My Science School

I had a very good friend who was a girl and my classmate. We spent a lot time together and were best buddies like forever. But after a few months of our friendship, my other friends thought I was in a relationship with her. This went on for many days and even today they all tease me about this. Now she doesn't talk to me because of these untrue issues that my friends have created. What should I do?

Teenagers sometimes fail to believe that a boy and a girl can be good friends, without being in a 'love' relationship. They can be cruel and keep teasing about this matter. As you know that nothing is going on between you and that girl, you should ignore their words; they will get bored of taunting someone who does not care. That girl too feels embarrassed because of this situation and doesn't talk to you. If possible, tell her how you feel about this matter and not to be afraid of continuing a good friendship.

Picture Credit : Google

It was love at first sight for me two years ago when I saw him. I never told him anything. Somehow we became friends and started spending time together. Five months ago he proposed to me; it was like a dream come true. I accepted, but after three months we broke up due to some complications which was not easy for me. Now I don't know how to react when around him so I ignore him which is not easy for me. He called me and asked why I was ignoring him. I didn't answer; but he again proposed to me and I rejected the call. I know he loves me but I'm confused. Should I give him a chance again or should I keep ignoring him? I'm sad, depressed; please help me.

Two years ago you got infatuated with a boy but kept it to yourself and spent time with him as a friend. Five months ago he proposed to you, which you accepted, but after three months both of you decided to break up due to some complications. Both of you seem to be confused about how to handle a love relationship. Now you have decided to ignore him and rejected his call to restart the relationship. You feel hurt, sad and depressed. If he was responsible for breaking up the relationship you should forgive him if you really love him. Forgiveness is a sign of true love. If, on the contrary, you were responsible, apologize and restart the relationship, as you know he loves you.

Picture Credit : Google

I really like a guy in my class but unfortunately he likes someone else. After gathering courage for 6 months, I confessed it to him. He said that he appreciates my love for him and politely refused. We were good friends and he accepted to continue our friendship. But even now I can't get him out of my thoughts and whenever he notices this he changes the topic. I am really confused. Please help me.

You have to learn to respect other people's feelings. You "really like a guy" in your class, and slowly, "after gathering courage for 6 months", you confessed it to him. He politely told you that he "appreciates your love" but he likes someone else. If that is the truth, you have to respect his decision and be happy to continue a good friendship with him, as he has accepted to do. A love relationship is built on the mutual decision of two persons to enter into such commitment; no one can force oneself on another. Love is free.

Picture Credit : Google

My friend and I met two years ago and became best friends. Other friends of mine didn't like her because of her attitude being a school leader. Some months ago, there were four days left for the board exams. Suddenly she fought with me and abused me in front of everyone, I couldn't control myself. I wrote something bad about her on a social networking site. I didn't mean to do it. I regret that. I'm trying to get her back into my life for the past six months but she's not ready to forgive me. She's my best and most precious friend; I need her back in my life. But how should I get her back?

If your best friend, who is also a school leader, suddenly fought with you and abused you in front of everyone there must have been some serious reason. If you have done something seriously wrong you should have accepted the correction, though it was wrong from her side to do so in public. The fact that, even now, after all that has happened, you still consider her your "best and most precious friend" and that you need her back in your life seem to prove that you have realized your mistake. If you want to try to get her back, acknowledge your mistake of writing something bad about her on a social networking site and apologize publicly on the same networking site.

Picture Credit : Google

I like a boy since a year, he is one year younger than me and we both study in the same tuition class. He knows that I like him. He asked me on Facebook whether I like him or not, but I ignored him as I didn't want to tell him that I like him. He has told this to all his friends at school, tuition and his cousins, too. Whenever I see his friends they keep staring at me. I know that he is kind of a playboy. I even made a fake Facebook account to chat with him and found out that he is not a good guy. I came to know that he talks rubbish behind my back but is nice in front of me. Above all my dad and his dad are great friends. I want to forget him as these are my crucial years. My friends also keep telling me the same thing but I can't stop thinking about him. Please help me.

If you like to play with fire, you will end up getting burnt. Though you know that boy (who is only 15) "is kind of a playboy", that "he is not a good guy" and even that "he talks rubbish" behind your back, you can't stop thinking about him. Don't you have a sense of dignity and self-respect? Come out of your dreams and realize you are just caught up in an infatuation! He already got out of it; you do the same at the earliest.

Picture Credit : Google

Ever since childhood, I used to be a very shy and reserved kid. But being just a kid, people hardly judged me and I was lucky that way. As I grew up, I became a bit more confident about myself but nevertheless I continued to be a quiet girl who hardly spoke. It's not that I don't want to speak my mind out, just that I lack self-confidence. Today, when I meet someone new, they believe I am arrogant. I may seem unapproachable but in reality, I am one of the friendliest persons around. How can I help myself?

I do believe that you are one of the friendliest persons around, but the problem is that you do not have the courage to show your good qualities and friendly nature to the people around you. You are well aware that this happens because you lack self confidence. Remember that God gives every one of his children many talents and beautiful qualities for a happy life. Look into yourself and, day by day, write on a paper all the good qualities that you discover in e.g., a friendly and loving nature, a kind and compassionate heart, a hard-working nature, etc. Share what you have written with some of your teachers or family members who know you well and they may help you discover your other beautiful hidden qualities. Trust in God; He has created you with love and will never fail you.

Picture Credit : Google

I am a little weak in maths but I am good in all other subjects. But my parents always scold and make me cry just for poor marks in maths. They don't even care for my talents. They think writing poem and drawing cartoons are just a waste of time. They don't allow me to play or watch T.V. I feel like a prisoner in my home. My dad doesn't even let me talk to my friends or to go on Facebook. They just want me to study maths. What should I do?

Sometimes, out of love for their children, parents become over-protective and over-anxious about them and their future. This seems to be happening in your family. Parents should never forget that their duty is to discover the talents God has given to their children and help to develop them. An encouraging attitude will work wonders rather than frequent scolding and prohibitions, which will lead to depression and loss of self-esteem. Confide your problem with a school counsellor or one of your teachers, so that they can talk to your parents and help them change their negative attitude.

Picture Credit : Google

My boyfriend is 19 and an overall good person who is working as well as being a good student. He loves me a lot and even wants to marry me but before that he wants both of us to become something in life and stand on our feet. He is a rich but down-to-earth guy. My friends, cousins and my sister know about him and they are comfortable with him as my boyfriend. He is Muslim and I am Hindu. I'm just 17 and my parents want me to get married soon and they have started searching for guys. I don't like any of them as they are too old for me and they don't respect my hobbies and my interests, whereas my boyfriend encourages me in my studies as well as extra-curricular activities. I want to marry him only but not now as we both want to make our careers first. But my parents want me and my sister to get married as soon as possible. I can't tell my parents about our relationship as they are very strict. I'm not able to concentrate on my studies due this torture. What should I do?

You do not have the courage to tell your parents about your relationship with your Muslim boyfriend because "they are very strict". Ask your boyfriend if he has informed his parents about his relationship with you. If he has not done so it is because he too knows that his parents are very strict and may never accept it. It is time for both of you to stop dreaming and come down to the reality of the Indian culture and religious feelings in this country, before getting into serious trouble.

Picture Credit : Google

I'm in a long distance relationship with an 18-year-old guy who lives in Kerala. We first met on Facebook. We love each other a lot; we speak for hours on the phone although we have never seen each other. Neither of us has a doubt about the other. The problem is that my mother knows about it and she restricts me from talking to him as she says that I'm too innocent and I don't know the world and all that stuff. But I really love him and he loves me too. My mother says I should concentrate on my studies. But it's not that I'm not studying: I study and I'm scoring better than before and even he forces me to study. I don't see the point in not speaking to him, but sometimes I feel that my mother's right. But I can't go a minute without thinking about him. I want to be with him and also not go against my mother. What should I do?

The beginning of your teenage when you need guidance from those who love you and have more experience of life, the best thing you should do is to trust the judgment of your mother. The fact that you "speak for hours on the phone although we have never seen each other" (who pays the phone bill?) and you "can't go a minute without thinking about him" proves that you are just utterly and blindly infatuated with that boy. You are living a dream of love without knowing the meaning of love, which grows slowly and needs deep personal experience. Trust your mother's advice and don't go against her opinion.

Picture Credit : Google

I have a friend, my best friend since four years. Now she is angry with me just because I went out with another friend without her. I feel sorry now because I did this quite often. I have tried every means to make her happy. I send her a message almost every day but there is no reply. I even went to her house to ask for forgiveness but she ignored me and asked me to leave. I am really upset and don't want to lose this friendship. Please help me.

I appreciate your desire for reconciliation with your friend who felt ignored and is now angry with you. You did all that you could, even went to meet her to ask for forgiveness. Unfortunately your friend, stubbornly stuck in jealousy and unforgiveness, asked you to leave. There is not much more that you can do except to pray for her that she may realize her stubbornness and come back to your friendship. Many times in this column we have stressed that friendship is founded on mutual trust, respect and forgiveness. A dialogue should be always open between two friends in order to solve any issue in peace and love, and to avoid misunderstandings. If your friend is not willing to change her attitude, learn from this experience and look out for some other good friendships.

Picture Credit : Google

Three years ago I met a girl and we become friends. Our friendship deepened day by day and we became best friends. After being with her for so many months I gradually started developing feelings for her and one day I proposed to her. She accepted but after a month we broke it off. The reason was that one of my friends also liked her and I didn't like that. I doubted that she also liked him. It was somewhat true. But she also liked me. There started a conflict among us. Because of this she can't concentrate on her studies. Her reputation is failing in front of her teachers. For her well-being I gave up, though she didn't want me to. And from that very day I didn't even look at her. Now the situation is better than before (for her). For more than a year I haven't spoken a word to her. And because of this I feel lonely and the loneliness increases day by day. Now I am tired of this emptiness. I am dying day by day. Please help.

At the tender age of 16 you are going through sadness and depression: "I am dying day by day", "I feel lonely", "I am tired of this emptiness". All this is happening because a girl, for whom you have "feelings", likes you but also one of your friends and this has created a conflict between the three of you. Liking someone does not necessarily mean entering into an exclusive love relationship with that person, especially during the teenage. Friendship is built on trust and respect for each other. Your lack of experience has blinded you with jealousy and suspicion and you "haven't spoken a word to her" for more than a year. You have also forgotten that there are many other important things that fill our lives with meaning and make it beautiful: don't you have loving parents and other family members, loving friends, interesting studies and plans for the future; last but not least: faith in a loving God? Learn from this experience to control your feelings and not to expect an exclusive love from your friends.

Picture Credit : Google

I am studying in the S.Y.B.A. I am a very shy girl and prefer to be alone most of the time. I have always been like this right from a young age. My best friend and I are always together and have liked it that way. She is very outgoing and loves to roam. Coming to college we have made new friends but I don't feel comfortable with them. They are very nice (boys and girls) but they like to roam a lot and go to the movies and all. My problem is that somehow I can't make myself go with them. They are very fun loving and I enjoy their company in college but whenever they plan to go out, even if it's a holiday, I cannot bring myself to go with them. If it is their birthday I make an excuse and tell them I can't make it. Because of this I dread going to college every day. I cannot share my feelings with anyone. I would really like to be like them or at least outgrow my shyness and mix with them.

What you are experiencing is not just shyness but a deeper problem: fear of intimacy in relationships, a sense of inferiority and low self-esteem. The reasons for that could be in your upbringing and the relationship you had with your parents and other family members. Unfortunately you do not give any information on your family background. I advise you to share your feelings with a college counsellor, a trusted lecturer or close family friend in order to try to understand why you cannot be a "fun-loving" teenager like your college friends.

Picture Credit : Google

My sister was a scholar. She always topped her exams and brought pride to the family in terms of studies and stuff. People compare me to her all the time. They keep talking about how smart she is and how dumb I am. I'm not dull; I score 89% in my exams, yet people keep taunting me about not being as brilliant as her. What bugs me the most is that my mom herself says that I'm dumb and that she doesn't think that I'll do anything in my life. I want to study literature but I'm not getting my parents' support! There were days when I was depressed about this and frustrated as hell. I'm in Std X right now and according to my mother, I won't be able to score more than my sister. But I'm determined to. How can I get over this whole thing? I find it very frustrating and can't take this anymore.

I understand your feelings of depression and frustration because of the taunting of some people, and even your mother, about how smart your sister is and how "dumb" you are. Your good score in your exams proves that you are not at all dumb; this is the truth and you can be proud of yourself. Your teachers could confirm this to your mother. If you want to "get over this whole thing" do not try to enter into a competition with your sister by being determined to score more than her in your Std X. Be yourself and not a copy of your sister. Do your best and leave the rest to God.

Picture Credit : Google

I am a 15-year-old girl and I have a serious crush on a boy who is two years older than me and is my neighbour and family friend. He proposed to me a couple of times. I told him that I have feelings for him but being in a relationship at this age is not appropriate and he agreed. Now he talks to me differently and is unpredictable. Although he says that he loves me I don't know what he's up to. It's making me mad.

You did well in telling that boy that being in a relationship at the age of 15 is not appropriate; he was mature enough to agree with you. Consequently, now he has changed his attitude and is talking with you more as a friend than as a boyfriend. You should be happy about that, rather than becoming "mad". You do not seem to know what you really want from him, except that you "have a serious crush". Crushes easily come and go at your age.

Picture Credit : Google

I love a guy from my coaching classes but I don't know if he likes me or not. He sometimes smiles at me but I don't know what that really means. I think he likes my best friend but I am not even sure about that. I want to let him know I love him but I'm scared. What if he doesn't like me back? I want him to make the first move. Please help!

Your parents are spending money to send you to coaching class and you seem to be wasting a lot of time in love games of smiles and looks at each other. At your age it is better to enjoy good friendships rather than confused infatuations and attractions. Keep your eyes on your books and that "guy" will do the same. This will do a lot of good to both of you.

Picture Credit : Google