to get my mind off her?



You must be quite puzzled about this girl’s behaviour and her comments about your looks must certainly have hurt. However, the writing is on the wall – she isn’t really interested, and it brings no joy when a relationship is so one-sided, don’t you agree? You have rightly identified it as a crush; so it will pass. And you can certainly help yourself by focusing on your board exams and your future career, along with some sports and relaxing hobbies to develop your personality. The journey of life has just begun and you’re sure to find someone warm and caring along the way!



 



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My best friend started hating me



I am a student of Std 8. At the start of the year I had a best friend. But someone started a rumour about me and my best friend hating me. I convinced her and she said sorry. But now she has a boyfriend and a girl on his bus told her that she is in his bus so she should prioritize her. Now she is ignoring me. I feel like committing suicide.



I can see that your friend’s action has caused you deep pain. I feel really sad to read that you wish to commit suicide. For this, I urge you to speak to your school counsellor who can give you real-time support.



A friend who deserts you is no friend and it is not worth having him or her back! Naturally, you feel angry and helpless that she has turned away from you. But, at the same time, you need to let her go. You also need to feel and express your pain and anger in a safe way, through activities such as painting, sports, drama and more. Have a good cry when you need to. Grieving for what is gone is an important part of healing and will help you to later be open to making new friends without keeping hatred in your heart for the other person.



You will slowly but surely discover an inner courage and strength of character that will help you to become a better person instead of a bitter one.



 



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I want my friend back!



 



I am a student of Std 8. I have a friend who has a crush on my brother’s friend. She wanted to know everything about him and was forcing me to steal his phone number from my brother’s mobile. When I refused to do this, she stopped talking to me. I am confused about what I should do. I want my friend back!



I admire your strong sense of values and your firmness at refusing to steal a phone number from your brother’s mobile! On the other hand, I do see that you are very hurt that your friend stopped talking to you. That must feel awful.



Do the simplest thing. Wait a tiny bit for tempers to cool and ask to meet her – either directly, or through a trusted person. If she agrees, then have a frank talk. Acknowledge to her and empathize that you feel for her and do realise that she may have been quite desperate to talk to this boy, however, for you it did not feel right to ‘steal’ even a phone number. If she understands and accepts why you acted the way you did, and chooses to come back to the friendship, then great, otherwise sadly, you will need to accept that this friendship is at an end.



 



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I want my friend back!



I am a student of Std 8. I have a friend who has a crush on my brother’s friend. She wanted to know everything about him and was forcing me to steal his phone number from my brother’s mobile. When I refused to do this, she stopped talking to me. I am confused about what I should do. I want my friend back!



I admire your strong sense of values and your firmness at refusing to steal a phone number from your brother’s mobile! On the other hand, I do see that you are very hurt that your friend stopped talking to you. That must feel awful.



Do the simplest thing. Wait a tiny bit for tempers to cool and ask to meet her – either directly, or through a trusted person. If she agrees, then have a frank talk. Acknowledge to her and empathize that you feel for her and do realise that she may have been quite desperate to talk to this boy, however, for you it did not feel right to ‘steal’ even a phone number. If she understands and accepts why you acted the way you did, and chooses to come back to the friendship, then great, otherwise sadly, you will need to accept that this friendship is at an end.



 



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I feel very nervous in everything I do



My problem is that I feel very nervous in everything I do. When guests come to my house I hide as I am not able to talk face to face; nor can I speak in public. Although my classmates like to talk with me, I have no courage to speak to them, especially with girls. I am very confused and upset. How can I overcome this situation?



Sounds like you are very nervous and anxious, especially in social situations. It must be quite distressing for you to feel this way each time you have to interact with others.



Your beliefs influence your thoughts, then your feelings, and hen your behaviour. So, tackle the beliefs that bring you down. Do you believe you are not good enough? You’re boring? Challenge this belief. Ask, ‘Am I really boring? Is there any proof for this?’



A smile is a good way to connect with people. Try it first with people who won’t make fun of you. When you feel a bit confident, start greeting them with a ‘Hello, how are you?’ Then start sitting with friends or family in a group and be a part of it by simply listening to what others have to say and by nodding to acknowledge. Participating in a conversation is not always about speaking. When you feel courageous, add a small point.



Support yourself by practicing breathing and relaxation exercises, and make sure you exercise every day.



If these don’t work and you still feel anxious, please do approach your school counsellor for real-time help.



 



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How can we concentrate on our studies?



I am in class 11 and I have had a boyfriend since class 7. We both really love each other. We live in different cities now because of our studies. Due to this we spend a lot of time thinking about each other and we are not able to concentrate on our studies. We are both very good in studies but now we are getting fewer marks in our academics. Because of this we tried to break our relationship but it is very difficult for us. What should we do so that we can concentrate on our studies without ending our relationship?



Both you and your boyfriend seem to be quite discouraged about being separated from each other. From your letter, I assume that you are in touch with each other quite regularly.



Ask yourself: what is the most important thing at this moment? Is it studies? Or is it relationship? If you both do badly at academics, what will happen to your possible future together?



So, take an up-side-down view and turn a disadvantage into strength! Champion each other on instead of mooning away! Both of you can set weekly goals for your studies; then, share the goals with each other and have an agreement to focus on studies. At the end of the week, check with each other to find out whether you have achieved your study goal. If you haven’t, share ideas about how to study better and how to overcome difficulties. If you have, then you can celebrate and continue to work this way.



Love is about friendship, which is also about supporting each other to succeed. Give each other a virtual high five!



 



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Our relationship was more special when we were friends


I am currently in a relationship with a boy. I’m confused because I found our relationship more special when we were friends than now. I think of breaking up with him but he really likes me and I do not want to hurt his feelings. Please help.



Your certainly do care for this boy, but perhaps your heart has spoken the truth to you? All friendships do not necessarily change into romantic relationships.



Reflect on what was ‘special’ in the friendship before the relationship. This will help you to be clear about how you want your friendship to be. Then pluck up courage; speak to him frankly and tell him you’d rather be his good friend than his girlfriend.



He may be upset, or he may even stop talking to you. But, you will have done what is right. And, ultimately, if he is mature enough, he will appreciate your honesty.



 



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Should I tell my parents about him?



I have a boyfriend. My problem is that I cannot tell this to my parents because they don’t allow me to talk to boys. What should I do – tell my parents about him or not?



You are surely in a tough spot. You have spoken to this boy even though you to… and have gone a step further and made him your boyfriend. Now, when you tell your parents, what do you think their response will be? And if you don’t tell them and they find out, do you think they would trust you at all after that?



Growing up involves becoming responsible, and communicating in a mature manner. Before taking such a big step, it would have been nice to understand why your parents have put a restriction on your talking to boys. Is it to protect you? Is it to enable you to focus on studies? It would be great if you first build a relationship of mutual understanding and trust with your parents before you seek an outside relationship.



In our culture, it is with good reason that we focus on different goals for different stages of life. This is your age of being a student, enjoying friendships and having fun crushes. So, how about keeping this ‘boy’ a ‘friend’ till you’re older and can naturally and comfortably introduce whoever will be ‘the special person in your life’ to your parents?



 



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I want to be an astrophysicist. What should I do after Std X? I will be giving any Std X exams this year. Which colleges will be good for admission?



The study of Astrophysics requires a strong background in Physics and Maths. After 10+2, go for B.Sc. with PCM (Physics, Chemistry and Maths) or B.Tech. After completing these courses go for postgraduation and later Ph.D.



There are some specialized institutes for such research work. Some of these are: Indian Institute of Astrophysics (IIA); Bangalore; Institute of Physics (IOP), Bhubhaneswar; Inter-University Centre for Astronomy & Astrophysics (IUCAA), Pune; Tata Institute of Fundamental Research, Bangalore; Indian Institute of Science, Bangalore; National Centre for Radio astrophysics, Pune.



 



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I am a student of Std X. I am really interested in literature and would like to pursue my career in this field. Please help me with a list of career options, courses and colleges in this field.



Literature is a vast and engaging field. But the career path after college is somewhat undefined, largely because there’s so much you can do with a degree in literature.



Many of the skills, obtained through the study of English, are highly prized in every job or profession. These are: being able to write well; to convey meaning precisely; to argue and debate; to read pages of prose and pick out the essential points; to persuade others of your point of view; to think and act creatively.



Media can be a good fit for an English literature graduate, as they offer a good way to apply your knowledge of the written language. These skills will also serve you well in advertising and marketing. Teaching in another option; from primary education right up to college, the English subject is considered important at all stages.



Publishing is an area that is coming up fast, and those with a literary bent of mind should definitely consider it. You’ll probably start off as a proof-reader, but who knows, you may be editing a best-selling novel in the years to come!



Creative writing and even technical writing is yet another option. A career in technical writing does not require a scientific or engineering background, but it does require an excellent command of the English language and the ability to write logically, clearly and accurately.



Translation is yet another area, especially if you’re familiar with another language besides English. Due to their improved skills, even advertising and PR agencies find literature graduates suitable for their work.



 



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I am a student of Std VII. I want to make career in tour management. What steps should I take?



Tour managers are responsible for accompanying tours from beginning to end. They play an integral part in ensuring their clients’ tour experience meets their expectation. A professional course in tour management will help you understand the nuances of the job. Many institutes offer short-term courses in tour management. Preference is given to applicants who are well-travelled. The knowledge of a foreign language also helps in securing admission. Usually, tour guides get most of their training on the job, as most travel agencies train their tour operators at least for two months before sending them on solo trips. The finer tricks of the trade are learnt by assisting senior tour mangers, observing them while they manoeuvre and make the trip exciting for travellers. Eligibility for these courses is graduation. Since you are in class VII, at present, just focus on your current studies and do well.



 



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I am a student of Std VIII. I want to pursue my career in astronomy. I want to join ISRO. What are the qualifications and degrees required? Please list the suitable colleges in Mumbai to pursue this.



The first step is to take Mathematics and Physics in 10+2. There are not many universities in India which offer an undergraduate programme in Astronomy, so you should go for B.Sc. (Hons.) in Physics. Then go for M.Sc. followed by Ph.D.; this will enable you to become an astronomer. If you are keen on joining ISRO, then one of the modes is through Indian Institute of Space Science and Technology (IIST), Trivandrum. IIST offers 4-year B.Tech. programmes and 5-year dual degree programmes and admission is on the basis of your score in the JEE Advance examination. After completion of the programme, students, on the basis of merit, are absorbed by ISRO.



 



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I am Std XII student of Humanities. I am very interested in civil services and I want to become an IAS officer. What do I have to study to achieve my goal?



In order to become an IAS Officer, you must apply for the civil services examination conducted by the UPSC. It consists of three stages: preliminary, mains and interview. The basic eligibility is graduation in any field. This examination is one of the toughest and requires thorough preparation. Clear your basics first; NCRT books will help you. Start reading The Hindu or Indian Express every day. Don’t just focus on trivial facts or details. Go through the editorials and try looking at the issues with an unbiased mindset. Also subscribe to magazines like Yojana, Kurukshetra, India Today, Frontline, Competition and Success Review, etc., for deep insights. Work on your vocabulary and improve your communication skills. Though real preparation starts while doing graduation, these suggestions will help you to improve your general knowledge.



 



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