My Science School

My parents had a love marriage; my mother is Muslim and my father Hindu. My mom did not convert to Hinduism, everything was fine but she was not accepted by my dad's family as their background is in politics and they thought that if they accepted her they would get a bad name. My dad was not accepted by my mom's family, but still they were happy. From the time I was born I've been staying with my mother's family and go to my dad's place on weekends. We often go out together for holidays, outings like movies, parks, etc. My parents love me a lot; they give me everything I want. But I feel bad when I see all my friends writing their father's surname, staying together, etc. Whenever I tell them to convert to one religion my mom will tell my dad to convert and my dad will tell my mom to convert. Then my mother says that it's better if they got separated. But I don't want them to separate. Every day I feel like crying loudly and hugging them, but can't even do that and there's no use of telling them to convert to one religion. I want to stay with them together as a family. I do not have any sibling with whom I can share all my sorrows. Please help me, I'm very depressed.

it is beyond your understanding and capability to do anything about the complex situation of your parents' inter-religious love marriage. You have to accept the situation as it is in the multi cultural and multi-religious reality of India. The sure and consoling reality for you is that your parents love you a lot and give you everything you want. Continue doing what you feel: "every day I feel like hugging them". Do hug them and tell them how much you love them and need to stay with them together as a family. Their love for you and your need of their love may help them to tackle peacefully the problems and crisis of their married life. Do not forget to pray to God for your family.

Picture Credit : Google

I am doing my second year degree. When I joined college I had a gang of friends, we were always as a gang, but nowadays a lot of problems have risen. One of my friend's money is missing and everyone suspects that I have taken it. Now no one is talking with me. I am so disturbed by this; I even tried committing suicide. How can I prove to them that I didn't take the money? I love them a lot but now everything has turned upside down. I am very disturbed and can't concentrate on my studies too. Please help me.

Friendship is built on trust. I do not know why "everyone suspects" that you "have taken" your friend's money. If there is no proof they should not do so. The trust among you all seems to have broken down. Unless the person who took the money comes out and tells the truth, there is no way for you to prove that you have not taken that money. Painful as it may be, you may have to turn elsewhere for new friends.

Picture Credit : Google

I am an extremely shy person by nature and find it very difficult to talk to my friends directly. I am doing my F.Y.B.A; a year has almost passed yet I cannot talk to people openly. I would like to change this attitude of mine as I cannot talk to anyone and as a result have only few friends. Please help me.

You may be suffering from low self-esteem which prevents you from feeling at ease in approaching people and talking to them. You may be afraid of making mistakes and so making a fool of yourself. No one is born a master in communication and relationships; sometimes we may learn also from our mistakes. As you have at least a "few friends", try to remember how you managed to relate to them successfully, making them your friends. Ask them what they like in you as a friend and apply this knowledge in relating to other people.

Picture Credit : Google

I am a student of Std X. I had scored very good marks (95%) in Std IX. My friend is very jealous of me. When I got this result she didn't talk to me for days. She is very jealous and leaves no chance to make me feel bad. She even robbed my book the day before.

The attitude of jealousy and even the theft of your book the day before the exams seem to prove that the girl you call your friend is not at all so. She acts more like an enemy. I advise you to tell her frankly that if she does not change her attitude you may have to look out for some other better friend.

Picture Credit : Google

I am in Std XI and like all my friends I too want go out with them, say, for a movie but my dad just does not allow me to go out. The reason he gives me is that he does not wish to do so. All my friends are girls so I don't see the problem.

Your father does not give you the reason for not allowing you to go out with your girlfriends, except that "he does not wish to do so". Maybe he is afraid that something bad may happen to you or he may not trust your friends. His fear may be stronger if you are the only child. If your mother is living with you, she may also give her opinion. It could be useful if you introduced your friends to your dad so that he may be reassured about them.

Picture Credit : Google

I have a best friend since three years. She was in bad company and I was counselling her to leave them since one year. She wasn't ready to listen to me. So, finally I told her mom and now she isn't speaking to me. Should I leave her and let her go? She is my best and most precious friend.

I hope you were absolutely sure that your best friend was in "bad company". If so, you did well to advise her to leave the wrong friends. She did not believe you and did not listen. At this point you should have given her lovingly more reasons for your advice and why the situation was wrong. It may take some time for people to realize their mistakes. You did not have patience and went directly to tell her mother everything; this has hurt your friend's feelings. If she is really your "best and most precious friend", wait and see if she and her mother come to some conclusion about her bad company. If you were right, your friend may come back to you.

Picture Credit : Google

I recently met a girl in my school and became friends with her. She cared about me a lot like no one else did and understood me more than anyone else. I had feelings for her and proposed to her as I wanted her to be mine. The way she used to behave with me, I felt that she too had feelings for me. But when I proposed, she said that she didn't want to ruin the friendship. In a way she has not even rejected me nor has she said yes. I feel like she is keeping me hanging in mid-air. I've tried to get over her but I can't. Please help me.

You "recently" met a girl in your school and "became friends with her". The problem is that you had no patience and quickly jumped to propose to her a love commitment, because you wanted her to be yours. Your emotions made you conclude that she too had feelings for you. She did have feelings for you, but not your kind of feelings; she just had feelings of friendship, nothing more. She honestly told you the truth and is not at all "keeping you hanging in mid '; you are hanging there by yourself because you do air"; not want to accept and respect her feelings. Keep your emotions under control and learn to grow patiently and respectfully in a beautiful friendship.

Picture Credit : Google

My boyfriend and I love each other a lot. Everything was fine while we were living in the same town but this year I had to shift to Gurgaon. That was fine for a few months until he stopped calling me. He does not even reply to my messages. I am very hurt. Sometimes I think that he might not be able to receive my calls but mostly I feel that he does not love me anymore. We share a very strong relationship that cannot break down so easily. I am confused. What am I to do?

Your boyfriend's attitude towards you has changed since you left the same town; he stopped calling you and even replying to your messages. This is a clear indication that his relationship with you was mostly based on a physical attraction. When he could not see you regularly as before, he lost interest. This kind of relationship is called 'infatuation'. You feel hurt because your attitude towards him was different and not just based on physical attraction. You should learn that, at your age, boys and girls may have different emotional reactions in relationships. Therefore, do not be too quick in putting the label of "love" to any relationship, e.g., when you write: "My boyfriend and I love each other a lot."

Picture Credit : Google

My mother is quite into religion and therefore she wants me to become a pastor. But I desperately want to serve the country as a naval officer. We often argue about what I should choose as my career which has created a gap between the two of us. What should I do to minimize the gap and how I should talk to her about what I really want as my profession?

To become a pastor and spend your life spreading the Word of God among the people is not a career like many other, but a vocation, a special call of God. He only decides whom he wants and guides them in making this choice. Your mother, being "quite into religion would be happy to have a pastor in her family. I suggest you talk about this matter with a pastor whom you know well and he will explain this to your mother. She will be convinced.

Picture Credit : Google

My problem is that I have become too sensitive since my dad's death and my negative thinking has shaken my confidence. As I'm the only daughter my mom has many dreams for me. She wants me to do B.E. but I'm not so good in maths. I want to become a writer but to make her happy I decided to do B.E. I was a topper till Std X but scored just 70% in Std XII. My family members are too upset. As I get emotionally attached very soon, people hurt me. My confidence is totally shaken after the Std XII result. Please help me.

Your negative thinking after your dad's death and your Std XII results has badly shaken your self-confidence. Though you wanted to become a writer and knew that you were not so good in maths you decided to do B.E. in order to make your mother happy. Because of that wrong decision you are now unhappy and your family members are too upset. I advise you to speak frankly to some of your lecturers who know you well and get their opinion on the possibility for you to get through in your B.E. studies. If they give you a negative opinion, it is better that you speak to your mother and try to convince her to allow you to change your course of studies.

Picture Credit : Google

I had a best friend in school. Till last year, we were great friends. But suddenly everything changed. He got a girlfriend and whenever he is with me, he does not pay attention to what I say; instead he wastes his time with her. Please help me to get him back. He is so important to me.

Many things change during the teenage, especially in the emotional field: attraction towards the opposite sex is just one of them. Because of that, other relationships may suffer, for example, previously beautiful friendships. Your friend is undergoing a new experience in his life which you find difficult to accept ("he does not pay attention to what I say"). Instead of getting upset, ask him to share with you his new experience and let him open his heart, listen patiently to him and remind her that he is so important to you and that he can count you at all times. Frequently, these attract in end as quickly as they start and you will have a chance to "get him back".

Picture Credit : Google

I am in Std X. In my first unit test I got low marks in Geography while in the other subjects I got very good marks. I usually share everything with my sister but whenever I say anything about studies, about how I got low marks, she always says, "You always sit in front of the TV and computer, that's why your marks are low", in a way that hurts me a lot. She never says anything encouraging to me. I feel like no one is there for me. I'm sad, depressed, lost and lonely.

Whenever faced with some criticism or correction you should not get upset, hurt or feel "depressed, lost and lonely". The first thing you have to do is to honestly ask yourself if you deserve that criticism, at least in part. If so, you should be grateful to the person who has helped you to find the reason for your failure and work hard to correct your mistakes. If, on the contrary, the criticism is totally undeserved, ignore it. Continue to share everything with your sister and also with your parents, because they do care for you and love you. It is not true, as you write, that "no one is there for me".

Picture Credit : Google

I am in love with a guy but he loves my best friend. I am really very upset. My best friend doesn't like him but still he is after her. I have told him about my feelings but he refused me. This incident happened a year ago. But I still like him. Please help me I am very depressed.

You have opened your heart and "feelings" to that boy, but he has shown no interest in them and keeps refusing you. It is certainly a painful experience for you. Yet, you should appreciate that he has told you the truth about his own feelings: he loves your best friend. The truth is necessary, even though sometimes painful. He will have to deal with the problem that "she doesn't like him". Give him the time to decide if and when he wants to give up on her. Maybe, after taking that decision, he may discover that you could be the one he is searching for.

Picture Credit : Google

I aspire to become a writer but my parents want me to become a doctor. I have passed 12th and now want to pursue a degree in English Literature but my parents want me to pursue a degree in medical science. Although I chose science in class 12th, I hated it, so there's no question of taking it further. As all kids do I too want to make my parents feel proud of me but through my writing rather than through medical science. But the problem is that they consider my writing a waste. Please help me.

The problem you are writing about has been dealt with several times in this column. I advise you to share these points with your parents. First of all remember that your parents love you and have at heart your life and future. They want you to be happy and secure, even financially. Many people believe that the medical profession is more socially and financially rewarding than that of a writer. People are entitled to their opinions. On the other hand, we should never forget that God creates us and puts us into the world with gifts and talents to be used in order to achieve His purpose in life. God has a plan for our life! It is essential that parents should try to understand the gifts God gave to their children and help them to develop these gifts in order to fulfil God's plan. In your case, I suggest that a loving and patient dialogue should continue between you and your parents maybe with the help of some of your teachers. In due time it will become clear which profession is best for you according to God's will.

Picture Credit : Google

I have a best friend and we are super close. If I say we share the same heart and mind it wouldn't be an exaggeration. We complete each other's sentences, we read each other's thoughts. I know it sounds like a cliche but that's the truth! But, lately we've been having too many fights. Although, it doesn't last more than 6 hours still I'm afraid it might affect our friendship and I don't want to lose such a precious friend. We had about three fights in the past month which is too much for us. And worse, the reasons are way too stupid and silly. I know when you are very close to someone you are bound to have fights with them and later, solve it out, or so have I heard. But still I want to avoid such fights and I need your help. Nobody understands me the way she does. I know this might not be even a real problem but I've experienced the pain of losing a best friend and I don't want to go through that again. Please help.

It is sad to read that 2 friends "who share the same heart and mind" should quarrel for silly reasons. Could it be that both of you want to have the last word in any matter? Or could it be that you are hiding from each other a feeling of superiority? Good relationships are built on a mutual give and take attitude motivated by love. Sit down together, look into each other's eyes and try to get to the root of the problem. Ask pardon from each other for past mistakes and harsh judgements. Make a new, humble beginning to your friendship.

Picture Credit : Google